Page 9 | To want to use 3rd bedroom for DC?

lou4901 · 2021-09-27T12:20:45+00:00

Partner and I don't live together currently, but we're looking at renting a house jointly soon in the town where he lives (4 hours from me). I say jointly, but I'll only be there about 1 week in 4, he'll live there the rest of the time. I'm going to pay towards it. My children are over 18 but still live at home. They've never been to his town but are keen to visit. He currently lives in a small place where there is no room for them to stay. My intention - which my DC are keen on - is that when we rent a place with 3 bedrooms, 1 will be mine and DP's room, one an office (both DP and I wfh) and the 3rd room could be for DC when they stay. I was thinking of getting 2 single beds (I think asking them to share a double bed is a bit much!) - one has a bf, so I thought on any visit if he came they would share a room and other DC would sleep on sofabed in living room. Except when I spoke to DP he was a bit off about it all and said why would we be having a room empty 90% of the time, he thought it would be better for DC to just stay in a hotel if and when they visit, and that as most houses we've looked at the 2 smaller bedrooms are at most 8 x 10 and some as little as 8 x 6, so it would be a struggle to get 2 beds in, let alone have the room for any other purpose. I don't want to fall out about it before we've moved in but also I don't want them in a hotel...aibu?

AppleStars · 28/09/2021 14:10

So if he is not happy for the 3rd bedroom to be set up for part time use then where are you going to work if you aren't allowed to set it up as an office but need a private space? Doesn't that defeat the whole purpose of getting the third bedroom?

If you are covering the cost difference between his 2 bed flat and this 3 bed property then you're, in a roundabout way, subletting that 3rd bedroom from him and therefore should be able to set it up however you like, office, trundle bed, whatever else you need, while you are paying for it? What else does he intend to do with it that can't possibly include a futon/trundle bed?

Original poster

lou4901 · 28/09/2021 14:21

Obviously I need to talk to him about it (I'm seeing him this weekend so will discuss it then as I think it's easier to speak face to face about things like this rather than on the phone or by text) but from the conversation we had I think he had it in mind more as home gym when I'm not there/ my office when I am - rather than having a bed or sofa bed in it. I know from previous discussions he's suggested I should set my office up like his (which has a massive desk, expensive specialist chair etc) but I'd be happy with a smaller desk which there would easily be room for - whereas with the sort of desk he's got, that plus any gym stuff the room would be full.

OP posts:

BecauseMyRingBurnsSheila · 28/09/2021 14:33

Google high sleepers with desks and you'll find a good small 3rd bedroom solution.

Honestly if you're prepared to pay the extra costs for the 3rd bedroom and it suits you as a bridge between your home with your kids and your potential future home with DP then go for it!

Bollindger · 28/09/2021 14:45

Hang on... Your letting him have the bigger bedroom and using the box room in the 3 bed.... No.
You get the 2nd biggest room as office, double bed in the room, as your paying for the room by paying the extra 500 a month. Do not give it too him.

MyOtherProfile · 28/09/2021 15:35

If he did, I'm sure he'd insist on a joint tenancy. He's insisting on the opposite.

But this way he gets the place just in his name but with you paying a big chunk of it.

How much will he be paying?

BecauseMyRingBurnsSheila · 28/09/2021 16:16

But he doesn't want or need a bigger place! OP wants the bigger place and she's prepared to pay the difference. He'd be stuck with a more expensive tenancy in his name if OP and him broke up.

If he's using the office 3/4 weeks and the OP 1/4 weeks it's ludicrous to expect him to have the smaller room for the majority of the time!

MyAnacondaMight · 28/09/2021 16:40

I don’t know why this needs to be so difficult. Maybe stop thinking of it along the lines of moving in together, and reframe it closer to a lodger scenario.

You pay £500 (or whatever) a month to effectively rent a room. It should be a decent size (not the box room) and should be for you to furnish how you choose. So a desk and perhaps single beds that stack on top of each other to save space (IKEA do a great set).

You pay the extra cost for a third bedroom = you get to choose how that third bedroom is used.

ILoveAGlassofFizzy · 28/09/2021 17:41

@MyAnacondaMight

I don’t know why this needs to be so difficult. Maybe stop thinking of it along the lines of moving in together, and reframe it closer to a lodger scenario.

You pay £500 (or whatever) a month to effectively rent a room. It should be a decent size (not the box room) and should be for you to furnish how you choose. So a desk and perhaps single beds that stack on top of each other to save space (IKEA do a great set).

You pay the extra cost for a third bedroom = you get to choose how that third bedroom is used.

This sounds a very sensible solution.

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/09/2021 19:42

@MyAnacondaMight

I don’t know why this needs to be so difficult. Maybe stop thinking of it along the lines of moving in together, and reframe it closer to a lodger scenario.

