Or prudish, to want a bit more privacy?

[MrsSeal]

I find this really annoying and wondering if I’m being unreasonable or not. I’m not really looking for advice as he will stop if I say so but I don’t know if just saying so is unreasonable.

Whenever I have a shower or bath, DH will come in. Sometimes to talk to me, sometimes to look for something.

He also will wait in the adjoining bedroom so I can’t get dressed without an audience.

I probably am a bit prudish but I do feel a bit exposed and uncomfortable standing there without any clothes on. I just don’t like it and would prefer to shower and dress without an audience!

So AIBU or prudish?

Letting your husband know that something he is doing makes you uncomfortable is never unreasonable.

I hate the language use on this thread. 'Relaxed' 'easy going' vs 'prude. My husband and I never go into the bathroom if the other is showering or toileting. It has never occurred to wither of us to do it. As for changing if front of each other. We tend to leave the other alone on a day to day basis but there is no issue if we are both changing together. Neither of us take more than 5 minutes to change so can't picture a conversation so urgent it couldn't wait. We are very relaxed, no embarrassment or tension. We are plenty easy-going, just don't need to chat while the other squeezes out a shit!

For thoes of you who do inteude, how do you have a proper chat while one of you is in the shower without having to bellow?

Fwiw I agree with your AIBU but why are you having a pop at another poster. I have seen quite a few of @GreyhoundG1rl's posts in various places but haven't seen any arseholic ones.

Have reported your personal attack

It is not clear from your posts if have told your DH you don't like him seeing in a shower or being naked after. Some people don't like it, clearly you are one of those, some people feel it is perfectly natural. I would say you are unreasonable if you haven't told him, and perfectly reasonable if he is doing it despite previous explanation

It's your body, and you get to say when and where anyone else gets to see it naked, including your DP.

I can understand where the disconnect comes from, since (I presume) your DP has seen it all before, and he may not care if you see him, but just saying what you each want would be a good first step. You are allowed boundaries.

@MrsSeal

There aren’t actually locks on the bathroom doors. I could add some, but I don’t need to. I would just say to not come in.

I think (as with most MN threads, to be fair) people have made it more of a problem than it is.

This thread is tedious.

You don’t want to get a lock for the bathroom door.
You don’t want to tell DH not to come in

What on Earth do you want?!

There's a large range of normal. The important bit is communicating and establishing boundaries.

Our house didn't have locks, and moving in with a young family, we haven't put locks on yet. If we were or become more bothered about privacy then using locks to establish boundaries is a valid option. They are there to be functional not decorative

During today's wallow in the bath, I've had DH come in and chat about what he's agreed with the neighbour about fencing and gates and DS2 joined for a 15 min soak. I'd be cheesed off if either/ both stuck around for the whole bath and I insist that DS1 does use one of the other toilets (he has ASD and this one is normally allocated for his use) but for passing by, it's within my comfort zone. If it wasn't the door would be shut (it was open so I could keep an ear out on the household) and I'd tell them to bog off.

Regular, sustained loitering would be annoying though.

I'm married a long time and even though I am 100% comfortable undressing in front of my husband and do, everyday, he would automatically say oh excuse me if he came into our bedroom and I had just had a shower.

Similarly I would do the same.
I think it is just a courtesy thing.

I certainly wouldn't like it if he was coming up to speak to me every time in the shower, so yes I don't think you are prudish or unreasonable.

You do need to lock the door if you don't want people to come into the bathroom and if you want privacy dressing, you need to do it in the bathroom rather than a shared bedroom. As long as your DP accepts these boundaries, there should be no problem.

[quote MasterBeth]It was a dumb observation.

Look, a house with four toilets that isn’t a castle:
www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/113937776[/quote]
Ah, Cyncoed. I was door knocking in Cyncoed once and told my colleague I'd take the next house only to find the second gate was also for that house. I still didn't know they had four toilets though.

4 toilets doesn't seem that unusual to me. We have six inside. One on the ground floor, one on the first floor, one in the main bathroom and one in each of the en-suites - only have two actual baths though.

An estate agent told me that nowadays purchasers expect two bathrooms per 1000 sq feet.

I even have 7 bog brushes and fully expect the shock that will cause MNet to make the site crash.

Oh lord - now we will have the competitive number of toilets

It's clear that millions of people have a tiny little apartment with 27 bathrooms - we get it

If you don't trust him or feel comfortable enough for him to see you naked how do you have sex?

@RosesAndHellebores

4 toilets doesn't seem that unusual to me. We have six inside. One on the ground floor, one on the first floor, one in the main bathroom and one in each of the en-suites - only have two actual baths though.

An estate agent told me that nowadays purchasers expect two bathrooms per 1000 sq feet.

I even have 7 bog brushes and fully expect the shock that will cause MNet to make the site crash.

This isn’t even a stealth brag, just a straight up brag.

Regularly chat while one of us is in the bath or shower/having a wee/walking round naked and getting dressed. Bathroom door is very rarely closed.

He's my partner, it wouldn't occur to me to be bothered and he feels the same. It's been the same in all relationships we've been in too, though, so it's normal for us.

But that doesn't mean you're not allowed privacy if you want it!

(Although I would maybe question why you find it difficult to be naked around your partner? But like I say, I'm coming from a very relaxed POV on this so it seems odd to me!)

@furbabymama87

If you don't trust him or feel comfortable enough for him to see you naked how do you have sex?

There is a difference between sex with someone and having them coming in to talk to you in the shower.

This happens occasionally, I don’t lock the door when I have a bath or shower. If we are in a rush and getting ready at the same time then we will both be in and out while the other is in the shower. I have a bath of an evening to relax though and DH wouldn’t come in unless he needed to speak to me urgently. I wouldn’t be impressed if it happened every time!

Also, hope you have a lock on the bathroom door that guests might use!

No, it isn’t. We don't even have any locks on our bathroom doors, aside from one guests use. It’s basic respect to give someone privacy when a door is shut. It’s weirder to feel that you need a lock to keep out your family!

Quote fail. That was in response to the PP who said it’s weird to think you wouldn’t need a lock!

@Imabitbusyatthemoment

No, it isn’t. We don't even have any locks on our bathroom doors, aside from one guests use. It’s basic respect to give someone privacy when a door is shut. It’s weirder to feel that you need a lock to keep out your family!

So, you don't shut the door unless someone is in there?

Our toilet door is always shut, so unless you lock the door, you can't tell if anyone is in there or not. Same for the bathroom. I have three kids and a mixture of boys and girls, so I think privacy is important. We're not a prudish family at all. But I really have no interest in watching anyone poo!

YANBU. If the shower door or bedroom door are shut then I expect people to know that I want privacy. I don't mind as much when I'm in the bath, for some reason, but it doesn't really happen. I don't understand people being OK about no privacy on the loo. No thanks.

Does he follow you everywhere normally? Can he not be alone for ten minutes?