DH wants me to stay home as he has covid

[ericaandfamily]

DH tested positive for covid yesterday after 4 days of symptoms (he self isolated from the day he had symptoms).

I am office based and double jabbed. I have a work event in London today and then I am meant to be seeing friends after (friends I haven't seen in 2 years).

If we are double jabbed, work are not allowing us to work at home - they want everyone in the office.

DH has a temperature and says he aches, has been sleeping on the sofa with a duvet. I am out of the house from 7-7 this week at work so I've been avoiding him (in a nice way) as I get in from work, shower and then have been watching TV in the bedroom as he is sleeping a lot. Apart from handing him paracetamol, making him dinner and drinks of course.

He says I should go to work then stay in tonight, he is 30, healthy, double jabbed. Yes, he is poorly but is able to shower/move about etc.

We don't have any children.

He has now got the complete ump because I still want to go tonight, my friends are aware of his positive covid test, I am wearing a mask in public still and using antibac lots and have done throughout the pandemic. Touch wood, I haven't had it.

Am I unfair for leaving him on his own today? He has bottles of water, I made him breakfast, he has paracetamol and cold patches for his head. I feel like a shit wife for wanting to go out because he said it's selfish and now I don't know what to do!

If he was unable to move/breathless then yes I would absolutely stay in but I have my phone on me, I am not drinking, he's 5 days in with symptoms.

Any thoughts? Fully prepared to be told I'm unfair.

Completely agree with @HeartsAndClubs that following The Guidance seems to have trumped common sense. All along the rules have not mapped exactly on to virological safety.

I thought it was a given that if a member of your household had Covid you'd limit your social interactions as much as possible. I'm due to go to a funeral next week, but there's been a Covid outbreak in DP's workplace. We're both double jabbed but have tested negative so far but if he tests positive, I will absolutely not be going to the funeral even if I test negative.

I mean, I get why you want to go, but it does make me sad that everyone seems to think it’s fine to leave an unwell partner at home all day through choice. OP has no choice but to go into work, she has a choice to go out after. I can’t imagine a world where I would go out rather than make sure my partner was well and looked after, isn’t part of being in a good relationship? Not only that, you are probably spreading covid around more than necessary if he’s not being confined to one room in the house and having meals brought to him. It’s weird that you think looking after your unwell partner is babysitting.

Thank you everyone

Just to repeat from my OP; my friends do know he has tested positive, I am not sharing a bed with him (he's been on sofa since his symptoms started although I did offer him the bed), I have done 3 home tests and a PCR, one home test before I left this morning, PCR from my lunch break yesterday came back negative.

My friends and I have an outside table booked in a pub/restaurant.

@ikeepseeingit I didn't refer to being at home with my DH as "babysitting".

Also while your DH's symptoms don't sound like he needs nursing, and I wouldn't stay in to keep DP company if he just had a cold (nor would he ask), there's a weird subset of MN that seems to revel in the opportunity to be as unpleasant as possible to your partner if they're feeling down. It's like the default response to everything is "he can go fuck himself, do what you want".

If I get Covid it'll likely be mildly but even in that case I think I'd be a little more worried than if it was just a cold, knowing people with long Covid and so on. I'm not surprised anyone with it might need a bit of support.

Just from my perspective, I wouldn't want DH to stay home when he could be enjoying himself just because I was unwell.

I gave DH the green light to go abroad on a stag do whilst I was miscarrying 3 years ago, I was okay and had people I could call in an emergency.

I will be home before midnight, have my phone on me and I barely touch alcohol so won't be drinking tonight.

How would you feel if you felt absolutely crap and your DP had no choice but to go out to work but then when he got home .. he went out with his mates ?

I wouldn’t go out and socialise if a member of my household had covid unless I had not been in any contact with them again since my negative PCR.

If you have a recent PCR and are double jabbed then you are fine to go out.

But....Covid just ripped through our family despite everyone being double jabbed. 6 of my in laws, two friends, my two kids and husband. It was like dominoes following a family birthday. I didn't get it as I had covid earlier in the year.

But some people (my husband) took almost a week to show a positive test, and all of his LTFs were negative at home, as were my daughter's, and they were both positive.

So whilst you can go out, I'm not sure I would be going mad.

I wonder how your friends will react when you will casually throw in at the dinner ‘oh, by the way folks, my husband who i live with at the same house has covid at the moment, but there is nothing to worry about because i have only been passing him paracetamol and avoiding him when possible’
I would honestly hate you for evermore

Go out and have fun! He's ill not bed ridden! When I'm poorly I just want to be left alone and not fussed over. You've done everything right by testing so go out and have a fun evening!

