Do you split all expenses 50/50 or proportional to salary?

[marykitty]

My DH and I earned ca. the same salary when we got married, and we were splitting all expenses 50/50.

Few years ago, I dropped to 3 days per week after we had DS1, therefore I now earn a lower salary and have less bonuses etc. During my 2 days off I take care of DC and do all house chores.

My DH suggested, back then, that we kept splitting all expenses 50/50. With Expenses I mean everything:

• Mortgage

• Renovation and maintenance costs

• Phone, TV, water, light, fuel etc.

• Taxes and insurances

• Childcare and DC relates expenses

• Food and commodities (often i pay more than 50 for this since I do shopping on my days off and often pay cash or with my card)

• Payments to our pension funds

• All extras such as vacations

• Etc (i forgot something for sure)

Our childcare costs are now increasing and we need to buy a new car…I will close this year with a negative balance in my bank account. (Not minus, but having less than last year. It is now the second year in a row)

My DH thinks this does not matter because at the end of the day he is saving on his account and his money is my money etc etc.

He thinks me being upset by this is crazy, that it shows I am unnecessarily focused on money and this should not even be a concern in our family.

I know at the end of the day “it is OUR money” but I just feel sad to see I am not able to save after working hard.

how are you organized with your DH?

I know I have to learn to save better, but I wonder how other families are organized and if I am really BU to think we should change the way we split stuff.

No-one pot-one family

Have you heard about a thing called a joint account? Designed to stop you getting your calculator out every 5 minutes.

And a relative of mine got stung by this when she had to plan to leave her DH in secret. Discovered he’d moved the joint savings to an account only in his name as the interest rate was better. Yes she’s got half of that eventually as part of the divorce, but struggled to get her escape fund together, and had very little to live off for the first few months.

Its a real dick move to turn it round on you and say you're too focused on money, and insist it "doesn't matter" when it currently works in his favour.

Yes, you're married but month to month it leaves you with less, and that isn't right.

Well this works very nicely for him. You drop to 3 days so are expected to do all the cooking and cleaning, but still pay 50% expenses? Nope, he doesn’t get it both ways. Either chores are split 50/50 too, or you pay a %.

The thing that stands out for me is you are paying more for childcare as you are paying your loss of salary for 2 days and then paying 1.5 days. If you are splitting things 50/50 you should only be paying half a day of that.

We did things as proportional to how much we earned of the whole. Its ok. Its not perfect.

Joint account here. Born salaries (when I’m not on Mat leave) go into it and everything is paid out from it. Whatever is left is for both of us to use. I prob spend more than he does

Yep this is just daft - I bet he spends more money on himself than you do and it is clear you spend more.

You need to sit down and say that this simply isnt fair and cannot continue because you work 3 days do ALL the chores (again something I think you need to sort) and pay 50/50

So he just works and pays in the same. This isnt fair and he isnt seeing it as a concern because he is getting a very good deal.

Everything needs looking at and shared out much more fairly. I suggest actually that you look at outgoings and incomings and split the remainder into equal spending money and equal savings and then have a look at how the rest of it is split

Because he isnt coming across very well

I probably pay most of our day to day expenses - childcare, school fees, groceries,
clubs for the kids, kids clothes. But that’s because I organise them so it’s easier for me to pay from my account. OH saves on behalf of both of us and the kids, into ISAs, pensions, etc. He almost always pays when we go out for dinner or family days out and either of us books holidays.

We don’t keep tabs but that’s because we don’t need to. If I’m short of money one month I just transfer from our joint account that we don’t really use.

We earn fairly evenly but I suspect my personal expenses are a lot higher (I have a bad online shopping habit…)

This sort of stuff is only an issue if you either need to watch what you spend or if one person doesn’t have full and open access to the “joint” money. So it’s really important in my view that you both have savings in your own name and jointly and both pensions are being topped up.

We do 50/50 simply because we always have and both earn enough to easily cover our half. DH currently earns more than me, but puts savings across accounts in my name, his, and the kids. Mine actually has more in because I'm saving from what I earn myself too.

