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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wants me to stay home as he has covid

179 replies

ericaandfamily · 24/09/2021 08:53

DH tested positive for covid yesterday after 4 days of symptoms (he self isolated from the day he had symptoms).

I am office based and double jabbed. I have a work event in London today and then I am meant to be seeing friends after (friends I haven't seen in 2 years).

If we are double jabbed, work are not allowing us to work at home - they want everyone in the office.

DH has a temperature and says he aches, has been sleeping on the sofa with a duvet. I am out of the house from 7-7 this week at work so I've been avoiding him (in a nice way) as I get in from work, shower and then have been watching TV in the bedroom as he is sleeping a lot. Apart from handing him paracetamol, making him dinner and drinks of course.

He says I should go to work then stay in tonight, he is 30, healthy, double jabbed. Yes, he is poorly but is able to shower/move about etc.

We don't have any children.

He has now got the complete ump because I still want to go tonight, my friends are aware of his positive covid test, I am wearing a mask in public still and using antibac lots and have done throughout the pandemic. Touch wood, I haven't had it.

Am I unfair for leaving him on his own today? He has bottles of water, I made him breakfast, he has paracetamol and cold patches for his head. I feel like a shit wife for wanting to go out because he said it's selfish and now I don't know what to do!

If he was unable to move/breathless then yes I would absolutely stay in but I have my phone on me, I am not drinking, he's 5 days in with symptoms.

Any thoughts? Fully prepared to be told I'm unfair.

OP posts:
ApplesAreTheBaneOfMyLife · 24/09/2021 11:52

I think you’re being unfair to him and to those you’d cross paths with when out and about.

Quartz2208 · 24/09/2021 11:53

That we agree with @pelosi leaving when she had a miscarriage and asking her too now I think is something that needs addressing in her relationship but is also probably driving her now

Whatwentwronghere · 24/09/2021 11:57

I know you're not breaking the rules but it's because of people like you we're in this situation. Would it really be so hard to stay at home incase you're becoming contagious? Dh aside, it's morally wrong I think. You're putting other people at risk unnecessarily.

Megan2018 · 24/09/2021 11:57

You aren’t required to self isolate but that doesn’t mean you should just carry on as normal.
Common sense says to avoid unnecessary contact with others. Work is fine, but you shouldn’t be socialising regardless of what your husband thinks.

Grumpycatsmum · 24/09/2021 12:03

I wouldn't go myself. And I wouldn't be going to work either

CraftyGin · 24/09/2021 12:04

Whilst he trotted off quite happily on a stag do whilst OP was miscarrying.

"Love does not keep records of wrongs".

MrsLCSofLichfield · 24/09/2021 12:06

@FlorenceWintle - fair enough, her friends know so they can make an informed decision. As others have observed, this does not apply to the bar/waiting staff and other customers the OP may encounter over the course of the evening. PCRs aren't infallible and sometimes infections take a while to show up. COVID is no joke and I wouldn't be surprised if her partner feels really unwell. I dread catching the bloody thing again, even with the hope that it'll be (much?) milder post-vaccination - there are no guarantees.

CyclingIsNotOuting · 24/09/2021 12:08

Go and enjoy.
Just make sure he has access to a dressing gown before you go.

Original poster
ericaandfamily · 24/09/2021 12:11

I don't know how many times I have to repeat that I'm not getting drunk, I'm driving and I'll be home by 11pm latest, DH is sleeping most of the day and night, we have food in, he has money to get a take away. He isn't, thank god, at the point that he needs looking after or to go to hospital.

Saying all that, I am going home after all. There is no need for any nasty comments. I did say I am coming here for advice. I am happy to take it. Calling me selfish when I haven't done it is a bit fair. I gave abided by all rules throughout the whole pandemic.

OP posts:
Changes17 · 24/09/2021 12:14

Question to ask is, if you catch it, will you want him to stay home with you? Presumably he will follow your example...

Also, imagine it was another illness of similar severity (to how it is in him) but not Covid - would you want someone to stay in with you then? eg if you had flu?

