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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH said I’m useless. Have I done this wrong?

236 replies

Dandy008 · 26/09/2021 12:22

DS was finishing lunch, we were heading out afterwards and I asked DH if he would go upstairs and get him some fresh clothes.

He was up there for ages and when he came down he’d brought clothes from his nursery drawer (you know, the clothes that are the ones you don’t mind if nursery ruin)

I’d said these are his nursery clothes, and I did make a comment that I wouldn’t have put that top with those bottoms.

DH told me it’s my fault, I’m useless and don’t know how to arrange his drawers properly.

He has two sets of drawers in his bedroom.
Each has 4 big drawers in.

One set of drawers is nursery clothes, bottoms, vests, tshirts, jumpers etc.

One set of drawers are his normal clothes.

Then he has his wardrobe space.

I have a decal sticker on his nursery drawers, labelled “nursery clothes”

DH said it’s stupid putting his clothes away like I have and that I should put them away as outfits, then it would be easier to dress DS.

The thing is a lot of his clothes mix and match so I don’t want to put them away as an outfit.

It seems trivial but I’m so upset he’s called me useless.

I struggle with my self esteem, especially since being a mum and comments like this really get to me. 😣

OP posts:

EinAugenblickBitte · 26/09/2021 12:34

@Shehasadiamondinthesky what would you do?

noprofessional · 26/09/2021 12:35

He was unreasonable to call you useless. You were unreasonable to be so picky.
Clothes just need to fit, be clean and weather appropriate. If you need everything to match according to your tastes then put it away in set outfits.

621CustardCream438 · 26/09/2021 12:35

You were unreasonable for picking at him - he dressed child in clothes that were clean and presumably fit and were comfortable. Unless you are going to a photo shoot this afternoon you were out of order making comments about if things matched or not. I also think you have a way too complicated clothing system - clothes are just clothes. Put them away as one outfit one week and a different outfit next week if you want.

He’s totally unreasonable to call you useless.

Mynameismargot · 26/09/2021 12:38

He shouldn't have called you useless but you did start it. You asked him to get clothes, he got clothes, you pretty much told him he was useless at getting clothes and he retaliated.

girlmom21 · 26/09/2021 12:39

Realistically you've both called each other useless and you're just upset by his choice of words.

Dinoroaraus · 26/09/2021 12:42

He was reacting to your criticism. He'd got LO dressed just not to your exacting standards. He probably felt like you were calling him useless so deflected on you.

Theunamedcat · 26/09/2021 12:46

Going from top to bottom I have pants and socks pjamers tshirts trousers a school uniform drawer and jumpers and odd bits at the bottom it works for us we rarely use the jumpers so that goes on the bottom school uniform like ties school socks pe kit all in one spot saves time in the morning

How did he manage to miss the sign on the drawer saying nursery clothes

Purplecatshopaholic · 26/09/2021 12:46

@Mynameismargot

He shouldn't have called you useless but you did start it. You asked him to get clothes, he got clothes, you pretty much told him he was useless at getting clothes and he retaliated.

This!

icedcoffees · 26/09/2021 12:46

If you want him dressed in a certain way, you should have gone and gor the clothes yourself, imo.

You asked him to get clothes, he got clothes. Does it really matter if they don't match or are from the "nursery drawer"?

Dinoroaraus · 26/09/2021 12:46

How did he manage to miss the sign on the drawer saying nursery clothes maybe he just thought clothes were clothes and didnt care

Original poster

Dandy008 · 26/09/2021 12:47

@GreatPotato

I wouldn't stand for a DH telling me I'm useless, but then I also wouldn't tell him he wan incapable of choosing clothes for a small child. What does it matter?

@GreatPotato

I didn’t tell him that he was incapable.

I just said to him that I wouldn’t put those two together (both were more for a cold day than today)

OP posts:

Dinoroaraus · 26/09/2021 12:47

Unless you were off to a wedding/Christening but even then it's fine to just wear clean clothes of some sort.

Macncheeseballs · 26/09/2021 12:48

Never known so much fuss over kids clothes

WallaceinAnderland · 26/09/2021 12:48

I hate it when women baby men. Let him pick the clothes he wants. As long as the child is comfortable in them it's fine. Fuss like this sucks the joy out of life.

Dinoroaraus · 26/09/2021 12:48

I just said to him that I wouldn’t put those two together (both were more for a cold day than today)

I would have said something like oh I'll just pop a t-shirt on in case it gets a bit warm later. Then take it off.

It's his child too.

Original poster

Dandy008 · 26/09/2021 12:49

How did he manage to miss the sign on the drawer saying nursery clothes

@Theunamedcat

God knows!

OP posts:

JudgeJ · 26/09/2021 12:49

@Porcupineintherough

He's being unreasonable to call you useless. You are being equally unreasonable to ask him to do something then piss all over the way he's done it. I expect he was feeling pretty useless at that point and hit back.

I would love to hear the husband's version of this, what was said to him when he brought clothes down that didn't meet the OP's approval!

notanothertakeaway · 26/09/2021 12:51

Did he say that YOU are useless, or your SYSTEM of organising clothes is useless?

YWBU to criticise the outfit

Are you the sort of person who complains that their DH doesn't load the dishwasher 'properly'? If so, you may find life easier if you let go a bit

ChequerBoard · 26/09/2021 12:51

@Dinoroaraus

Unless you were off to a wedding/Christening but even then it's fine to just wear clean clothes of some sort.

This.

Hate the way people dress up small kids like some kind of fashion accessory. If the clothes were fine for nursery then they are fine for an afternoon out with their family.

You were rude first and he retaliated. What an idiotic thing to be arguing about!

GoWalkabout · 26/09/2021 12:52

I think you might find he is one of the causes of your low self esteem. It seems like you have a critical - defensive - attacking dynamic going on. Sort it out or it will be bad for your son.

Original poster

Dandy008 · 26/09/2021 12:54

@notanothertakeaway

Did he say that YOU are useless, or your SYSTEM of organising clothes is useless?

YWBU to criticise the outfit

Are you the sort of person who complains that their DH doesn't load the dishwasher 'properly'? If so, you may find life easier if you let go a bit

@notanothertakeaway

He said I was useless, I asked why he said that and he said “you can’t even organise his clothes properly”.

No, I’m not. I only mentioned the clothes because he brought down a thick jumper and jogging bottoms.

I wouldn’t put those two together on a day like today, it’s hot!

OP posts:

NovemberWitch · 26/09/2021 12:56

What was wrong with the clothes?

‘ I struggle with my self-esteem, especially since being a mum’

Has it occurred to you that your partner might be feeling the same way?
You should be supporting each other, not snapping at petty, unimportant crap.

Suitcaseseverywhere · 26/09/2021 12:57

Your clothes system is complicated.

TeaStory · 26/09/2021 12:58

So he’s incapable of dressing his child in weather-appropriate clothes and somehow it’s your fault?

Blondiney · 26/09/2021 12:59

Perhaps your baby has too many clothes.

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