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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH said I’m useless. Have I done this wrong?

236 replies

Dandy008 · 26/09/2021 12:22

DS was finishing lunch, we were heading out afterwards and I asked DH if he would go upstairs and get him some fresh clothes.

He was up there for ages and when he came down he’d brought clothes from his nursery drawer (you know, the clothes that are the ones you don’t mind if nursery ruin)

I’d said these are his nursery clothes, and I did make a comment that I wouldn’t have put that top with those bottoms.

DH told me it’s my fault, I’m useless and don’t know how to arrange his drawers properly.

He has two sets of drawers in his bedroom.
Each has 4 big drawers in.

One set of drawers is nursery clothes, bottoms, vests, tshirts, jumpers etc.

One set of drawers are his normal clothes.

Then he has his wardrobe space.

I have a decal sticker on his nursery drawers, labelled “nursery clothes”

DH said it’s stupid putting his clothes away like I have and that I should put them away as outfits, then it would be easier to dress DS.

The thing is a lot of his clothes mix and match so I don’t want to put them away as an outfit.

It seems trivial but I’m so upset he’s called me useless.

I struggle with my self esteem, especially since being a mum and comments like this really get to me. 😣

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 26/09/2021 12:24

He's projecting.

MrsRobbieHart · 26/09/2021 12:25

Sounds like he has decided to be in charge of all DS’s laundry and clothing organisation now. Great. One less job for you.

PotteringAlong · 26/09/2021 12:25

I’d said these are his nursery clothes, and I did make a comment that I wouldn’t have put that top with those bottoms.

You come across here an unnecessarily picky and this would have really annoyed me.

It’s not useless to not put clothes away as outfits. It is unnecessary to ask someone to get clothes and then comment that you don’t think they go together / are the wrong clothes.

Notimeforaname · 26/09/2021 12:26

He didn't know how to dress his child.

He should familiarise himself with his child's belongings. I'm sure your husband wouldnt wear his good occasion wear to work or the park?

He keeps them separate,right?

Porcupineintherough · 26/09/2021 12:26

He's being unreasonable to call you useless. You are being equally unreasonable to ask him to do something then piss all over the way he's done it. I expect he was feeling pretty useless at that point and hit back.

Theworldishard · 26/09/2021 12:26

Honestly?
You are making a mountain out of a molehill.

daisypond · 26/09/2021 12:27

You have two sets of chests of drawers and a wardrobe for your toddler’s clothes? Maybe there’s just too many clothes. If your DH doesn’t like the system, he can take over the laundry and organising of clothes.

CallMeRisley · 26/09/2021 12:28

You asked him to get clothes, he got clothes. Presume it wasn’t a school uniform?

Notimeforaname · 26/09/2021 12:28

I’m useless and don’t know how to arrange his drawers properly this is easily fixed.

Invite him to arrange the drawers properly, as he sees fit.

LateDecemberBackInLowB12 · 26/09/2021 12:28

Six of one and half a dozen of the other imo.

GreatPotato · 26/09/2021 12:28

I wouldn't stand for a DH telling me I'm useless, but then I also wouldn't tell him he wan incapable of choosing clothes for a small child. What does it matter?

Lockheart · 26/09/2021 12:28

You asked him to get clothes and then decided he'd bought the wrong clothes (even though I'm sure his 'nursery clothes' are perfectly serviceable) and nitpicked about them not matching (as if that matters to a nursery age child).

Sounds like six of one and half a dozen of the other to me.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 26/09/2021 12:29

If a man spoke to me like that he would regret the day he was born.

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/09/2021 12:29

I wouldn’t put up with anyone calling me useless. Especially not the person who’s meant to love me the most. How horrible.

EezyOozy · 26/09/2021 12:31

I'm sorry but you both sound quite hard work. If he is a preschooler does it really matter if he goes out in his nursery clothes at the weekend? Is it really matter if the top perfectly complements the trousers?

And your DH was rude to you, of course you don't arrange clothes by outfit.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 26/09/2021 12:31

His comment was rude but FFS you nitpicked the clothes he had brought down for no good reason. Most people don't have separate toddler clothes for nursery and home.

QforCucumber · 26/09/2021 12:31

Both unreasonable for all of the above reasons...

Aside - ds2 is 15 months and has a drawer for socks and vests, one for trousers and one for pjs. Then hangers for tshirts - maybe about 8 in total. I wonder if we don't have enough for him Shock

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 26/09/2021 12:31

When mine were babies/toddlers DH managed to (on different occasions)

  • put the vest on top of the sleepsuit (sadly before camera phones)
  • dress DD1 in DD2s pyjama bottoms
  • just go for a random theme, like flowers, and chose top and bottom in that theme creating a clashing mix mash.

But... they were always clean and weather appropriate, which is what really mattered.

countrygirl99 · 26/09/2021 12:31

If you want something doing your way do it yourself. If you want someone else todo something accept their way. But the useless comment would have me telling him it's his job from now on.

MovingSchmoving · 26/09/2021 12:32

Me and my DH have similar conversations, and I also put away her clothes like this. Husband is rubbish at picking out clothes that go together and never seems to remember where everything goes. But if I asked him to “get DD some clothes” and give no other instructions then I wouldn’t criticise what he brought back. If I wanted something specific then I’d say “please can you get DD an outfit from her nice drawers, maybe plain leggings and a patterned top” or whatever.

Organising the kids clothes is one of my jobs - we share household jobs equally but we don’t split everything down the middle. He is responsible for some things and I am responsible for others. The only reason I can keep track of which clothes are whose and what goes wear is that I buy them all and I do the washing as this is one of my other jobs. So I can’t really expect him to know what I do and don’t like being chosen for DDs. If I ask him to choose then I either just accept whatever he has brought back or I give specific instructions.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 26/09/2021 12:32

But he definitely shouldn't call you useless. I did have a special basket of already matched outfits for DH, but it was for my benefit really.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 26/09/2021 12:32

Oh dear. You two aren't communicating well. Your DH would have organised the drawers differently from you and that doesn't make you useless, so your DH was very rude. But the trouble is that you were rude to him first. You asked him to get clothes for DS, he did it though it took him time to find the clothes, and instead of saying "thanks" and getting on with the day you criticised his choice. Then he hit back at you which was petty of him. He needs to be kinder to you, and you need to let the small stuff go.

Ozanj · 26/09/2021 12:33

Your comment was unecessary. As for keeping clothes as outfits - that’s what we do. On hangers. It means it never takes long to dress DS. Usually 5-10 mins including nappy changes if DH does it and a bit longer if I do it.

Scarlettpixie · 26/09/2021 12:34

He is reacting to you criticising him.

Buttetflybookkeeper · 26/09/2021 12:34

You complained about the clothes he got first. So it's ok for you to criticise him but not the other way around?

You had better brace yourself for the day when you DC can dress themselves. That's all I'm saying.