Do you split all expenses 50/50 or proportional to salary?

[marykitty]

My DH and I earned ca. the same salary when we got married, and we were splitting all expenses 50/50.

Few years ago, I dropped to 3 days per week after we had DS1, therefore I now earn a lower salary and have less bonuses etc. During my 2 days off I take care of DC and do all house chores.

My DH suggested, back then, that we kept splitting all expenses 50/50. With Expenses I mean everything:

• Mortgage

• Renovation and maintenance costs

• Phone, TV, water, light, fuel etc.

• Taxes and insurances

• Childcare and DC relates expenses

• Food and commodities (often i pay more than 50 for this since I do shopping on my days off and often pay cash or with my card)

• Payments to our pension funds

• All extras such as vacations

• Etc (i forgot something for sure)

Our childcare costs are now increasing and we need to buy a new car…I will close this year with a negative balance in my bank account. (Not minus, but having less than last year. It is now the second year in a row)

My DH thinks this does not matter because at the end of the day he is saving on his account and his money is my money etc etc.

He thinks me being upset by this is crazy, that it shows I am unnecessarily focused on money and this should not even be a concern in our family.

I know at the end of the day “it is OUR money” but I just feel sad to see I am not able to save after working hard.

how are you organized with your DH?

I know I have to learn to save better, but I wonder how other families are organized and if I am really BU to think we should change the way we split stuff.

When you dropped to 3 days to look after your child I assume your DH paid you a childcare fee? Nope- well then it’s salary proportionate

That’s not fair. No wonder your pissed off. We split proportionally to earnings.

Everything goes into one pot. We each take the same amount of ‘pocket money’ for personal expenses such as lunches with friends, haircuts, presents etc.

If your DH thinks it doesn’t matter, he won’t mind changing your system, will he?

Proportional to salary. I'm the higher earner.

We have a joint account. All money goes in. We spend from it as we want. Both of us have similar spending habits so neither of us feels hard done by.

Splitting 50:50 with someone who earns less seems very unfair.

I suspect ours is indirectly proportional to salary.

All income goes into joint account.

All expenses go out of joint account.

If you want to save, and he wants to spend, agree on an amount that you each have a standing order into your own accounts (and ideally a joint savings account as well for home improvements and expenses i.e. replacing the washing machine when it breaks).

Make it clear that your savings are for you to do what you want with and not for any joint expenditure.

Proportionate so we both have the same amount of fun money. He used to be the higher earner now I am so has worked out pretty fairly.

You should not be paying 50:50.
Why not put everything in a joint account?
You could always have a separate account each for your spends with an equal amount each.
What happens to DH’s savings, what are they used for?

I see where you're DH is coming from.

Is it really any different if you have £500 and he has £1000 in your accounts or both having £750 each

I always worked full time but was the higher Earner and we paid proportionate to our Salary

I think your DH is being unreasonable and his arguments are rubbish - you can just as easily turn the comments to apply to his position where he is hoarding money and leaving you short

Are the savings in an account in joint names? If not they aren’t you’re savings are they, they’re his

@araiwa depends if you have access to all funds

Proportional to salary. You're partners, not housemates. Besides, 50:50 restricts what you can do if the lower paid person can't afford it. Doesn't he want to live up to his salary rather than down to yours?

When you dropped to 3 days to look after your child I assume your DH paid you a childcare fee?

1st post well done. Presumably he only pays his half of the child care fees though?

Very unfair of him. We split proportionately and both have access to joint savings. We have the same "spends", and all big purchases are discussed as a team.

The only person unnecessarily focused on money is him!

When dh and I got married many many years ago we opened a joint account into which both our salaries went and out of which everything was paid. End of.

Ours is proportionate. I work 3 days a week and look after our 1 year old 2 days a week. If I was full time our incomes would be roughly the same.

It seemed only fair that my partner paid a higher proportion of the bills to make up for my lost income

If it doesn't matter then why doesn't he pay for everything and you can use your entire salary to put in savings?

Nope not fair and i would not let this lie.
If its "all the same" and "doesnt matter" then why not split proportionally and let you save in your name.

If he isnt up for that tell him you will go back to work FT. Separately I'd be looking at how you can exiting the marriage. (My Father was financially abusive i saw what it did to my mother and its a proper deal breaker for me)

We've only got one account. If his money is indeed your money that seems like the easiest option for these childcare fees / part time years.

I earn 15k more than DP

We do 50/50. However there are some purchases for the house which I buy on my own: family car , carpets, sometimes flights so ends up me paying more

We are married, we both consider our money to be joint. All the savings are in accounts in my name but I know very well that the savings are just as much his as mine and he knows this too, we refer to “our savings”.

After we had been married a couple of years we moved overseas and opened a joint bank account. So effectively we were paying for things pro rata as everything went into and came out of the same pot, however we didn’t sit down and decide we would pro rata, because as above we have always considered money to be joint.

We are back in the UK now and have reverted to separate current accounts, purely because we have the accounts we had before we met and haven’t combined. However we move money freely between each other, if one current account gets low it is topped up by the other or from savings without question.

I honestly couldn’t live as husband and wife and be picking over who pays for what.

Joint account since we married 30+ years ago, I have had a few years of being a SAHM and since returning to work only ever worked part time..... we are not flat mates .. but it absolutely helps if you have the same approach to finance, if one of you is a saver and one a spender it probably won't work.

I never 'ask' for money ... we are both adults and can check the balance before spending.

We both keep the same amount in our own bank accounts each month for spending on whatever we like and pay the rest of our wages into the joint account which covers all our household expenses.

That’s absolutely not right to carry on paying same proportion of bills when you went part time. Yes his money is your money in theory, but in reality he has control, can spend on what he likes then look good about ‘treating’ you, etc. DC also grow up seeing the man with all the money and that undermines your work.

We’ve always split it roughly so that we have same left after bills. We then individually choose what to save, what to spend on hobbies etc (whilst generally working towards the same goals).

I’ve not done a detailed calculation for a few years (I used to be very particular when I was on maternity leave and part time), but it’s roughly fair. (I earn more than DH).

We wing it but basically my husband earns more and pays much more towards bills.