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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School keeps taking away my daughter's shoe

517 replies

Dryrobeandnoknickers · 23/09/2021 17:18

This week my Year 7 dd's school is running some baseline tests for them and on Friday we received a message from the school to let us know about these tests and ask that they bring in some headphones.

Neither dd or I own any headphones that would work with the laptop and I completely forgot to borrow some over the weekend.

On Monday during the first test she explained to the invigilator that she didn't have any, but luckily they had spares. She was told that she could borrow them in exchange for one of her shoes so "that she didn't steal them". This happened for several of the tests so she had to sit in the hall for several hours without a shoe and feels like she was being treated like a thief, and that it was humiliating.

She has now borrowed a pair of headphones for the rest of the week from a family member but chatting with some other parents this seems like a commonly used approach at the school.

I asked the school for their side of it and have just received a response saying "in the past we have loaned headphones to students and they have forgotten to return them and this has cost the school a substantial amount of money to replace them. We feel we have taken a light-hearted approach to loaning headphones to students who have forgotten to bring their own into school."

I'm pretty annoyed about how this was handled - my daughter felt it was degrading and that it not pitched in a light-hearted way but she was treated as though she might be a thief.

If I asked a colleague at the school I work at if I could borrow a pair of headphones and they asked me to give them my shoe in exchange I'd feel pretty frustrated about being treated like that too.

AIBU and this just how things work at secondary school and I'm being too precious and naïve about how to manage these things?

I know that its not the biggest of issues in the greater scheme of things but it has really grated on me and I really want to raise it with the school. Surely they'll get more out of the kids by treating them in a respectful way (which their behaviour policy states they should) and if/when there are any issues and they don't treat the school property with respect then they should be given a consequence and the parents should pay to replace them. Why not simply count out the 10 sets of headphones at the start of the test then count them back in at the end?

AIBU to challenge them on how they do this? I'm guessing an email from me isn't likely to change things but really feel I should say my piece.

OP posts:
icedcoffees · 23/09/2021 17:32

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

Shoe seems a bit weird. Would make more sense to pass over a homework diary or something similar if they still have those...
Nobody cares if they lose their homework diary Grin
Chouetted · 23/09/2021 17:33

I think it's normal. They'd probably accept something other than a shoe, if she really objects, but she's not being treated as a thief. Remember that this sort of thing is mostly to prevent people forgetting and walking off with the borrowed item.

PlonkyWillyWonky · 23/09/2021 17:33

Parents don't, won't or can't pay for replacements
Bet you won't forget again though

Porridgealert · 23/09/2021 17:33

@campion

They could have taken her planner which is what a lot of schools do.
What a fantastic idea. Because they'd be devastated to lose their planner! Invoicing parents. Ingenious idea. Parents always just pay up.

Shoe scheme worked. You managed to get headphones and I bet she won't forget next time.

Chloemol · 23/09/2021 17:33

Sorry but I agree with your daughter, it’s degrading and why should a pupil expect to sit through tears, or indeed an6 class without a shoe

Surely the simplest way is for the school to number them, not difficult with a permanent pen, and get the pupil to sign a slip. If they ‘forget’ the school know who has them

I would suggest that, and mention to the school their own policy about treating everyone with respect, because they haven’t

MissKeithsNeice · 23/09/2021 17:34

I voted YANBU - its a silly system. Especially for a year 7 student in first few weeks of secondary.

YABU to suggest that they keep taking your dds shoe.

DeepaBeesKit · 23/09/2021 17:34

if/when there are any issues and they don't treat the school property with respect then they should be given a consequence and the parents should pay to replace them

You are naive if you don't understand the issue is the parents who cannot or simply do not pay up!

Schools have no money. This is a simple way to protect expensive equipment that can be applied to any student on the spur of the moment.

Like a kid cares about sitting in a hall missing a shoe. Walk around a few classrooms and you will notice it's not unusual for kids to push their shoes off under the desk anyway!

Porfre · 23/09/2021 17:34

They could change the shoe for something else, e.g. mobile, or something the student will definitely need back.

