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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wants me to stay home as he has covid

179 replies

ericaandfamily · 24/09/2021 08:53

DH tested positive for covid yesterday after 4 days of symptoms (he self isolated from the day he had symptoms).

I am office based and double jabbed. I have a work event in London today and then I am meant to be seeing friends after (friends I haven't seen in 2 years).

If we are double jabbed, work are not allowing us to work at home - they want everyone in the office.

DH has a temperature and says he aches, has been sleeping on the sofa with a duvet. I am out of the house from 7-7 this week at work so I've been avoiding him (in a nice way) as I get in from work, shower and then have been watching TV in the bedroom as he is sleeping a lot. Apart from handing him paracetamol, making him dinner and drinks of course.

He says I should go to work then stay in tonight, he is 30, healthy, double jabbed. Yes, he is poorly but is able to shower/move about etc.

We don't have any children.

He has now got the complete ump because I still want to go tonight, my friends are aware of his positive covid test, I am wearing a mask in public still and using antibac lots and have done throughout the pandemic. Touch wood, I haven't had it.

Am I unfair for leaving him on his own today? He has bottles of water, I made him breakfast, he has paracetamol and cold patches for his head. I feel like a shit wife for wanting to go out because he said it's selfish and now I don't know what to do!

If he was unable to move/breathless then yes I would absolutely stay in but I have my phone on me, I am not drinking, he's 5 days in with symptoms.

Any thoughts? Fully prepared to be told I'm unfair.

OP posts:
Caterina99 · 24/09/2021 10:17

I wouldn’t feel particularly bad leaving DH to go out with friends if he was ill. I know I just want to be left in peace when I’m not feeling great

I would however cancel a night out if my DH had covid. I’ve heard too many stories of double jabbed people catching it and spreading in and I wouldn’t want to pass it on to my friends

Blossomtoes · 24/09/2021 10:22

I’m glad I’m not one of your friends @ericaandfamily. I hope you’re going to tell them in advance that your bloke’s got covid so they have the chance to cry off. I wouldn’t want to spend an evening with you.

Original poster
ericaandfamily · 24/09/2021 10:25

@Frauhubert they won't hate me because they know he has tested positive as stated twice.

OP posts:
Original poster
ericaandfamily · 24/09/2021 10:26

@Blossomtoes you don't have to spend an evening with me, neither do my friends however they know he has tested positive. Thanks.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 24/09/2021 10:26

DS has just returned to school from isolation alongwith a lot of his friends and the initial PCR test (have you even taken one) was negative and then positive for a significant proportion of parents.

You arent out of the COVID woods and even though you dont need to isolate limiting contacts to what is necessary - which is work is needed. Going out this evening would if you were positive potentially start a chain that you dont want.

He is wrong to be telling you not to go out but I think you need to exercise caution and not go

Saoirse82 · 24/09/2021 10:27

@blissfulllife

You're one of the reasons I'm terrified to go out lately. Your in close contact with someone with Covid but still want to go out unnecessarily. You're double jabbed but you can still pass it on you know. I've no choice but to leave my home but I'm CEV so it feels pretty scary. I'd never want to pass in a potentially deadly virus to anyone and I'd definitely not go out if My dh had Covid. Especially not to bloody socialise
This! Fair enough if you have to go to work but I doubt when personal responsibility was mentioned that it included going out with your mates to socialise when a member of your household has covid. That just doesn't sit well with me and its certainly not something that I would do, I'd be limiting as much contact as I could.
Kindertonguehappierlife · 24/09/2021 10:27

I wouldn’t take the risk of passing it on as I’d feel too guilty if I happened to. I know so many double jabbed people who have been very unwell and who have passed it on to other double jabbed people. Even if my friends were ok with meeting me, I couldn’t take the risk

Blossomtoes · 24/09/2021 10:29

[quote ericaandfamily]@Blossomtoes you don't have to spend an evening with me, neither do my friends however they know he has tested positive. Thanks.[/quote]
The other customers won’t know nor will the waiting staff. I think you’re being completely irresponsible but obviously you don’t give a stuff about anyone else. 🤷‍♀️

SunshineCake1 · 24/09/2021 10:29

Definitely go for the fact he's trying to control you. If he couldn't manage then I'd say stay in. Funny how he can manage alone while you are working but not when you are out having fun...

LadyEloise1 · 24/09/2021 10:31

@HeartsAndClubs - "Since when did guidance replace common sense and common decency ?"

I agree with you 100%

Going to work may be unavoidable but going out to socialise when you are a very close contact of someone who has Covid is selfish. You could spread it. Sad

DotBall · 24/09/2021 10:32

I honestly think it would be unwise to go out when someone you live with is covid positive. The rules are just madness

This.
I have covid and now DH and adult DS have it - tested neg day 2 but pos day 8. All of us double jabbed (but I am CEV and very likely caught it in work (school).

The new rules on isolation are crackers, especially with the way the Delta variant is ripping through society.

COVIDQ · 24/09/2021 10:34

My DH has tested negative several times while I've had Covid for the last week. He had no symptoms. Yesterday, he tested positive. We are both fully vaccinated. Don't risk spreading Covid.

itispersonal · 24/09/2021 10:35

I personally don't think you should be going out unless it's necessary(like work and they won't allow you to work from home).

