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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or prudish, to want a bit more privacy?

185 replies

MrsSeal · 25/09/2021 08:59

I find this really annoying and wondering if I’m being unreasonable or not. I’m not really looking for advice as he will stop if I say so but I don’t know if just saying so is unreasonable.

Whenever I have a shower or bath, DH will come in. Sometimes to talk to me, sometimes to look for something.

He also will wait in the adjoining bedroom so I can’t get dressed without an audience.

I probably am a bit prudish but I do feel a bit exposed and uncomfortable standing there without any clothes on. I just don’t like it and would prefer to shower and dress without an audience!

So AIBU or prudish?

OP posts:
Brollywasntneededafterall · 25/09/2021 09:01

I started calling dh the Our Town Pervert when he used to do it....
Then told him actually I just like a bit of peace while I get dressed!! Bathroom door firmly locked here every time.

Bluntness100 · 25/09/2021 09:01

That’s weird and Pervy. Either he’s no boundaries and doesn’t see the issue of he’s a perv and knows it bothers you.

44PumpLane · 25/09/2021 09:03

Lock the bathroom door...and get a lock on the bedroom door. It's not at all unreasonable to wish for some privacy.... I love my husband but I don't want to be soaping up my arse crack whilst he's chatting to me!!

PiscesScot · 25/09/2021 09:04

That would bother me. So rude to not give somebody any privacy!

Workinghardeveryday · 25/09/2021 09:06

My dp would think I was weird if I had a problem with this. I can’t remember the last time I had a bath without at least 2 people coming in the bathroom. Usually to have a poo - we have 2 other toilets! Personally I think it’s an excuse to have a chat while they are on the toilet! Or to brush teeth.
I don’t think he realises it’s an issue for you. Just drop into conversation how you’re looking forward to a lovely bath, you love baths, the peace and quiet and just spending time on your own data busy day etc...

Redwinestillfine · 25/09/2021 09:08

Take your clothes into the bathroom and startocking the door.

Porcupineintherough · 25/09/2021 09:08

@Bluntness100

That’s weird and Pervy. Either he’s no boundaries and doesn’t see the issue of he’s a perv and knows it bothers you.
I dont think its necessarily weird or pervy, it would be normal bw dh and me. But that doesnt mean the OP isnt entitled to more privacy if she wants it.
10yearwarranty · 25/09/2021 09:09

It wouldn't bother me if it was an occasional thing, but if it was every time I'd tell him to piss off I wanted some privacy.
I have to say - nobody is ever coming in to the bathroom when I am in the bath or shower to have a shit. That's bloody minging, especially if there is another toilet available!

Bagelsandbrie · 25/09/2021 09:11

Hmm I’m not sure really. I’ve been with dh 12 years and if I suddenly started to be worried about getting dressed with him in the same room he’d think it was a bit weird! But then he doesn’t stand there and eye me up in a sexual way when I’m like that, it’s just one of those things, he’s seen me naked 10000s of times. I guess all relationships are different.

Dobbyisatwat · 25/09/2021 09:12

That would drive me insane. Can he not leave you alone while you wash and dress? Why does he need to talk to you at that exact moment?

He’s a grown man, not a five year old.

I

dayswithaY · 25/09/2021 09:12

Do you not have a lock on your bathroom door?

Original poster
MrsSeal · 25/09/2021 09:13

If I say stop, he will. I don’t need to lock the door and tbh should not have to. I was just wondering what the consensus was.

OP posts:
HighHighHopes · 25/09/2021 09:13

He shouldn't do it if you're not comfortable with it.

I keep my distance from my OH when he's in the bathroom or getting dressed and I expect the same courtesy in return. I don't want to see him cut his toenails or bent over, arse in the air getting his underwear on. Nope.

DizzySquirrel90 · 25/09/2021 09:17

Of the 8 years me and my partner have been together, he's only ever walked in on me once in the shower when not invited in.

