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Original poster

DH said I’m useless. Have I done this wrong?

236 replies

Dandy008 · 26/09/2021 12:22

DS was finishing lunch, we were heading out afterwards and I asked DH if he would go upstairs and get him some fresh clothes.

He was up there for ages and when he came down he’d brought clothes from his nursery drawer (you know, the clothes that are the ones you don’t mind if nursery ruin)

I’d said these are his nursery clothes, and I did make a comment that I wouldn’t have put that top with those bottoms.

DH told me it’s my fault, I’m useless and don’t know how to arrange his drawers properly.

He has two sets of drawers in his bedroom.
Each has 4 big drawers in.

One set of drawers is nursery clothes, bottoms, vests, tshirts, jumpers etc.

One set of drawers are his normal clothes.

Then he has his wardrobe space.

I have a decal sticker on his nursery drawers, labelled “nursery clothes”

DH said it’s stupid putting his clothes away like I have and that I should put them away as outfits, then it would be easier to dress DS.

The thing is a lot of his clothes mix and match so I don’t want to put them away as an outfit.

It seems trivial but I’m so upset he’s called me useless.

I struggle with my self esteem, especially since being a mum and comments like this really get to me. 😣

OP posts:
Icecreamsoda99 · 26/09/2021 13:00

He felt you were inferring he was useless/stupid for choosing those clothes and so he retaliated, just less passive aggressively than you.

BoredZelda · 26/09/2021 13:01

I struggle with my self esteem, especially since being a mum and comments like this really get to me.

How do you think someone’s self esteem fares when being told they got the “wrong” clothes for a toddler?

If you were going somewhere uber posh and he brought down ratty clothes then perhaps you’d have a point. But that top doesn’t go with those trousers and they are “nursery clothes” (whatever that actually means) is being unnecessarily critical. If the actual choice of actual clothes wasn’t to your liking, get them yourself.

Notaroadrunner · 26/09/2021 13:02

You criticised his choice of clothes and he criticised your method of storing Ds clothes. You're both as bad as each other.

Theworldishard · 26/09/2021 13:03

Your husband probably said that to you because you were criticising him and it likely made him feel like he was being chastised like a child.

Theworldishard · 26/09/2021 13:04

And now you want to come.on here as the victim...to convince yourself he is in the wrong, LTB etc.

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 26/09/2021 13:04

@Theworldishard

Honestly? You are making a mountain out of a molehill.
The OP wrote: I struggle with my self esteem, especially since being a mum and comments like this really get to me

Presumably the OP's DH is aware of this but still spoke from his irritation.

Under the circumstances, was this the most supportive comment you could muster?

BoredZelda · 26/09/2021 13:06

No, I’m not. I only mentioned the clothes because he brought down a thick jumper and jogging bottoms. I wouldn’t put those two together on a day like today, it’s hot!

Not buying this. Are you trying to pretend your husband is so useless at dressing toddlers, he puts them in clothes inappropriate for the weather? Maybe you need a warm weather and cold weather drawer labelled so he can follow your instructions better.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 26/09/2021 13:06

I would have asked him to pop up and get a t-shirt then so that if it's cold (jumper goes on) and if it's hot, the t-shirt is fine on its own.

Sorry OP but you do sound as if you want things done a certain way. We all do, perhaps, but the weather-appropriate was a later comment from you after other posters mentioned that. Your OP sounds more like a style-choice that you don't share.

Neither of you were kind or respectful to each other for this non-issue.

Doginthepark2021 · 26/09/2021 13:06

I have this all the time, not the being called useless part, but the apparent incompetence of being able to put an outfit together or find anything from a wardrobe and a set of drawers. Even returning without anything saying he ‘can’t find any clothes’.
He manages to run a business so I firmly believe it’s done on purpose so he doesn’t have to do it again.
I’m the same with the mix and match clothes too and have a couple of colour themes where everything would easily go together. It’s not hard but he probably wants thanking for ‘helping’ you.
I get a defensive reaction for getting involved sometimes but honestly it’s needed!
You sound like you’re doing a good job, please don’t feel useless, we all struggle with thinking we’re doing the right things and by the sounds of it you’re doing more than your fair share!!!

PlanDeRaccordement · 26/09/2021 13:07

@Icecreamsoda99

He felt you were inferring he was useless/stupid for choosing those clothes and so he retaliated, just less passive aggressively than you.
Yep, this is what happened. You reap what you sow OP.
BoredZelda · 26/09/2021 13:07

Presumably the OP's DH is aware of this but still spoke from his irritation.