You pay £500 (or whatever) a month to effectively rent a room. It should be a decent size (not the box room) and should be for you to furnish how you choose. So a desk and perhaps single beds that stack on top of each other to save space (IKEA do a great set).

You pay the extra cost for a third bedroom = you get to choose how that third bedroom is used.

I agree with this. He can have the gym equipment in the bedroom or his office. The third bedroom is your £500 contribution and to be set up to your specifications whether that be two singles, bunk, a trundle bed etc.

ChristmasPlannier · 28/09/2021 19:57

OP you've said he doesn't want you to be on the tenancy. But what happens if you break up? Are you forever liable for £500 monthly for a room you no longer use?

I think it's beyond cheeky of him to expect to put gym equipment in the room you are paying for! Surely that should be a deal-breaker for you to this plan????? Otherwise he is getting the benefit of a separate home gym constantly while you get less use of the room you are funding

Bollindger · 28/09/2021 20:20

Just tell him your have g 2nd biggest bedroom. Can he get a garage , so his gym stuff can go In there.
Right now he wants all his cake and to eat it, as the whole point is a bed for your children, otherwise why move.

TractorAndHeadphones · 28/09/2021 20:44

@ChristmasPlannier

OP you've said he doesn't want you to be on the tenancy. But what happens if you break up? Are you forever liable for £500 monthly for a room you no longer use?

I think it's beyond cheeky of him to expect to put gym equipment in the room you are paying for! Surely that should be a deal-breaker for you to this plan????? Otherwise he is getting the benefit of a separate home gym constantly while you get less use of the room you are funding

It's him that's going to be liable for the whole house, not OP. OP could walk away tomorrow and not pay anything. Also the house is mainly for OP's benefit. He didn't ask her to get him a bigger house. Both their houses are too small for each other.

HairyScaryMonster · 28/09/2021 20:58

I'd get a fold down desk and double sofa bed for the third bedroom and a sofa bed in his office if there's space (you can get singles that are the size of an easy chair). Presume kids would visit at the weekend so he wouldn't be working.

Hont1986 · 29/09/2021 00:28

I will only be there 1-2 weeks a month, and DC might visit once every 6 weeks

I can absolutely guarantee that your adult children are not going to want to visit your boyfriend four hours away every six weeks.

LuaDipa · 29/09/2021 09:57

@lou4901

Obviously I need to talk to him about it (I'm seeing him this weekend so will discuss it then as I think it's easier to speak face to face about things like this rather than on the phone or by text) but from the conversation we had I think he had it in mind more as home gym when I'm not there/ my office when I am - rather than having a bed or sofa bed in it. I know from previous discussions he's suggested I should set my office up like his (which has a massive desk, expensive specialist chair etc) but I'd be happy with a smaller desk which there would easily be room for - whereas with the sort of desk he's got, that plus any gym stuff the room would be full.

I was with you until this. He wants you to fund the extra space, but also dictate how the extra space that you are paying for is used. He seems quite selfish. If he was that keen on his home gym, he would be moving now to a larger home, but it seems he wants you to fund it for him. And he thinks that your kids should stay in a hotel to accommodate his new hone gym (that you have subsidised). I don’t think this bodes well op.

thecatsthecats · 29/09/2021 10:43

I wouldn't be agonising about making this decision quickly, and I certainly wouldn't be rushing to make it perfect for the kids.

I would bide my time until a very good two bed came up (large, with room for two decent desk spaces and a decent master bedroom with space for you). I had a "2 bed" once that actually had two bedrooms, a lounge, a kitchen, and a full size office space included. You never know what will come up and you can be patient - and it sounds like you can afford to help your partner finance the move at short notice.

You should also be able to find a co-working space locally, much cheaper than renting a desk.

And as PP have stated, your kids can stay on the sofa in a more generous-sized lounge for the occasions they visit.

Be clear to your partner that they will absolutely have a proper space to stay in the new house that you buy together.

Be clear to your kids that in 4-5 years time you'll be making this move, and that they have a great opportunity to either join you there or save up to live independently.

Butchyrestingface · 29/09/2021 11:28

The whole intended set up is a mind fuck. I have decided both OP and her boyf are unreasonable but I can't decide which one is the more so because of the sheer nuttiness of what is being proposed.

ILoveAGlassofFizzy · 29/09/2021 12:45

@Butchyrestingface

The whole intended set up is a mind fuck. I have decided both OP and her boyf are unreasonable but I can't decide which one is the more so because of the sheer nuttiness of what is being proposed.

IloveJudgeJudy · 29/09/2021 13:27

I also agree with some PPs that if you're paying the difference then you get to choose the setup of the third bedroom which mustn't be the box room as you're paying the difference between what he has now and will have and now he has bedroom and boxroom. Second bedroom is thus what you're paying for.

On another note I can definitely recommend a foldaway desk attached to the wall.