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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or prudish, to want a bit more privacy?

185 replies

MrsSeal · 25/09/2021 08:59

I find this really annoying and wondering if I’m being unreasonable or not. I’m not really looking for advice as he will stop if I say so but I don’t know if just saying so is unreasonable.

Whenever I have a shower or bath, DH will come in. Sometimes to talk to me, sometimes to look for something.

He also will wait in the adjoining bedroom so I can’t get dressed without an audience.

I probably am a bit prudish but I do feel a bit exposed and uncomfortable standing there without any clothes on. I just don’t like it and would prefer to shower and dress without an audience!

So AIBU or prudish?

OP posts:
BettysGotMoxie · 25/09/2021 12:48

I don’t usually have a problem with this sort of thing but I’m not feeling very confident recently. In the last 18 months I’ve had a pregnancy/baby and and an operation on my abdomen. I was getting changed the other day and he was chatting away to me and I felt myself covering up until he was gone. Sometimes we just don’t want to be seen in our most vulnerable states, even by those we love and trust the most. It’s not weird at all, just have a word with him and ask him to knock before he comes in the room or whatever and then it’s your choice x

Original poster
MrsSeal · 25/09/2021 12:56

There aren’t actually locks on the bathroom doors. I could add some, but I don’t need to. I would just say to not come in.

I think (as with most MN threads, to be fair) people have made it more of a problem than it is.

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 25/09/2021 13:01

"You must be able to conceive of a big house. "

Yes, of course. I've seen mansions and castles on TV. I don't think I've been inside a house with 4 toilets though so it's still surprising to me.

MasterBeth · 25/09/2021 13:06

@LukeEvansWife I don’t know anyone who has a butler but I know some people have butlers. I don’t know anyone with a partner in prison but there are thousands of people with partners in prison.

Mumsnet is an Internet forum that anyone can join. It would be much more surprising if everyone here shared your lifestyle and experiences.

MasterBeth · 25/09/2021 13:07

@Gwenhwyfar

"You must be able to conceive of a big house. "

Yes, of course. I've seen mansions and castles on TV. I don't think I've been inside a house with 4 toilets though so it's still surprising to me.

Jeez, there’s a long way between “a house with 4 toilets” and a castle!
LukeEvansWife · 25/09/2021 13:08

[quote MasterBeth]@LukeEvansWife I don’t know anyone who has a butler but I know some people have butlers. I don’t know anyone with a partner in prison but there are thousands of people with partners in prison.

Mumsnet is an Internet forum that anyone can join. It would be much more surprising if everyone here shared your lifestyle and experiences.[/quote]
Wow. Thanks for explaining that, being thick as pigshit I didn't realise.

It was just an observation.

RosesAndHellebores · 25/09/2021 13:10

When I were a lass my pink vanity basin was the piece de resistance Grin.

I really appreciate our outdoor bog for the gardeners!

MasterBeth · 25/09/2021 13:11

It was a dumb observation.

Look, a house with four toilets that isn’t a castle:
www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/113937776

Staffy1 · 25/09/2021 13:12

My dp would think I was weird if I had a problem with this. I can’t remember the last time I had a bath without at least 2 people coming in the bathroom. Usually to have a poo - we have 2 other toilets! Personally I think it’s an excuse to have a chat while they are on the toilet! Or to brush teeth

Oh no, that is grim! Reminds me of a Father Ted episode but I wouldn’t have thought anyone would have a poo in the same room as someone having a bath in reality.

Lovelydovey · 25/09/2021 13:13

I snapped at DH after he would just wander into the bathroom while I was in the shower for a chat. He’s largely stopped now. It’s one thing popping in to hang a towel up or grab a toothbrush to take to the other bathroom, a full on chat while ogling is not comfortable.

LukeEvansWife · 25/09/2021 13:13

[quote MasterBeth]It was a dumb observation.

Look, a house with four toilets that isn’t a castle:
www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/113937776[/quote]
'Dumb'? Really

Ableist AND rude. Quite clever to be both in five words

LukeEvansWife · 25/09/2021 13:15

And I wasn't even sure which of us you were having a go at. Anyway, post reported

MasterBeth · 25/09/2021 13:16

Apologies. It was a stupid observation.

LobsterNapkin · 25/09/2021 13:16

This just depends on what you want, so you have to tell people.

Lots of families will come into bathrooms when someone is in the shower, and many married people would think nothing of being naked in the same room and chatting etc. Like, it wouldn't even occur to them it would be a problem.

It does not mean they are pervy, and if you prefer privacy you need to say so.

LukeEvansWife · 25/09/2021 13:16

Ah well that's only rude then.

Original poster
MrsSeal · 25/09/2021 13:17

To be fair, I never said that it was pervy.

OP posts:
NoBetterthanSheShouldBe · 25/09/2021 13:18

It wouldn’t bother me - I used to wish XH wanted to see me naked, but he looked away in the last few years. (Perfectly average body).

Using the toilet in front of others is a no-no after the age of 5.

GreyhoundG1rl · 25/09/2021 13:19

I can’t remember the last time I had a bath without at least 2 people coming in the bathroom. Usually to have a poo - we have 2 other toilets!
So lock the door Confused

MyPatronusIsACat · 25/09/2021 13:22

@LukeEvansWife

Wow. Thanks for explaining that, being thick as pigshit I didn't realise.

Grin LOL!!

@MasterBeth People aren't thick or badly educated you know, we all know there are properties with more than 3 toilets, but many people don't know anyone who lives in a house with more than 3 toilets. The vast VAST majority of homes in this country (for ordinary non-rich people,) will have one or two toilets.

Bigger homes (like 5/6 bed executive homes) may have 3. A toilet in the bathroom, a downstairs toilet, and one in the en suite. Very few will have 4 toilets. Even in a 5/6 bed 'executive homes,' with a study, a conservatory, a utility room, a separate dressing room etc,) it is NOT the norm to have 4 or more toilets. So don't pretend it is...

VickyEadieofThigh · 25/09/2021 13:23

It's intrusive - my )female) partner and I have been together for more than 22 years and throughout that time have been agreed that the bathroom is a place for privacy.

Naunet · 25/09/2021 13:25

@MrsSeal

There aren’t actually locks on the bathroom doors. I could add some, but I don’t need to. I would just say to not come in.

I think (as with most MN threads, to be fair) people have made it more of a problem than it is.

I think you’ve done that by telling us this problem, even though you’re now saying it doesn’t actual exist because if you tell him not to come in, he respects it.
Naunet · 25/09/2021 13:27

*actually

GADDay · 25/09/2021 13:30

I find it a bit odd that you are uncomfortable being naked in front of your husband. BUT each to their own.

GreyhoundG1rl · 25/09/2021 13:36

@MrsSeal

There aren’t actually locks on the bathroom doors. I could add some, but I don’t need to. I would just say to not come in.

I think (as with most MN threads, to be fair) people have made it more of a problem than it is.

Well, that's a new one... MN: No, yanbu at all. Op: Yes, I am !, You're all making it far more of a problem than it is! Whatever... 🤷🏻‍♀️
chitchatchatter · 25/09/2021 13:36

Thing is, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks or if it would bother them or not, it bothers you. YANBU to say that you want to be left alone when washing and dressing because that’s how you feel.

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