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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wants me to stay home as he has covid

179 replies

ericaandfamily · 24/09/2021 08:53

DH tested positive for covid yesterday after 4 days of symptoms (he self isolated from the day he had symptoms).

I am office based and double jabbed. I have a work event in London today and then I am meant to be seeing friends after (friends I haven't seen in 2 years).

If we are double jabbed, work are not allowing us to work at home - they want everyone in the office.

DH has a temperature and says he aches, has been sleeping on the sofa with a duvet. I am out of the house from 7-7 this week at work so I've been avoiding him (in a nice way) as I get in from work, shower and then have been watching TV in the bedroom as he is sleeping a lot. Apart from handing him paracetamol, making him dinner and drinks of course.

He says I should go to work then stay in tonight, he is 30, healthy, double jabbed. Yes, he is poorly but is able to shower/move about etc.

We don't have any children.

He has now got the complete ump because I still want to go tonight, my friends are aware of his positive covid test, I am wearing a mask in public still and using antibac lots and have done throughout the pandemic. Touch wood, I haven't had it.

Am I unfair for leaving him on his own today? He has bottles of water, I made him breakfast, he has paracetamol and cold patches for his head. I feel like a shit wife for wanting to go out because he said it's selfish and now I don't know what to do!

If he was unable to move/breathless then yes I would absolutely stay in but I have my phone on me, I am not drinking, he's 5 days in with symptoms.

Any thoughts? Fully prepared to be told I'm unfair.

OP posts:
Howshouldibehave · 24/09/2021 08:55

It sounds like he just doesn’t want you to go out!

pelosi · 24/09/2021 08:56

YANBU. Go!

dementedpixie · 24/09/2021 08:56

Have you done a PCR test?
Think that's advised in England and mandatory in Scotland if there's a positive case in the household

marykitty · 24/09/2021 08:56

I would stay in.
I do understand you need to go to work, but I would avoid any unnecessary contact with other people, plus you will show him you are there for him.

Original poster
ericaandfamily · 24/09/2021 08:56

@Howshouldibehave I would think the same but neither of us mind if the other goes out (maybe once every 2 months without eachother, with our own friends and once a month as a big group) and now I feel mean x

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 24/09/2021 08:56

DD had Covid recently and neither DS1 not I (both double jabbed) caught it. Before going anywhere public we took LFTs just as a precaution.

We did basically confine her to her room with very minimal contact - how much contact have you had with your DH?

I don't think you're unreasonable to leave him whilst he's ill though, given he's not got the more serious symptoms.

SoupDragon · 24/09/2021 08:57

We both took PCRs after DD's positive one.

Original poster
ericaandfamily · 24/09/2021 08:57

@dementedpixie I have done home tests and had a PCR yesterday afternoon on my lunch which has come back negative.

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 24/09/2021 08:58

I wouldn’t go because though I’m double vaxxed I could still carry and pass on.

At least take a LFT before you go to your work event? Not wildly accurate but better than nothing.

Notimeforaname · 24/09/2021 08:58

Yeah I agree with Howshouldibehave he's fine for you to go to work. Just not out with friendsConfused Go. Have a nice time.

Shirleyphallus · 24/09/2021 08:58

I don’t think you’re unreasonable to leave him when he’s ill, but I feel a bit odd about people who are in close contact with people who have covid going out and about in contact with the general public etc (even though I know that’s the guidance)

hotelharibo · 24/09/2021 08:59

I would go to work but not out after.

Advise is to limit social contacts if a member of your household is positive.

How would you feel if you felt dreadful and he was going out with his mates?

ForestDad · 24/09/2021 08:59

Is he scared of the illness progressing? An oximeter would be useful to keep an eye on his O2 sats. When I'm ill I'd normally rather be alone most of the time to rest.
Also if I were you I'd be doing daily LFT as you could be spreading around your work/anywhere you go without knowing it otherwise.

Iggly · 24/09/2021 09:00

Having a PCR doesn’t mean you can’t develop covid in a few days or so.

The rules as they stand are ridiculous but they do give you that freedom, so I understand why you still want to go out.