Or DH spoke in the manner that reflected how he was spoken to. If OP has such low self esteem, why would she then belittle others for bring theirs down?

Theworldishard · 26/09/2021 13:08

@EmbarrassingAdmissions give over Confused

So you're saying someone who has low self esteem cannot be told anything that might cause slight offence.
Where do you draw the line?
Oh your manager can't give you any feedback thst is negative, because you're sensitive etc.
What world do you live in.

No body is perfect all of the time and if this husband is having to tiptoe round, as not to cause offence, then I feel sorry for the man.

2bazookas · 26/09/2021 13:08

@Notimeforaname

He's projecting.
Yebbut, his projection is nullfied by mass projections from MN to OP.

"You are not stupid. You just have an inferior DH. ".

CatJumperTwat · 26/09/2021 13:09

He was retaliating to you being condescending, picky, and rude.

Dinoroaraus · 26/09/2021 13:11

you can’t even organise his clothes properly
His words are out of order though. Especially if you're struggling generally. The "even" makes it sound like he thinks it's a simple thing to do but when you're struggling it isn't. I get why his words would have hurt you. But you both need to try and just muddle through this bit of childrearing together.

Lovemusic33 · 26/09/2021 13:21

Why does a child have so much clothing?

If you wanted a certain outfit then you maybe should have gone and got it yourself, I don’t think you can expect a man to know what you wanted to dress the child in?

Sounds like your DS has a more extensive wardrobe than I have 😬

TintinIsBack · 26/09/2021 13:22

How do you think someone’s self esteem fares when being told they got the “wrong” clothes for a toddler?

Well he brought inappropriate clothes, ones that were too warm for that day. Do you expect the toddler to struggle with clothes that are too warm just to protect DH’s pride?

Besides, that’s still not a reason to lay down on the OP for being useless etc…

TatianaBis · 26/09/2021 13:23

It’s not surprising that you struggle with self esteem if that’s how your partner talks to you.

He’s attacking you to deflect criticism of his own behaviour.

Lilymossflower · 26/09/2021 13:24

He is being unreasonable yes, he is being dictating and very mean for calling you useless, just because he has a different opinion of how to organize the clothes. Why doesn't he organise the clothes then ?! Why is it you who is useless , when you have put the effort in to organize the clothes and he has put no effort into that at all ?!

I also personally don't think you are being unreasonable for expecting him to have basic knowledge of the organisation method and also what clothes are suitable for what activities. He is a parent after all. I think we expect far to little of men when it comes to parenting there own children Envy (not envy)

TatianaBis · 26/09/2021 13:24

@CatJumperTwat

He was retaliating to you being condescending, picky, and rude.
It’s picky to say a thick jumper is not appropriate for a warm day?
Lilymossflower · 26/09/2021 13:26

If you wanted a certain outfit then you maybe should have gone and got it yourself, I don’t think you can expect a man to know what you wanted to dress the child in?

So men have no knowledge of what clothes are suitable for different occasions or weathers? Grin I guess grown men still need to be dressed by their mothers then Grin

HerrenaHarridan · 26/09/2021 13:29

He shouldn’t have called you useless bit was it really necessary to critique his choice of clothes?

It’s really unhelpful and demoralising to play in this ‘dads can’t dress them’ crap

It’s not like you’re getting dressed up for a wedding.

Clothes is clothes

ChequerBoard · 26/09/2021 13:29

It’s picky to say a thick jumper is not appropriate for a warm day?"

The alleged thick jumper was a major drip feed from OP after she was not winning the thread by a long way.

Why would you have a thick jumper at the top of the nursery clothes drawer? It's not been thick jumper weather for a long time.

Not buying it.

LetHimHaveIt · 26/09/2021 13:31

Meh. He sounds like a bit of a douche, but I wouldn't have said 'I wouldn't have put that top with those trousers'. Toddlers really don't have to be 'teemed' all the time. It isn't a P G Wodehouse novel.

birdglasspen · 26/09/2021 13:31

Wow. All my kids clothes are thrown into one drawer, I like him to wear something clean and ok to nursery I don’t care what he wears elsewhere! Life is too short too have such complicated arrangements for clothes. What was wrong with what he was wearing anyway? Try and relax I’m sure no one but you cares what your son wears, if it’s old, new, pink,blue, they are just clothes!

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