Though it is unfortunate you have friend meet up, I think as a close household contact you should be self isolating as much as possible. Regardless of what the government says you can and can't do! If he had d&v and you didn't. Would you still go out, unless necessary?

mrsm43s · 24/09/2021 10:36

I generally consider myself a bit "tough love" and disinclined to pander to people, but I wouldn't go.

I wouldn't go because I would follow the government advice to limit unnecessary contacts. I think you are pretty irresponsible to do anything other than what you must do by necessity tbh.

I wouldn't go, because my poorly husband has expressed a preference for me to come home, and I think its a bit unkind to leave him alone all day and all evening when he's unwell. Whilst I don't think he needs you to be at home with him, it will make him feel happier at a point where he's sick and miserable, and why wouldn't you do something as simple as postpone your night out for a week or so to keep the person you love company when they are feeling rough? It's the kind thing to do. I'd certainly want my husband around if I was feeling rough.

Of course, you do whatever you want. But my relationship would be on very shaky ground if we didn't show basic kindness to each other when unwell.

McFarts · 24/09/2021 10:37

I don't understand why you have posted? you are going anyway. You know the advice is to limit social contact, but you have chosen to ignore it. This is why we will end up with enforced restriction again, because people just do not think acting responsible applies to them.

darksideofthemooncup · 24/09/2021 10:38

My Dd had Covid, I was told in no uncertain terms that I was expected to go to work (in a supermarket) as the rules have changed and it's ok because I'm double jabbed. I think it's madness, I have been doing an LFT test every morning and my PCR was negative last week but whose to say I haven't contracted it since?
There is also the fact that I had to leave my poorly 13 year old alone, my bosses could not have given less of a shit about that, but that's another issue altogether.

LaikO · 24/09/2021 10:40

As others have said, why post? You're going to be selfish and socialise regardless, no wonder we have some of the highest rates of infection in the world. Maybe your friends aren't bothered, but the staff and customers around you (who may not be vaccinated for whatever reason) probably would.

diavlo · 24/09/2021 10:44

I personally wouldn’t go out to socialise because it’s horrible being on your own when you feel ill, so it just seems a bit unkind.

Applesonthelawn · 24/09/2021 10:46

Just depends how things roll in your relationship, I don't think it's unreasonable either way. But expect him to treat you the same as you treat him if the situation is reversed.

I'd be more worried about your capacity to transmit it tonight in closed spaces etc. talking to the same people for an extended period - that's what I wouldn't do, even if double jabbed and not yet displaying symptoms yourself.

girlmom21 · 24/09/2021 10:47

[quote ericaandfamily]@Blossomtoes you don't have to spend an evening with me, neither do my friends however they know he has tested positive. Thanks.[/quote]
What about the waitress/man on the train/customer on the next table who have been shielding for a vulnerable family member for the past 18 months? They don't get to choose?

What about the barman who's been furloughed because he's clinically vulnerable for well over a year and now has no choice but to work because he can't afford not to? He can't choose.

You're being incredibly selfish.

hedgehogger1 · 24/09/2021 10:50

I know several double vaccinated people who've been hospitalised with COVID to be as blasé as you appear to be about potentially passing COVID on to friends and staff wherever you're going out. You may have to go to work but I'd be staying as far away from others as poss, but the socialising can be delayed.

pelosi · 24/09/2021 10:50

@Blossomtoes

I’m glad I’m not one of your friends *@ericaandfamily*. I hope you’re going to tell them in advance that your bloke’s got covid so they have the chance to cry off. I wouldn’t want to spend an evening with you.
At least read the OP if you can’t be bothered to RTFT, FFS!!

She says in the OP - my friends are aware of his positive covid test

OP, don’t let him guilt trip you into staying. He went off on his stag do when you were miscarrying (albeit with your ok) so he needs to bloody well remember that!

wannabeamummysobad · 24/09/2021 10:51

@ericaandfamily YABU and honestly I think you are being selfish to society at large with you FU to the wider population just because you are double jabbed.

Some people are unable to get jabbed (CEV with allergies, kids, jabbed pregnant women who though symptoms would be lessened could still catch Covid)'and as someone has mentioned you may test positive in a few days and in this time because of your jaunt you may transmit the virus to a number of people.

Shame on you.

pelosi · 24/09/2021 10:52

What about the waitress/man on the train/customer on the next table who have been shielding for a vulnerable family member for the past 18 months? They don't get to choose?

What about the barman who's been furloughed because he's clinically vulnerable for well over a year and now has no choice but to work because he can't afford not to? He can't choose.

You're being incredibly selfish.

What about all the children doing to school with COVID positive families at home? Are they selfish too?

Or is the outrage only reserved for women who dare to go out after work?

girlmom21 · 24/09/2021 10:53

@pelosi the guidance is bullshit. We know that. We know that vulnerable people are being put at risk. The difference here is people need to work and children need an education.

Lots of people would stay home from work and school if they could.

The OP knows she could be willingly carrying the virus and choosing to go out socialising instead.
She specifically mentioned her works policy like that's what was driving her decision when it's really not.