It's a bit strange (imo) for someone to be constantly walking in and hanging around. It's almost as if he doesn't want you to have ANY privacy. Which is wrong, you are entitled to you time and a shower/bath imo should be classed as 'you' time.

MrsVeryTired · 25/09/2021 09:17

I lock my bathroom door and change into bra and pants before leaving after showering (have teenage DS also who def doesn't want to accidentally see me in the nude!) which I am comfortable with anyone in family seeing.

I would say I'd rather a bit more privacy if he did it all the time.

And definitely no walking in when in the bath or shower unless knocking first and asking/emergency etc if you don't want to fit a lock.

Sn0tnose · 25/09/2021 09:18

There are zero boundaries between me and my DH, but that’s because we’re ok with that. It doesn’t mean you have to be ok with it and that doesn’t make you unreasonable or prudish. You shouldn’t minimise your feelings. You have to feel comfortable in your own home and if you want privacy, then you should absolutely have it.

LaRobeRouge · 25/09/2021 09:20

I can’t remember the last time I had a bath without at least 2 people coming in the bathroom. Usually to have a poo - we have 2 other toilets! how charming, and you think OP is the weird one?

RacoonRocket · 25/09/2021 09:22

I think everyone is entitled to set their own boundaries with what they are comfortable with.

Put for a pp to use the work "pervy", because one member of a long term couple is relaxed about nakedness, completely devalues the term.

Aprilx · 25/09/2021 09:24

@Workinghardeveryday

My dp would think I was weird if I had a problem with this. I can’t remember the last time I had a bath without at least 2 people coming in the bathroom. Usually to have a poo - we have 2 other toilets! Personally I think it’s an excuse to have a chat while they are on the toilet! Or to brush teeth. I don’t think he realises it’s an issue for you. Just drop into conversation how you’re looking forward to a lovely bath, you love baths, the peace and quiet and just spending time on your own data busy day etc...
What is wrong with you! (all of you not just you). Having a poo whilst someone else is in the bath is disgusting.
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 25/09/2021 09:26

If we need something from the bathroom or in the bedroom while the other person is getting a shower or changed then we just go ahead. If that's a physical thing from the bathroom or an urgent chat about something. But 99pc of the time we wont.

And I think thats what's weird about your husband. Does he spend all day popping in and out the bathroom for stuff or hanging around in the bedrooms? If not and it just coincides when you're there, so he is essentially deliberately disturbing you each time, then that would drive me mad. Not so much from the privacy angle but from the having a bit of space angle. Why is he following you around? Why cant he just wait a few minutes? I've seen a few threads like this and it seems like the men are either really insecure and clingy or jealous and controlling and paranoid their wife is going to start texting someone else the minute they have some time alone and want to assert their dominance and show her body isnt her own etc.

Dizzy1234 · 25/09/2021 09:26

Yeah I wouldn't like it, I like my privacy and my OH respects that.
Otoh OH likes to walk around upstairs naked when he's changing / showering, if I'm unlucky enough to be upstairs I get "treated" to a demonstration of the willy helicopter dance 🙄 I usually piss on his parade by saying "hang on a mo, while I get me glasses" 😂

HunkyPunk · 25/09/2021 09:26

I can’t remember the last time I had a bath without at least 2 people coming in the bathroom. Usually to have a poo

I’m going to have to assume, for my own peace of mind, that the people in question are young children who don’t know any better! Grin

Taiyo · 25/09/2021 09:26

@MrsSeal

If I say stop, he will. I don’t need to lock the door and tbh should not have to. I was just wondering what the consensus was.
Shouldn't have to lock the door?

That's such a weird way of looking at things.

CityMumma78 · 25/09/2021 09:27

You’re not being unreasonable, nor are you prudish for wanting privacy!

Slipperfairy · 25/09/2021 09:28

Toileting, no.
Anything else, not an issue. Dh goes to work while I'm in the shower. He usually comes in to say goodbye while I'm mid shower. I wouldn't to him, but I wouldn't want my hair to frizz.

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