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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wants me to stay home as he has covid

179 replies

ericaandfamily · 24/09/2021 08:53

DH tested positive for covid yesterday after 4 days of symptoms (he self isolated from the day he had symptoms).

I am office based and double jabbed. I have a work event in London today and then I am meant to be seeing friends after (friends I haven't seen in 2 years).

If we are double jabbed, work are not allowing us to work at home - they want everyone in the office.

DH has a temperature and says he aches, has been sleeping on the sofa with a duvet. I am out of the house from 7-7 this week at work so I've been avoiding him (in a nice way) as I get in from work, shower and then have been watching TV in the bedroom as he is sleeping a lot. Apart from handing him paracetamol, making him dinner and drinks of course.

He says I should go to work then stay in tonight, he is 30, healthy, double jabbed. Yes, he is poorly but is able to shower/move about etc.

We don't have any children.

He has now got the complete ump because I still want to go tonight, my friends are aware of his positive covid test, I am wearing a mask in public still and using antibac lots and have done throughout the pandemic. Touch wood, I haven't had it.

Am I unfair for leaving him on his own today? He has bottles of water, I made him breakfast, he has paracetamol and cold patches for his head. I feel like a shit wife for wanting to go out because he said it's selfish and now I don't know what to do!

If he was unable to move/breathless then yes I would absolutely stay in but I have my phone on me, I am not drinking, he's 5 days in with symptoms.

Any thoughts? Fully prepared to be told I'm unfair.

OP posts:
pelosi · 24/09/2021 10:55

[quote girlmom21]@pelosi the guidance is bullshit. We know that. We know that vulnerable people are being put at risk. The difference here is people need to work and children need an education.

Lots of people would stay home from work and school if they could.

The OP knows she could be willingly carrying the virus and choosing to go out socialising instead.
She specifically mentioned her works policy like that's what was driving her decision when it's really not. [/quote]
We have to live with this virus for ever. It’s never going away.

The guidance is there for a reason, OP is doing nothing wrong.

girlmom21 · 24/09/2021 10:56

@pelosi in your opinion. Many of us disagree.

Doubledoorsontogarden · 24/09/2021 10:57

My really strong and pragmatic DH needed emotional support when he had covid, if he’s asking you stay in, why wouldn’t you?

If I were your friend, if I knew your DH had covid then I wouldn’t be meeting you tonight

girlmom21 · 24/09/2021 10:57

@pelosi ps. The guidance states that if you're in contact with someone who's Covid positive that you should limit all social interactions.

If you think the guidance is reasonable, she should abide by that.

Doubledoorsontogarden · 24/09/2021 10:59

OP what was the point in posting? You are not going to change your mind

Quartz2208 · 24/09/2021 10:59

Yes I think that is true @pelosi but that doesnt mean we cant exercise caution and limit contact in that time.

DD went to school when DS was isolating but she didnt go round a friends house for a prearranged evening or do some of her one to one lessons. I didnt go in the office (can work from home) but went for walks etc. We limited going shopping etc as well. That is what the guidance says.

pelosi · 24/09/2021 11:01

[quote girlmom21]@pelosi ps. The guidance states that if you're in contact with someone who's Covid positive that you should limit all social interactions.

If you think the guidance is reasonable, she should abide by that. [/quote]
Well seeing friends after 2 years is limiting social interactions, imo.

FlorenceWintle · 24/09/2021 11:04

If all your LFTs and PCRs are negative, then I would still go. You do not have Covid and therefore can’t pass it on to anyone.

What’s the point in having all these tests if we’re not going to rely on the results?

pelosi · 24/09/2021 11:04

@Quartz2208

Yes I think that is true *@pelosi* but that doesnt mean we cant exercise caution and limit contact in that time.

DD went to school when DS was isolating but she didnt go round a friends house for a prearranged evening or do some of her one to one lessons. I didnt go in the office (can work from home) but went for walks etc. We limited going shopping etc as well. That is what the guidance says.

I do get that, but OP is a grown woman who has assessed the risks, taken precautions and ore-warned friends.

There is a lot of guilt tripping here that she should stay in with her husband, b it I think OP sounds sensible and has made the best decision for herself.

girlmom21 · 24/09/2021 11:06

Well seeing friends after 2 years is limiting social interactions, imo.

She's waited two years. She can wait another 2 weeks, IMO.

Moonbabysmum · 24/09/2021 11:06

I think it's the height of selfishness to go to a social occasion when you love with someone with covid.

And yes you are allowed to do it, but that doesn't make it the right thing to do.