But unless they do something like this, they will keep losing headphones. People won't return them. And money supposed to be spent for your daughters education will be spent on replacing headphones.

bridgetreilly · 23/09/2021 17:34

I think that’s kind of brilliant, actually.

SmellyOldOwls · 23/09/2021 17:35

@listsandbudgets

I see the schools point of view but surely it wouuld be better to take phone or school bag.

I wouldn't be too happy on safety grounds either. In the event of a fire for example your daughters foot could get stood on if people are pushing to get out

Only on Mumsnet Grin

Eskarina1 · 23/09/2021 17:36

It's not light hearted if a teenager feels humiliated. Not every family can afford headphones and having been that child whos family cannot afford things others take for granted I shudder at the memory of light hearted teachers.

DeepaBeesKit · 23/09/2021 17:37

If they ‘forget’ the school know who has them

This will not stop them losing headphones that the school ends up paying to replace.
Plenty of parents will simply ignore requests to pay for missing equipment.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 23/09/2021 17:37

It’s actually made my day reading this.

Bloody fabulous idea.

MordredsOrrery · 23/09/2021 17:37

I'd be horrified if I was a kid and the school did this. From a social stigma viewpoint it's highlighting who doesn't have/can't afford headphones in a really unpleasant way.

CiaoForNiao · 23/09/2021 17:37

My DSs school take their door key in return for a school tie if their forget theirs. Supposedly they don't forget to return the tie that way. DS did. He just sat on the doorstep until someone else got home Grin

Pinkdelight3 · 23/09/2021 17:38

Well, you know, if you hadn't 'completely forgotten' to borrow headphones for her before they were needed, which is what you were supposed to do, then she would have been spared this perceived humiliation. But given that you didn't do that, it's not unreasonable of the school to assume your DD might 'completely forget' to return the borrowed headphones if there wasn't something like a missing shoe to remind her.

DeepaBeesKit · 23/09/2021 17:38

It's not light hearted if a teenager feels humiliated.

If we never did anything that made a teenager feel humiliated we could never do any number of normal things. Teenagers feel embarrassed/humiliated/mortified ar the drop of a hat.

RestingPandaFace · 23/09/2021 17:38

I actually think it’s a rather good way of doing it. It’s almost impossible to get a full set of equipment back without extensive chasing and this way the child can’t leave the classroom without noticing.

WhiskeyNeverStartsToTasteNice · 23/09/2021 17:38

If they're all sitting in an assembly hall or classroom, I can't understand why they can't just go round and collect all the headphones in at the end of the test before letting the kids leave the room. It doesn't sound as if it was presented in a very "light hearted" way to your daughter and seems ridiculous to me. Also if I was the teacher I wouldn't particularly want to be handling teens' sweaty, muddy shoes.

DeepaBeesKit · 23/09/2021 17:39

Mordredsorrery

It's not just about who cant afford its about who is disorganised and forgets.

Babynames2 · 23/09/2021 17:39

Haha, this is bonkers. When students don’t have the appropriate equipment in my lessons I just take their planners to ensure things are returned. I may start asking for shoes instead now.

itsgettingwierd · 23/09/2021 17:39

They may think it's lighthearted and it doesn't appear to be harmful.

But actually it concerns me a lot. There will be students who come from poverished households who cannot afford headphones. Or from unsupported parents who wouldn't buy or course them.

They pupils are then punished in effect for their parental circumstances.

If they don't trust students to return them then either sit them in a separate room where they can keep an eye more closely or do the same but in the hall.

Getoutofbed25 · 23/09/2021 17:40

Must admit I don’t like this. It’s humiliating and degrading to students and it’s most likely students from disadvantaged backgrounds who do not have the kit. It doesn’t sit well with me.

senua · 23/09/2021 17:41

I think that it's a great idea!

I also think that you need to work on your attitude to the school. If you expect them to treat you respectfully then you need to treat them respectfully, too. Next time DD has to bring something in then you and she ought to make sure that you actually do it. This wouldn't have come about if you hadn't messed up in the first place.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 23/09/2021 17:41

I couldn't get worked up about this