DH wants me to stay home as he has covid

[ericaandfamily]

DH tested positive for covid yesterday after 4 days of symptoms (he self isolated from the day he had symptoms).

I am office based and double jabbed. I have a work event in London today and then I am meant to be seeing friends after (friends I haven't seen in 2 years).

If we are double jabbed, work are not allowing us to work at home - they want everyone in the office.

DH has a temperature and says he aches, has been sleeping on the sofa with a duvet. I am out of the house from 7-7 this week at work so I've been avoiding him (in a nice way) as I get in from work, shower and then have been watching TV in the bedroom as he is sleeping a lot. Apart from handing him paracetamol, making him dinner and drinks of course.

He says I should go to work then stay in tonight, he is 30, healthy, double jabbed. Yes, he is poorly but is able to shower/move about etc.

We don't have any children.

He has now got the complete ump because I still want to go tonight, my friends are aware of his positive covid test, I am wearing a mask in public still and using antibac lots and have done throughout the pandemic. Touch wood, I haven't had it.

Am I unfair for leaving him on his own today? He has bottles of water, I made him breakfast, he has paracetamol and cold patches for his head. I feel like a shit wife for wanting to go out because he said it's selfish and now I don't know what to do!

If he was unable to move/breathless then yes I would absolutely stay in but I have my phone on me, I am not drinking, he's 5 days in with symptoms.

Any thoughts? Fully prepared to be told I'm unfair.

No, I would not go out and socialize. I don't think that would be kind to others and definitely not kind to your husband. People are still dying of Covid and it is a very painful illness.

@Iggly

I think people are conflating the fact that the OP has close contact with covid and is still planning to go out socialising - where she could still spread it, despite being double jabbed with the fact her DH wants her to “look after him”.

So for me, it’s a YANBU for wanting to go out but YABU because you’ve been in close contact with someone who has covid. The NHS website says being double jabbed means you don’t have to isolate but it does say to limit the number of people you meet and meet outside where possible….

Exactly this

Just wanted to clear up some questions/statements as I'm now home from the work event.

The work event I have just been to had nearly 1000 people there. I was required to go as it was classed as a normal working day and we are paid for it. Think awards ceremony. Everyone was drinking, hugging, no masks. We do not wear masks in the office, we are on the phone a lot etc, our boss hasn't enforced that. We have temperature checks every time we walk in the office and anti bac everywhere (I know this doesn't mean somebody could still have it and pass it on).

I've been on a train to Waterloo, a few tubes to get there then the same route home. I wear my mask anyway if I am in a supermarket, in any confined space such as a train or tube (I don't do this often as I drive to work which isn't in London) so I actually think this is the first time I have even been on public transport since the pandemic started. I have followed the rules throughout as has my Husband.

Another question that's been asked a lot is regarding our marriage, we have been together for 15 years, married for 7, he is my childhood sweetheart and I adore him and he adores me. He is the light that keeps me going in my life when I need somebody (useless family) and has been my rock throughout a lot of losses, grief and sadness that's hit us over and over again. I love him to bits and he does me too. Just because I gave him the green light to go away on a stag (3 nights) whilst I was miscarrying, doesn't mean he doesn't care about me, the fact he sent a message to the group saying he wouldn't be going as I'd had a miscarriage 2 days before they were flying shows that. Our friends are close knit group and knew I was pregnant. I made him take it back and go. He made sure to ring me 2/3 times a day to check I was okay, I wanted him to go and have a good time in a thoroughly shit situation.

The friends I haven't seen for 2 years and off travelling again so I will not get a chance to see them again for another couple of years.

I got home, he's made himself some dinner judging by the state of the kitchen side 😂 and he was asleep, I woke him briefly to check if he feels any worse and I gave him some tablets/made him a fresh drink and took his temperature again. He's now asleep again.

I don't think he meant to call me selfish earlier, when I gave him the tablets he smiled at me and said "thank you for staying in just in case I get any worse". I'm glad I have stayed in now as he doesn't easily admit things like that, so he had to go with the selfish narrative to not admit he feels like he shouldn't be scared of this (why are some men like this!) if he had of said "please will you stay at home with me tonight, I'm worried I will get worse and I'd like some company" I would have of course cancelled without a second thought.

Anyway, I'm glad to be home. Thankfully he doesn't seem any worse. Hoping he will start improving. He's had a shower and put clean T-shirt and shorts on which is something as he's been laying in a pit on the sofa for a few days.

I was looking for advice here, I wasn't saying I'm going and that's it. I took all of your comments on board (a lot of harsh ones by the way! no need to say you'd "hate me forevermore" or that I'm the reason people feel scared to go out).

I've followed all guidelines, lockdown rules etc but I cannot let fear take over (I have severe anxiety) so although I appreciate some people are vulnerable, scared etc I've been double jabbed, I've done everything that the government has asked (much to my dismay as I thoroughly dislike Boris and think the government have been incompetent leading us through this but that's another story).

I wanted some opinions and I got them although I think people judge people they do not know a little harsh sometimes.

So I'm at home feeling very sad sat by myself in my bedroom watching tv whilst DH snores downstairs on the sofa 😂 but I know I've done the right thing.

@pelosi

What about the waitress/man on the train/customer on the next table who have been shielding for a vulnerable family member for the past 18 months? They don't get to choose?

What about the barman who's been furloughed because he's clinically vulnerable for well over a year and now has no choice but to work because he can't afford not to? He can't choose.

You're being incredibly selfish.

What about all the children doing to school with COVID positive families at home? Are they selfish too?

Or is the outrage only reserved for women who dare to go out after work?

Yes unfortunately many of us are forced into the position of having to send your kids into school when there's a positive case in the house. But I certainly wouldn't allow my child to socialise after school, it would be school then straight home. I would keep him home but I would be fined for that.