Maybe he’s a bit worried having been double jabbed that he’s still poorly, and that’s really why he wants you home?

Notimeforaname · 24/09/2021 09:00

I wouldn’t go because though I’m double vaxxed I could still carry and pass on but op is already out
at work 7-7

DamnUserName21 · 24/09/2021 09:01

@marykitty

I would stay in. I do understand you need to go to work, but I would avoid any unnecessary contact with other people, plus you will show him you are there for him.
Oh please. Is OP expected to babysit him? He is being pathetic, OP. He can manage without you being there to wipe his ass and fetch for him. Go out.
Cuddlyrottweiler · 24/09/2021 09:01

Go. He's a big boy. He can ring you if he gets worryingly worse.

blissfulllife · 24/09/2021 09:03

You're one of the reasons I'm terrified to go out lately. Your in close contact with someone with Covid but still want to go out unnecessarily. You're double jabbed but you can still pass it on you know. I've no choice but to leave my home but I'm CEV so it feels pretty scary. I'd never want to pass in a potentially deadly virus to anyone and I'd definitely not go out if My dh had Covid. Especially not to bloody socialise

ANameChangeAgain · 24/09/2021 09:04

Its fine, misery just likes company. He isn't particularly ill, you have been tested, you and your friends are double jabbed. Do another test just before you go.

MrsSkylerWhite · 24/09/2021 09:05

Notimeforaname

“but op is already out
at work 7-7“

Indeed,
I meant work event and out in the evening. I wouldn’t go to either but as OP seems to be saying she will be going to work in any case, then a LFT at the least is sensible.

If OP is unable to avoid the work event, which I know many people are now because of policy, at least not going out to socialise too will limit her interactions. Presumably, most companies are still trying to take Covid precautions.

marykitty · 24/09/2021 09:06

@DamnUserName21
If I were sick and wanted my DH to stay in with me, I would be happy to hear that he stays, that's it. Of course i am not judging the OP is she does not want to "babysit" (curious choice of word) her DH, she asked WWYD and I gave my answer.

LindaEllen · 24/09/2021 09:06

YANBU and what you're doing is fine from a legal perspective .. however .. when my stepson had covid lately I isolated with him, apart from to go out for walks where I wouldn't see anyone else. I had shopping delivered again, didn't socialise, and I already WFH. I know you can go out if you don't have symptoms yourself now, but I think if you can isolate and prevent spread, you should. There's not much you can do about going to work if they won't let you work from home, but you can minimise unnecessary socialising in busy public places.

Palilula · 24/09/2021 09:07

I feel like a shit wife for wanting to go out because he said it's selfish and now I don't know what to do!

How and why is it selfish, according to him? Because you're spending more time away from him than you absolutely need to? Because you're leaving him alone for a longer time (work event + meeting friends - assuming you can't stop home in between?) Or because you might be more likely to have/be able to spread COVID, even if undetected, and so should limit your contacts to what's (in his view) essential? Or something else?

Seemssounfair · 24/09/2021 09:09

Below is the advice. While you do not need to isolate, it is recommended you limit close contact in enclosed spaces. You need to decide if you meet with friends is in an enclosed space. Personally I wouldn't meet friends indoors while your dh is isolating.

Even if you are vaccinated, you can still be infected with COVID-19 and pass it on to others. If you are identified as a contact of someone with COVID-19 but you are not required to self-isolate, you can help protect others by following the guidance on how to stay safe and help prevent the spread. As well as getting a PCR test, you may also consider:

limiting close contact with other people outside your household, especially in enclosed spaces
^limiting contact with anyone who is clinically extremely vulnerable
taking part in twice weekly LFD testing^
wearing a face covering in enclosed spaces and where you are unable to maintain social distancing

This advice applies while the person in your household with COVID-19 is self-isolating.

FlorenceWintle · 24/09/2021 09:09

Difficult one. No problem with you going as it’s in accordance with the rules and you’ve done your tests.

I suppose it does seem a bit heartless to be out getting merry when he’s quite ill and has been alone for the entire day and evening. But then he’s not a toddler….

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