School keeps taking away my daughter's shoe

[Dryrobeandnoknickers]

This week my Year 7 dd's school is running some baseline tests for them and on Friday we received a message from the school to let us know about these tests and ask that they bring in some headphones.

Neither dd or I own any headphones that would work with the laptop and I completely forgot to borrow some over the weekend.

On Monday during the first test she explained to the invigilator that she didn't have any, but luckily they had spares. She was told that she could borrow them in exchange for one of her shoes so "that she didn't steal them". This happened for several of the tests so she had to sit in the hall for several hours without a shoe and feels like she was being treated like a thief, and that it was humiliating.

She has now borrowed a pair of headphones for the rest of the week from a family member but chatting with some other parents this seems like a commonly used approach at the school.

I asked the school for their side of it and have just received a response saying "in the past we have loaned headphones to students and they have forgotten to return them and this has cost the school a substantial amount of money to replace them. We feel we have taken a light-hearted approach to loaning headphones to students who have forgotten to bring their own into school."

I'm pretty annoyed about how this was handled - my daughter felt it was degrading and that it not pitched in a light-hearted way but she was treated as though she might be a thief.

If I asked a colleague at the school I work at if I could borrow a pair of headphones and they asked me to give them my shoe in exchange I'd feel pretty frustrated about being treated like that too.

AIBU and this just how things work at secondary school and I'm being too precious and naïve about how to manage these things?



I know that its not the biggest of issues in the greater scheme of things but it has really grated on me and I really want to raise it with the school. Surely they'll get more out of the kids by treating them in a respectful way (which their behaviour policy states they should) and if/when there are any issues and they don't treat the school property with respect then they should be given a consequence and the parents should pay to replace them. Why not simply count out the 10 sets of headphones at the start of the test then count them back in at the end?

AIBU to challenge them on how they do this? I'm guessing an email from me isn't likely to change things but really feel I should say my piece.

[DdraigGoch]

How does the school library cope if someone wishes to take out more than two books? What other items of clothing get used as deposits?

Or do they just use the boring, conventional method of swiping a card?

[lazylinguist]

How does the school library cope if someone wishes to take out more than two books? What other items of clothing get used as deposits?

Totally different. Students are supposed to take books out of the library, so you have to have a system that records who's taken which book(s) once they've left the library. Whereas a student borrowing headphones or a calculator is supposed to give them back before leaving the room. Besides, are you suggesting a swipe system in every classroom with umpteen categories of things students might borrow?

[Camblewick]

@DdraigGoch

How does the school library cope if someone wishes to take out more than two books? What other items of clothing get used as deposits?

Or do they just use the boring, conventional method of swiping a card?

I know you're not considering the two situations as comparable, because that would be ridiculous ...

[Balonzette]

It IS funny and light hearted. And has the added bonus of encouraging the (probably few) people who are offended by it to remember to bring in their headphones.

[middleager]

Nope, don't like this policy, seems regressive, though gaining much hilarity on here, strangely.

[HelpNeedCoolUsername8]

@Camblewick

That’s why I think it’s inappropriate and would be ashamed to work in a school where this was the policy.

*@HelpNeedCoolUsername8* well so would I. If that were an actual school policy I would find that utterly ridiculous. However, on the occasions that I've done it, it's been with pupils with whom I have a great relationship and I know them well. Of course it depends on the child, I would think that's fairly obvious. I wouldn't dream of suggesting it with a more sensitive child, nor have I ever insisted or demanded that a child give me their shoe. We all build relationships with our children in different ways, I like to have fun with mine and they also absolutely know there the line is that they shouldn't cross. I imagine you have a different style of teaching than I do and that's fine.

I was referring to the OP’s query about their school where it sounds like a blanket policy of taking shoes has been applied, and at least one child has definitely found it uncomfortable. No idea who you are, wasn’t commenting on your individual teaching style, imagine what you like about my teaching style but I don’t think it’s relevant here 🤷‍♀️

[Camblewick]

@HelpNeedCoolUsername8 Wow, why so tetchy? I wasn't rude to you at all in my post, people tend to contribute to lots of other posts on a forum, it's just conversation.

Such a shame so many people can't just have a reasonable discussion on here now.

[HelpNeedCoolUsername8]

[quote Camblewick]@HelpNeedCoolUsername8 Wow, why so tetchy? I wasn't rude to you at all in my post, people tend to contribute to lots of other posts on a forum, it's just conversation.

Such a shame so many people can't just have a reasonable discussion on here now.[/quote]
Oops sorry, I think we’ve had a little misunderstanding. I thought you were trying to imply that I was obviously not a fun teacher like you are, which seemed a little uncalled for when I was commenting on school policy not individual teaching style. To be fair, I may well have a softer approach as I’m primary not secondary. Also, think my post must have sounded a bit grumpier than I meant it. Didn’t mean to offend you. Maybe we both read into each other’s posts a harsher tone than was intended. Truce?

[lazylinguist]

Nope, don't like this policy, seems regressive.

I'm curious as to what's regressive about it. It's quite a recent thing, I think. I can't imagine really old-school type teachers using it - they would more likely insist you kept your shoes on, neatly laced up and polished to a high shine!

[Camblewick]

Truce?

@HelpNeedCoolUsername8 Of course, it's so hard to read tone sometimes isn't it. 😊💐

[middleager]

@lazylinguist

Nope, don't like this policy, seems regressive.

I'm curious as to what's regressive about it. It's quite a recent thing, I think. I can't imagine really old-school type teachers using it - they would more likely insist you kept your shoes on, neatly laced up and polished to a high shine!

Regressive to single children out like this.

I was humiliated in front of a class in the 1980s. Also totally unnecessary.

[HelpNeedCoolUsername8]

@Camblewick very true 🙂

[EarringsandLipstick]

In response to those who have said I’m a shit mum, I’m not.

You absolutely are not a shit mum, your posts were very balanced & I'm sorry that you had to read nasty comments like that.

Hope your contact with the school goes ok 💐

[Macaronichee]

Maybe wearing one shoe yourself will remind you to borrow or buy some headphones. Great approach from the school. School diaries and phones would soon be forgotten but not shoes. Maybe your daughter was over-emphasising her sense of 'humiliation' to make her mother feel bad for forgetting the headphones?

[ZealAndArdour]

I think it’s being taken rather seriously.

Our organisation exchanges the staff members car keys for whatever piece of equipment they need to borrow during their shift, be it an access card, a telephone headset, a stethoscope, a neonatal SPO2 monitor.

Miraculously, it solved the problem of equipment needing to be constantly replaced because it was going walkabouts, either deliberately or accidental being packed away with the clinicians own belongings.

[ZealAndArdour]

I think it’s being taken rather seriously.

*by you and your daughter.

[Mostlylurkingiam]

It's light-hearted but also you are making a very big deal about headphones, you can pick them up at garages/pound shops super cheap, not like it is highly specialised equipment 😂