Or prudish, to want a bit more privacy?

[MrsSeal]

I find this really annoying and wondering if I’m being unreasonable or not. I’m not really looking for advice as he will stop if I say so but I don’t know if just saying so is unreasonable.

Whenever I have a shower or bath, DH will come in. Sometimes to talk to me, sometimes to look for something.

He also will wait in the adjoining bedroom so I can’t get dressed without an audience.

I probably am a bit prudish but I do feel a bit exposed and uncomfortable standing there without any clothes on. I just don’t like it and would prefer to shower and dress without an audience!

So AIBU or prudish?

@AmorFati

I'm not a prude, I don't have any problem being naked around a partner, but I think that a man who is always following you into the bathroom, seeking your attention, not giving you a break when you might be focused on yourself is showing a red flag.

I might be over sensitive. This is one of the hundred passive controlling things that my ex used to do to me, and he'd always excuse himself "I'm just like that!" and never stopped. He was a Ruiner of small pleasures, a maker of tiny rules, a breaker of boundaries, and a master of little doses of contempt.

Well quite.

The OP says he’ll stop if she asks - so that’s good.

But what’s a bit odd is that she’s not sure if she should ask - she’s not sure if she’s unreasonable not to like it.

So somewhere along the line her trust in her own instincts has been eroded - she’s questioning whether it’s OK to even say ‘I don’t like this, please act accordingly’ to her husband.

So it could be him - he could be like the poster above’s ex, and it could be a red flag.

Or it could be OP is not confident in her own boundaries for another reason unrelated to him.

Who knows! As OP says MN thinks it’s more of a problem than it is anyway, so nothing to see here etc.

Anyway, I think we can all agree no one can agree on what is a ‘normal’ level of privacy in the bathroom and when getting undressed/dressed.

@chitchatchatter

Thing is, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks or if it would bother them or not, it bothers you. YANBU to say that you want to be left alone when washing and dressing because that’s how you feel.

This. If it bothers you, it’s definitely not unreasonable to establish your own boundaries. Some people might find it prudish - so what? I’m also somebody who values a bit more privacy. I think it’s important to let those around you know what you’re comfortable with. Doesn't matter what others might think.

Me and dh both do this to each other BUT we both have no issues doing it so that makes it different for you as it’s making you feel uncomfortable. Perhaps have a word, he may genuinely not know that it makes you feel uncomfortable/you would like some privacy.

I'd just say get out. Have you tried that?

This wouldn't bother me at all me and dh will come in and out the bathroom if one of us in the bath / shower there's no issue but if you don't like it then tell him

[quote MyPatronusIsACat]@LukeEvansWife

Wow. Thanks for explaining that, being thick as pigshit I didn't realise.

LOL!!

@MasterBeth People aren't thick or badly educated you know, we all know there are properties with more than 3 toilets, but many people don't know anyone who lives in a house with more than 3 toilets. The vast VAST majority of homes in this country (for ordinary non-rich people,) will have one or two toilets.

Bigger homes (like 5/6 bed executive homes) may have 3. A toilet in the bathroom, a downstairs toilet, and one in the en suite. Very few will have 4 toilets. Even in a 5/6 bed 'executive homes,' with a study, a conservatory, a utility room, a separate dressing room etc,) it is NOT the norm to have 4 or more toilets. So don't pretend it is...[/quote]
Please explain where I said it was the norm to have four toilets or that anyone was badly educated.

My original reply was to the posts… How can people have so many bathrooms? / I was surprised by 4 bathrooms.

The point I was making is not about toilets, it’s about people on Mumsnet not being able to see very far beyond their own personal circumstances. You see it on threads about income, where people with people on high or low incomes accused of lying or fantasising. You see it on threads about relationships, where people who say they trust their partners are told they’re being naive or foolish.

I ALWAYS close our loo ensuite door and there is no way in hell my husband would open the door.
It would only be closed because it was in use.

If he is doing THAT continuously when it must be obvious you would like some privacy then he needs firmly telling.

I hear what@AmorFati and would agree the behaviour could be used in an abusive pattern.

@ufucoffee

I'd just say get out. Have you tried that?

Exactly!! This is becoming more than what it is.

It’s not weird or pervy just bloody annoying. I wouldn’t dream of going into the bathroom when DH is showering or on the loo and vise versa. I’ve no issue with him seeing me naked and I don’t feel exposed I just think everyone is entitled to have a shower in peace and go to the toilet in privacy. You don’t have to share everything!

Before I ended up disabled I used to love a bath and even last thing at night seemed to end up with 2 cats and at least one child needing something, usually a wee. (tbf one of the cats loved a bath she would join me). Dh knew that unless he was on fire or the house fell down I didn't want to know! Now I'm restricted to showers the cats still watch but I seem to end up with a queue of people including DH instead when I am getting washed or dressed or just on the loo in the downstairs bathroom who simply have to tell me something in that exact second, I think it's because I can't escape. The record was 3 cats, 1 dog and 3 people. Now they are all offended I lock the door.