Ok, just seen that they know. Hmm

[quote ericaandfamily]@ikeepseeingit I didn't refer to being at home with my DH as "babysitting".[/quote]
Ah sorry OP, must have got that muddled from reading some else’s reply. Reading your further comments, it seems your relationship does generally work this way if he went on a stag while you were miscarrying. However, how would you have felt if he went and you didn’t want him to go? Maybe he’s feeling worse than you realise if he doesn’t normally ask you to stay back. It sounds like you’re limiting contact which is good. Would it be wise to ring him later and ask him how he’s feeling before you head over to your work event? That way you can keep both options open.

You shouldn't go out with your friends. The advice (and common sense) is to limit contact with others if you're in contact with a positive case.

You could still carry the virus and pass it on to someone who can't have the vaccine for health reasons.

Don’t understand why someone wouldn’t want to stay with their unwell partner. Sounds like you’re really not that in to him.

Even with a negative PCR, if someone in your household has tested positive I think the most responsible thing to do would be to stay home where possible.

You can still pass it to others. In my opinion, it's quite selfish to still go out.

Ask him why he wants you to stay and just listen - maybe he is feeling scared. It may not be rational but these things arent.

I think you should go but before that and during and after talk to him and show him you care about what he needs and wants.

Some ppl revert to child mode when they are ill and need extra reassurance and fear abandonment etc. And cant see other PoV (re you seeing friends you havent seen in a while).

Enjoy seeing your friends! Be caring and show him love but dont feel guilty.

@ericaandfamily

Thank you everyone

Just to repeat from my OP; my friends do know he has tested positive, I am not sharing a bed with him (he's been on sofa since his symptoms started although I did offer him the bed), I have done 3 home tests and a PCR, one home test before I left this morning, PCR from my lunch break yesterday came back negative.

My friends and I have an outside table booked in a pub/restaurant.

I understand you’re taking some precautions and your friends are fine with this, but you can’t check with the waiting staff, the people who use the loo after you, the other people on public transport, etc if they don’t mind you being there.

I can understand the need to go to work but if I lived with someone with a confirmed, symptomatic case, I couldn’t bring myself to have optional social contacts as well. It’s not about being there to wait on him, but avoiding spread in the community if it’s not a necessary activity.

@HeartsAndClubs

Since when did guidance replace common sense and common decency?

Strikes me that all too often because something suddenly becomes guidance people treat it as if it’s mandatory, rather than exercising common sense and doing what is right compared to just what they want.

Going to work when someone in your house has tested positive for COVID is unavoidable. But going out when you are in a house where someone has tested positive for COVID is monumentally selfish because you can merrily be spreading COVID to all manner of people.

If your DH is actually self isolating then that’s one thing, but he isn’t. No, he’s not leaving the house, but he should be confined to one room with you leaving meals etc on a tray. You should be having 0 contact with him, but as things stand you are knowingly coming into contact with COVID every day and then heading out to spread it around.

A one off PCR test isn’t enough if you’re exposing yourself to COVID every single day.

But seems that a lot of people don’t realise what self isolation actually means.

The dh might not need looking after but we do see plenty of posts on here from OP’s who say they’re ill and don’t want their DH to go out on. Piss-up with their mates after having been at work all day because they just don’t want to be on their own any more, and the response is generally that the DH should stay home.

Yeah I agree.

I think you're missing everyone's points which say the guidance is to limit social contacts op. You're obviously going to go so why bother posting?

@Seemssounfair

Below is the advice. While you do not need to isolate, it is recommended you limit close contact in enclosed spaces. You need to decide if you meet with friends is in an enclosed space. Personally I wouldn't meet friends indoors while your dh is isolating.

Even if you are vaccinated, you can still be infected with COVID-19 and pass it on to others. If you are identified as a contact of someone with COVID-19 but you are not required to self-isolate, you can help protect others by following the guidance on how to stay safe and help prevent the spread. As well as getting a PCR test, you may also consider:

limiting close contact with other people outside your household, especially in enclosed spaces
^limiting contact with anyone who is clinically extremely vulnerable
taking part in twice weekly LFD testing^
wearing a face covering in enclosed spaces and where you are unable to maintain social distancing

This advice applies while the person in your household with COVID-19 is self-isolating.

Sounds like sensible advice.

I definitely wouldn’t go if my husband was unwell and asked me to stay. That said he doesn’t Police my social life generally so his request wouldn’t have another motive.

I think your friends are bonkers. There is no way I would knowingly socialise with someone who's partner is symptomatic with covid.
However I am very aware that my children are at school today with friends whose siblings have tested postive.
So maybe I am a bit of a hypocrite.

I wonder how many of the people saying ‘YANBU, just go!! The gov guidance says it’s fine!’ have decided to selectively follow the rules only when it suits them...

I honestly think it would be unwise to go out when someone you live with is covid positive.

The rules are just madness!!

Why are you asking for advice when it sounds like you have very much already made your mind up?

No I wouldn’t leave my husband alone at home if he was ill. My breathlessness came out of nowhere when I caught covid and was actually quite frightening. I understand not being able to help being at work but going home to keep him company whilst he feels like pants would be my priority - not socialising with friends.