DH said I’m useless. Have I done this wrong?

[Dandy008]

DS was finishing lunch, we were heading out afterwards and I asked DH if he would go upstairs and get him some fresh clothes.

He was up there for ages and when he came down he’d brought clothes from his nursery drawer (you know, the clothes that are the ones you don’t mind if nursery ruin)

I’d said these are his nursery clothes, and I did make a comment that I wouldn’t have put that top with those bottoms.

DH told me it’s my fault, I’m useless and don’t know how to arrange his drawers properly.

He has two sets of drawers in his bedroom.
Each has 4 big drawers in.

One set of drawers is nursery clothes, bottoms, vests, tshirts, jumpers etc.

One set of drawers are his normal clothes.

Then he has his wardrobe space.

I have a decal sticker on his nursery drawers, labelled “nursery clothes”

DH said it’s stupid putting his clothes away like I have and that I should put them away as outfits, then it would be easier to dress DS.

The thing is a lot of his clothes mix and match so I don’t want to put them away as an outfit.

It seems trivial but I’m so upset he’s called me useless.

I struggle with my self esteem, especially since being a mum and comments like this really get to me. 😣

Is OP a dick who can't take criticism? Or is it okay for her to criticise, but he can't do it back?

Is OP a dick who can't take criticism? Or is it okay for her to criticise, but he can't do it back?

Or is it more a case of the OP works hard to get things right and the DH deliberately does simple things badly so she won't ask him again and then lays into her when she calls him out on it?

It doesn't sound like the DH is questioning whether he is able to live up to the OP's standards, yet the OP is and she is questioning whether it's OK for her DH to call her useless.

There's a big difference between telling someone that they have chosen clothes for your child that you wouldn't usually put them in at that time and telling someone it's all their fault and they are useless. That exchange speaks of a huge power imbalance to me.

If you are picky about stuff you need to be a lot more specific when you delegate! Does it really matter as long as they're clean & weather appropriate? If such small things set you off, are you generally not very happy? Small stuff gets to you if you are very down . If I'm getting upset over really minor stuff , I know I'm spiralling down.

But surely she can’t be delegating choosing clothes to her DH as he is as much of a parent as she is and therefore just as responsible??

Sounds like your husband needs a LOT more experience in looking after HIS child!

He's nursery age and he doesn't know how to dress him appropriately for occasion and weather?!

He's the useless one I'll wager

Is he often critical of you/your parenting and if so when did that start?

I segregated dds clothes at this stage the same way - nursery/play stuff (Cheap items from charity shops or supermarkets that washed well/I wasn't fussed if they got stained) and "good" stuff for days out, chapel, visiting older relatives etc makes perfect sense to me rather than risk a nice outfit being spoiled

But basics like dressing a young child appropriately for the weather is something I'd expect any parent to be capable of. As he seemingly isn't he clearly needs more practice!

If such small things set you off, are you generally not very happy?

That wasn't what upset the OP though, was it? It was being told it was all her fault and she was useless. Most people living with someone who did that wouldn't be very happy.

The man sounds like a total dick who is trying to make sure he isn't expected to lift a finger to care for his own child.

God everyone is so organised on here 😀. The most used storage space in our house is the ‘floordrobe’.

@Topseyt

He was unreasonable for calling you useless.

It is a bit bizarre though to segregate nursery clothes and home clothes in that way.

DD's nursery is great but has a bad track record re losing / staining her clothes so I separate "nursery" clothes (ie ones with paint stains already on them) from nice ones DD can wear when not doing messy play. Saves time and money!

@lljkk

Very :( that he called you useless.

It is a leetle controlling to be bothered about 'Nursery' vs. 'Other' clothes.

I don't think this is about Nursery vs. Other clothes.

At home my DD uses washable paints, washable markers, aprons etc so her clothes don't get stained. Nursery have more messy play options which is great fun for her but I'm not sending her in wearing nice clothes just to get them ruined. Nursery also have a habit of losing her stuff so she doesn't wear eg her woollen jumpers there as it's too costly to replace them on a regular basis. Don't you find similar issues re nursery, or are your DC's nursery better with kids' clothes?

Don't you find similar issues re nursery, or are your DC's nursery better with kids' clothes?

I’ve got 3 children who have all been to nursery (one still there). Never had an item of clothing lost. Everything is labelled so if something is mislaid it finds its way back. Mine don’t get anymore grubby at nursery than they do at home. They use aprons at nursery.

@TheGrumpyGoat

Don't you find similar issues re nursery, or are your DC's nursery better with kids' clothes?

I’ve got 3 children who have all been to nursery (one still there). Never had an item of clothing lost. Everything is labelled so if something is mislaid it finds its way back. Mine don’t get anymore grubby at nursery than they do at home. They use aprons at nursery.

Your nursery is doing better then mine!! Worst thing they have lost so far was a wool / cashmere mixed jumper. They serve up a lot of food with eg tumeric in it which stains. They also lose on average 1 item per week whether labelled or not. Once a term they put a big box of clothes outside with a sign saying "if any of these belong to you please reclaim them." Aside from this it's a great nursery and DD loves it but I've learnt to only send her in in clothes I'm not fond of!