To really strongly dislike my autistic child

[Candy999]

I am so drained. My DS autistic 6 year old drains every bit of life out of me. No matter what I do for him it is never enough. I can no longer cope with the daily shrieking, screaming, constant outbursts etc. I take him on so many trips out and nice experiences and it’s never enough for him and when we do go it’s just kick off after kick off all the time because everything needs to be his way. When he’s around me all I want to do is lay down and block out the noise and when he’s not here and I have time to do things like household chores etc I just have no motivation to do it as I just want to sit and enjoy the peace.

Currently pregnant with second child and I have no idea how I’m going to cope. My biggest fear is I’m going to go through all of this again with another child. I try so hard to show him love and affection and get nothing back. Yes he’ll ask for cuddles etc but it’s very brief and only because he wants something.

If SS came up to me tomorrow and said someone else would parent him I would happily agree to it. I’m at breaking point.
I contacted my gp a few weeks ago to enquire about some kind of medication for him and we have been referred to the paediatrician but not heard anything back. I just can’t bear it anymore. I love my child more than anything but to be frank theirs times I can’t stand the sight of him.
I want to try and get him into a residential school as feel it would be best all round but I have no idea how to go about this.
I know it’s not his fault but I just feel like why did I have to be the person to be dealt such a crappy life!

Do you think that all the lovely outings you take him on might be too much for him and that he might be better with a more settled routine at home? I am no expert, but it is just a thought.

This must be so very hard for you and your feelings are entirely understandable. Sending a handhold.

How upsetting for you both.
mMaybe ditch the days out and establish a quiet regular time at home.

My ASD one can be fairly unlikeable at times and it is easy to get into a negative spiral of seeing the worst in him and getting into a battle. My DP feels like you do quite a lot. What support do you have? We didn't get much post diagnosis though there were some support groups locally and I have done a lot of reading books for advice which has been helpful. The OT we saw through CAMHS was also great.

At age 6 your child will have a very poor understanding of their own coping abilities. Just because they want to go places all the time doesn't mean they are able to cope with so much stimulation.

As other have said the disability ss team can be really helpful, but in my area it's a 2 year wait currently.

Carers centres are often good sources of support. Also have a look for ASD clubs and activities. One of the best things about these is meeting parents in similar situations.

Is respite care a thing? Have no idea so don't shout at me.

This thread was started in 2021 so I expect things have moved on for the OP.

There’s some proper dicks on this thread.
I’m really sorry, OP. It all sounds so very hard. I do agree with simplifying life though, in the hope that it makes things easier.

YANBU.
Do you have a Community Services Board in your city? If so, you might call them and ask if they can help you navigate the steps involved in obtaining assistance for your DS, such as specific therapies that target his particular needs. For ex, Animal Therapy, where horses are often used to help calm a highly anxious child. CSB might be able to provide you with phone numbers to places that provide assistance. If not, perhaps try Social Services. The one we have here in Newport News, VA, provides help with all sorts of needs. Perhaps yours does, too. Here is a link you might want to check out to see some possible options you might have:

https://raisingchildren.net.au/autism/therapies-services/therapies-interventions/types-of-interventions-for-asd

I must admit, my first thought when I read the OP was: 'If parenting your first born has been so crap, why on earth did you opt to do it a second time?' Clearly, others think the same as me... but they have have absolutely NO filter. It's still a fair question, though.

Your filter doesn’t seem too effective though? It doesn’t seem a particularly helpful or kind question to ask someone in this situation to me.

The thread is four years old so I imagine the OP is in a different place now. I very much hope things have improved for her.

Hi all,
This is quite an old thread, really, so we are hopeful that the OP does not feel the same way now. We'll close this thread to new posts.