DragonDoor · 24/09/2021 12:14

My partner had covid and we both took PCR tests when he first developed symptoms.

His result was positive, mine was negative. I took a second PCR a few days later and low and behold, I tested positive too. I was completely asymptomatic.

Although you can ,it’s really not wise to go out and about socialising while there is covid in your household. That’s even the governments advice.

pelosi · 24/09/2021 12:15

@Changes17

Question to ask is, if you catch it, will you want him to stay home with you? Presumably he will follow your example...

Also, imagine it was another illness of similar severity (to how it is in him) but not Covid - would you want someone to stay in with you then? eg if you had flu?

Question is, have you RTFT?
MrsLCSofLichfield · 24/09/2021 12:18

Sorry you feel berated, OP. AIBU? is a bearpit for sure. I think you're making the right call, hope you stay well.

Blossomtoes · 24/09/2021 12:31

Good call @ericaandfamily. It’s the right decision.

IDontLikeMondays88 · 24/09/2021 12:34

I can’t believe your friends actually want to meet you tonight!

Echobelly · 24/09/2021 12:37

I would minimise going out, certainly to the sorts of things you're describing, if anyone in my household were positive, but I appreciate its harder if your work is expecting you in, though I'm not sure why any office job can't be done from home for 10 days, especially when there's a risk of more people being off sick otherwise.

drpaddington · 24/09/2021 12:40

Does he want you to be at home to take care of him? I know that sounds silly, I know he's a grown man, but I know when I've been really poorly in the past I've been grateful for times when OH has been at home to bring me drinks, painkillers etc. (Although we do have children so it really helps if he can be at home to look after them too.)

takingmytimeonmyride · 24/09/2021 12:46

My youngest tested had symptoms and tested positive. My other kids had birthday parties, work socials and extra curricular clubs they could have gone to. Their LFTs were negative. But we decided to cancel anyway. Just as well as we all came down with it within days, so had we gone to all these things we would have infected so many people.

We didn't have to isolate, but I am so glad we chose to, and glad we had that choice of course, none of us had to go out to work or school (it was right at the end of the summer holidays)

I'd do the same again, I'd be too worried about infecting someone who was vulnerable (for example, my son works with vulnerable kids, if he'd have been due to work he could have passed it on. He missed the social do so didn't pass it on to colleagues who could have passed it on)

Jaxhog · 24/09/2021 12:57

@marykitty

I would stay in. I do understand you need to go to work, but I would avoid any unnecessary contact with other people, plus you will show him you are there for him.
This.

If the situation were reversed, would you want him to go? Be honest!

SVRT19674 · 24/09/2021 13:00

I wouldn´t meet anyone indoors while your DH is self isolating and i would be wearing a mask. Although double jabbed you can still be a carrier.

girlmom21 · 24/09/2021 13:17

@SVRT19674

I wouldn´t meet anyone indoors while your DH is self isolating and i would be wearing a mask. Although double jabbed you can still be a carrier.
To be fair, and I disagree with her going, she's said they're meeting outdoors.
Scarydinosaurs · 24/09/2021 13:22

I think you should be able to go out.

He is unwell, but nothing awful. And if he left you to go on a stag while you miscarried (far more dangerous and emotional) then I can’t see the problem.

Sprostongreen21 · 24/09/2021 13:24

If my partner felt that rubbish and had covid. I wouldn’t go out with friends. It’s not babysitting. I’d want to keep an eye on him.

But then I’d not want to go and socialise with friends knowing I had close contact with a positive case, yes I know we can and it’s the policy but it doesn’t sit right with me still. I know plenty of double vaccinated people who have caught it recently. But that’s me.

COVIDQ · 24/09/2021 13:58

Good call OP.

MargaretThursday · 24/09/2021 14:30

Problem is in those situations it can be one friend saying "of course we're all fine with it, don't worry." And another thinking that they can't be the one to speak up and say they're not happy.
Even people that seem confident and speak their minds in most situations can be reluctant to be seen as the party pooper when they think everyone else thinks differently.

Well done, Op for taking the unselfish decision.

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