To really strongly dislike my autistic child

[Candy999]

I am so drained. My DS autistic 6 year old drains every bit of life out of me. No matter what I do for him it is never enough. I can no longer cope with the daily shrieking, screaming, constant outbursts etc. I take him on so many trips out and nice experiences and it’s never enough for him and when we do go it’s just kick off after kick off all the time because everything needs to be his way. When he’s around me all I want to do is lay down and block out the noise and when he’s not here and I have time to do things like household chores etc I just have no motivation to do it as I just want to sit and enjoy the peace.

Currently pregnant with second child and I have no idea how I’m going to cope. My biggest fear is I’m going to go through all of this again with another child. I try so hard to show him love and affection and get nothing back. Yes he’ll ask for cuddles etc but it’s very brief and only because he wants something.

If SS came up to me tomorrow and said someone else would parent him I would happily agree to it. I’m at breaking point.
I contacted my gp a few weeks ago to enquire about some kind of medication for him and we have been referred to the paediatrician but not heard anything back. I just can’t bear it anymore. I love my child more than anything but to be frank theirs times I can’t stand the sight of him.
I want to try and get him into a residential school as feel it would be best all round but I have no idea how to go about this.
I know it’s not his fault but I just feel like why did I have to be the person to be dealt such a crappy life!

Trips out and nice experiences? For an autistic child, they would be Hell.

YABU.

I don't think YABU. I feel for you. Can you contact the school nurse to ask for help? Does he go to mainstream school?

It sounds really tough.

I'd focus on getting a routine that works best, and is predictable in order to make your life as easy as it can be and to get some thinking space.

Sorry the first lot of replies are the sanctimonious ones. Things sound v shit for you, how helpful are school being re accessing additional support?

Fuck me you lot have had an empathy bypass.

Sorry things are so hard for you op. Keep on at the GP , be a thorn in their side until they pay attention. Can you childs school offer you any help?

I can only hope that you're exhausted and not thinking properly. Your DS is your DS. He sees and experiences the world in an entirely different way to the vast majority of people. Your role as his mum is to help him navigate this sometimes cruel world, and find the potential in each situation.

I don't think YABU either, bless you.
I can't offer any advice, but you have my sympathies and

Sounds really tough, OP. And for the people who are judging you, they clearly haven't spent time in your shoes.

Hi OP. Maybe it's too much. How about the simple things? Or just stay at home if your having a busy day.

What support at home have you got? Did you plan the second baby?

I have an autistic child, I’ve spent 10 years in her shoes, thanks.

It sounds like you need some kind of repsite. Do you have family for support? how does your partner feel about things?

What a crappy first few posts for someone who is clearly struggling. I have no answers for you, OP but hope someone will be along who can help you.

In the meantime, I don't think you are BU. You sound like you are finding this all so hard and perhaps have had an especially difficult day

@Mombie2021

I have an autistic child, I’ve spent 10 years in her shoes, thanks.

Yes you have your child and life, OP has hers. Stop judging.

stop taking him out so much . no wonder he is bloody screaming. poor sod. sounds like hell.

what are his sensory needs?
is he a sensory seeker or an avoider. can be different for each sense.
(touch, light touch, temperature, sight, sound, movement, )

has he got a quiet place to retreat to?
what calms him down? (firm hug, heavy work, rocking in one direction, quiet place, stimming?)
do you keep his blood sugars up?
what makes him scream. keep a record of what you have done/what happens before hand.
is he better if you stop talking at him?

Stop taking him places if it causes him so much distress. I understand wanting him to still experience things but he isn't if he can't cope.

When is he calmest? Whatever it is just do that. He doesn't need to do what other kids do. If he needs to be on youtube all day, or lining up cars or watching cbeebies, just do that.

He isn't like other children, make things easy on yourself.

That sounds really difficult and relentless for you. You have done a brave thing here by opening up and admitting your true feelings around the circumstances.

Have you tried making contact with other parents of children with autism? Perhaps there is a group local to you that could offer you support through experience.

I am a mother to a child with asd and it is hard. But I don't want to give him away. It can be a thankless job, but parenting can anyway, asd aside.
I agree about the outings. My child cannot bear to leave the house most of the time, and when we manage it , it's got to be short and sweet really. Feed him before we go, snacks for on the way for in case, and some sort of food /drink straight after. Because for him even slight hunger results in meltdown.
Do you get any sort of help with him?

Wow some of the replies on here are absolutely shocking. People need to show some empathy for someone who is clearly struggling.
If you don't have anything supportive to say except " you have options " or "for the love of god get a coil" you really need to just not respond. pretty disgusting.