We are quite thrifty & cautious though and tend to save quite a lot.

Before kids we were 50/50 even if our salaries were different (not by much though to be fair)
Since our DD and me returning four days a week and now paying nursery we just have a joint account which our salaries go into and all bills come out of. We then take x amount each each month for our own expenses, lunches, socials etc and this has worked so well for us. I'm more of a saver than spender so from my personal spends if I have anything left I'll save it in my old savings account and use for presents, a big purchase etc. DH does what he pleases with his.
We rarely argue about money since implementing this. DH is now a high earner compared to me but he agrees this is the fairest way.

If you are married then definitely all in 1 joint account and all joint expenses related to house, cars and food and children from this.
Then ‘pocket money’ to your own separate accounts, and this is purely for personal spends, no topping up food buys or an outfit for your child.

If you are not married, then proportional contributions seem better but make sure the house deeds reflect exactly what share of the house you each have.

Or charge him for child care for the days you don’t work, at top rate as you are providing the best care as you are your child’s mum.

You need to sort this now, he is a very selfish man

Proportional to salary here, I'm by far the higher earner and it wouldn't be fair otherwise as DH would have no money left and I'd have loads

I earn 22k and my husband earns 43 so basically double! Before we married and before DC, we split things proportionally.

Now were married and have DS, we just pool everything into one account and pay things out of there. There isn't really his money or my money. He doesn't watch what I spend either. I could go out and buy some clothes for myself and I guess technically be spending his wage, but he sees it as ours.

Your situation is not fair.

Then ‘pocket money’ to your own separate accounts, and this is purely for personal spends, no topping up food buys or an outfit for your child.

I don’t think it’s always necessary to have separate accounts for that if you spend similarly.

“Perk” of his job = more money. He doesn’t want to share this and contribute more.

“Perk” of your job = more free time. He expects you to share this by using that time to do all the chores.

Does that seem fair?

After getting in this kind of mess with my XDH, who was financially controlling, DH and I

• put all income into a joint account, which is used for all household bills, costs of children, car expenses, etc etc
• take out an identical monthly allowance for personal spending from that account

With the benefit of hindsight, I now know that when XDH was horrified at the idea of doing this (before children) I should have seen this as a red flag.

Dh earns 3 - 4 times as much as me, so it wouldn't be fair to go 50/50 in our case.

We’re saving for my maternity at the moment and as my partner sucks at savings everything comes out of their account. We’re basically trying to live on their higher salary and put all of mine into savings. It works for us but I know it’s probably quite unusual.

@araiwa

I see where you're DH is coming from.

Is it really any different if you have £500 and he has £1000 in your accounts or both having £750 each

If it's no different then the DH won't mind it being evenly split, will he?

Proportional all the way.

Op Tell him that resentment will kill your marriage and you hope he can afford the divorce.

We're married and own a home together. Everything goes, and comes from, a joint account - we also have a joint savings account. We're already financially linked through the marriage and owning a home, so makes sense to just keep everything simple.
OH pays more into our account, as he earns more (almost double what I esrn), and thus his salary pays more for our mortgage/bills/other outgoings each month. I did put in the larger portion, on the deposit of our home, however, as I had had l some inheritance, so it all works out to be fairly fair.
As long as the money is there in our disposable income, then no issues with either of us buying personal things from the joint account either. He wants to buy some new stuff for his computer this month, and I'm off for a massage next week

Your OH is being unreasonable though. By refusing to acknowledge that you are saving him money on childcare, he is making it about money - not you.

When we met it was 50/50 but quickly became clear it wasn’t working as my husband earns double my salary. Now we split it 70/30 but to be honest, we’re at the point of just putting all of our money in the same pot and treating it as one.

Proportionate to salary in our house.

We do proportional. We worked out all outgoings on spreadsheet - moneysavingexpert has good budget planner. We both put this into bill account. Then we both put agreed amounts into personal savings and joint savings. What's left from both salaries we have to spend which is the same amount