If anyone in my household gets Covid, we will be doing full isolation, because we can (we can luckily work from home, and will keep the children home). If your boss wont allow you to WFH, then I guess you have to go to that, but I think the responsible thing to do is to only interact with the minimum number of people, in the minimum if settings until he's out of isolation.

pelosi · 24/09/2021 11:07

@girlmom21

Well seeing friends after 2 years is limiting social interactions, imo.

She's waited two years. She can wait another 2 weeks, IMO.

It’s a work event, they don’t come around often in current times!
BoreiPuriHagafen · 24/09/2021 11:08

It's extremely selfish to go out socially when you don't need while you are living with someone with an active, symptomatic case of covid.

Quartz2208 · 24/09/2021 11:11

But that is the problem @pelosi you cannot inform everyone - she may well have informed the close people but what about the people at the restaurant or how she is travelling.

Dealing with a positive household member is tough and there were times when it would have been so much easier had we all just needed to isolate. But the fact is he is 5 days in with symptoms and she is at a peak time to having got it

And the work event is separate to the the friends. I think the work event is fine - it is what it is and she has no choice. The social event is separate

JustLyra · 24/09/2021 11:11

I wouldn’t go. Not only because of the passing on issues, but he’s asked you not to when you’ve stated he’s usually absolutely fine with you going out (and you him).

That to me says something. If my DH asked me to stay in when he was ill I’d know it was because he was scared of getting more unwell because that’s the only reason he’d ask. Yours sounds similar.

Different if he tried to scupper every social opportunity you had.

middleager · 24/09/2021 11:12

I don't know how I feel about this one...

I have Covid. My DS is in school, as per the Govt guidelines, but no extra curricular clubs for him this week, to minimise risk. He's had Covid, negative PCR, negative LFTs, but it's only the fact he's legally required in school and y11, that we are sending him in.

Sounds like you are waitng on your DH hand and foot though. I may have Covid, but still trying to run busy family household from my bedroom and while DH is good, the idea of cold compresses at the ready sounds like luxury!

Branleuse · 24/09/2021 11:12

Id probably stay in and limit myself to things I couldnt get out of and vital things.

pelosi · 24/09/2021 11:17

@Quartz2208

But that is the problem *@pelosi* you cannot inform everyone - she may well have informed the close people but what about the people at the restaurant or how she is travelling.

Dealing with a positive household member is tough and there were times when it would have been so much easier had we all just needed to isolate. But the fact is he is 5 days in with symptoms and she is at a peak time to having got it

And the work event is separate to the the friends. I think the work event is fine - it is what it is and she has no choice. The social event is separate

I get that, but I operate under the assumption that anyone could have COVID at any time, so I am meticulous about washing hands as soon as I arrive anywhere. I think that’s what everyone now has to do unfortunately, but it shouldn’t limit people like OP, who is excited to see her friends after 2 years. They’ll be able to catch up after the event and talk about the event.
notlongtillxmas · 24/09/2021 11:18

Despite the Govt guidelines , my work do not allow us to attend if a same household member is positive ... that's for a reason
We are in healthcare

Thatsplentyjack · 24/09/2021 11:18

@Howshouldibehave

It sounds like he just doesn’t want you to go out!
Yup
pelosi · 24/09/2021 11:18

@notlongtillxmas

Despite the Govt guidelines , my work do not allow us to attend if a same household member is positive ... that's for a reason We are in healthcare
But different in healthcare.
cathcath2 · 24/09/2021 11:21

I wouldn't go out tonight. Advice is to limit close contacts if possible.

DH wants me to stay home as he has covid
MagnoliaBeige · 24/09/2021 11:23

Just because you can doesn’t mean you should! Yes the guidance allows it but that doesn’t mean you have to follow it to the letter. You’re aware that you’ve been exposed, and are continually being exposed, to the virus via your partner and are choosing not to minimize the likelihood of passing it on to others by altering your plans.

backtolifebacktoreality · 24/09/2021 11:23

I think you're selfish to go. What if there is someone at the event who is vulnerable to Covid. You obviously don't give a shit about possibly having it and passing it on to anyone else ... just as long as you go out!

backtolifebacktoreality · 24/09/2021 11:24

@blissfulllife

You're one of the reasons I'm terrified to go out lately. Your in close contact with someone with Covid but still want to go out unnecessarily. You're double jabbed but you can still pass it on you know. I've no choice but to leave my home but I'm CEV so it feels pretty scary. I'd never want to pass in a potentially deadly virus to anyone and I'd definitely not go out if My dh had Covid. Especially not to bloody socialise

This!

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