School keeps taking away my daughter's shoe

[Dryrobeandnoknickers]

This week my Year 7 dd's school is running some baseline tests for them and on Friday we received a message from the school to let us know about these tests and ask that they bring in some headphones.

Neither dd or I own any headphones that would work with the laptop and I completely forgot to borrow some over the weekend.

On Monday during the first test she explained to the invigilator that she didn't have any, but luckily they had spares. She was told that she could borrow them in exchange for one of her shoes so "that she didn't steal them". This happened for several of the tests so she had to sit in the hall for several hours without a shoe and feels like she was being treated like a thief, and that it was humiliating.

She has now borrowed a pair of headphones for the rest of the week from a family member but chatting with some other parents this seems like a commonly used approach at the school.

I asked the school for their side of it and have just received a response saying "in the past we have loaned headphones to students and they have forgotten to return them and this has cost the school a substantial amount of money to replace them. We feel we have taken a light-hearted approach to loaning headphones to students who have forgotten to bring their own into school."

I'm pretty annoyed about how this was handled - my daughter felt it was degrading and that it not pitched in a light-hearted way but she was treated as though she might be a thief.

If I asked a colleague at the school I work at if I could borrow a pair of headphones and they asked me to give them my shoe in exchange I'd feel pretty frustrated about being treated like that too.

AIBU and this just how things work at secondary school and I'm being too precious and naïve about how to manage these things?



I know that its not the biggest of issues in the greater scheme of things but it has really grated on me and I really want to raise it with the school. Surely they'll get more out of the kids by treating them in a respectful way (which their behaviour policy states they should) and if/when there are any issues and they don't treat the school property with respect then they should be given a consequence and the parents should pay to replace them. Why not simply count out the 10 sets of headphones at the start of the test then count them back in at the end?

AIBU to challenge them on how they do this? I'm guessing an email from me isn't likely to change things but really feel I should say my piece.

[Babynames2]

Oh and if students need to borrow blazers/ties etc from student services if they’ve ‘forgotten’ them, we ask for house keys/mobile phones/cash to be left. You have no idea how much stuff goes missing if the school don’t have some sort of ‘deposit’ to ensure return.

[Soontobe60]

@ArblemarchTFruitbat

"in the past we have loaned headphones to students and they have forgotten to return them and this has cost the school a substantial amount of money to replace them. We feel we have taken a light-hearted approach to loaning headphones to students who have forgotten to bring their own into school.

How about they manage the issue in an adult way rather than taking this silly approach? If they must ask for something, make it a cash deposit.

Yeah, because all students carry a wad of cash in their pencil case!

[Soontobe60]

I think you need to get a grip, OP.

[campion]

17:33Porridgealert

campion

They could have taken her planner which is what a lot of schools do.

What a fantastic idea. Because they'd be devastated to lose their planner!
Invoicing parents. Ingenious idea. Parents always just pay up


Haha! Depends on the school- some are very strict on the lack of a planner in a lesson. And one left behind would have a name on it so go find the owner.

[Porridgealert]

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

Shoe seems a bit weird. Would make more sense to pass over a homework diary or something similar if they still have those...

I think you'll find the homework diary is really for the benefit of the school rather than the child. I can't see many kids being that cut up about losing it. 🙄
Homework diary v shiny new headphones. Hmm, difficult choice. 😂

[Angel2702]

At our school you’d have had an on the spot 45 min detention for not having the correct equipment.

[SoloISland]

@FelicityBeedle

Even if they hand in a diary, they can leave it behind the staff have to spend time chasing them up, and they could have lost the headphones by then. A shoe, you won’t leave the hall without it, it’s a bit funny and you won’t forget next time

Exactly so. Perfect.

[Percie]

@DeepaBeesKit

Mordredsorrery

It's not just about who cant afford its about who is disorganised and forgets.

People are disorganised for lots of reasons. I'm autistic and can get quite forgetful when I'm stressed - do I deserve to have a shoe removed to highlight that to everyone else? Is having a shoe removed going to help me remember or is it going to make me more stressed next time and this more likely to forget or meltdown?

[Wbeezer]

Knowing how dozy teens can be i can this being much more effective than leaving a planner or keys in exchange.

[Hm2020]

I think it’s funny now but probably would not have at your daughters age so I do sympathise maybe just try and down play it to your daughter try and get her to see the funny side and make sure she has headphones next time.

[romdowa]

If she broke the headset then would they keep her shoe until she paid up ? That's crazy

[StripeyBadger]

I think you could have messaged around friends and family to borrow a pair or else bought some in the time it took to write your OP. It’s not the school’s fault you forgot to do so.

[godmum56]

people have suggested taking backpacks or phones but those are expensive items and a responsibility for the school. I think the shoe is a good idea, sorry your DD was upset, but who forgot to borrow one for her?

[Viviennemary]

Good idea from the school.

[Porridgealert]

@Percie
"People are disorganised for lots of reasons. I'm autistic and can get quite forgetful when I'm stressed - do I deserve to have a shoe removed to highlight that to everyone else? Is having a shoe removed going to help me remember or is it going to make me more stressed next time and this more likely to forget or meltdown?"

If they take your shoe, you'll soon find out.

[Frlrlrubert]

I trained in a school with a teacher who did this, it worked really well.

They can forget their planner or their phone, and then you have to chase them, they can't forget they are missing a shoe.

I have to admit I'm probably a soft touch, I've lost about 20 pens and we're not even three weeks in. I might start taking shoes as a deposit.

[moofolk]

It's a shame none of the teachers know how to write or they could take a note of the names of kids they lend headphones to.

[mumsneedwine]

I do this for loan of equipment. You'd think they'd not forget their shoes, but I'm often left with a couple when class has gone.🤪. Otherwise I never get my pen, pencil, ruler, calculator, etc back and I pay for them with my own money.

[Saxineno]

Love this! Going to suggest it to my daughters school!

Don't be so precious OP.

[chesirecat99]

I think it's a brilliant idea!

I imagine most things go missing and get lost from teenage forgetfulness rather than "theft", you can't leave and forget to return things if you only have one shoe.

TBF, I think they should have been told about the system on day 1 and it explained as a fun practical solution to stop students forgetting to return things rather than a punishment. It's not great either that your DD was told it was "to stop her stealing them". Did they actually say that?

[mumsneedwine]

I also take their phones instead. Amazing how they prefer to not forget that calculator a 2nd time.

[Amijustagrump]

As a teacher if its some equipment I lose regularly (scientific calculator I'm looking at you) I will accept a phone, shoe or school bag. Anything else they leave behind! More often than not they chose their shoe

[SionnachRua]

I love this sort of thread, always highlights the people who are wildly out of touch with the realities of schools.

Phones are a bit of a responsibility for the teacher though surely? I wouldn't want to take those myself. Too easy for some bugger to say "oh it didn't have that crack when I handed it in, you broke my screen" and then you're on the hook.

[Percie]

@porridgealert

What a wonderful approach you have to dealing with disability there!

Perhaps we could remove things from people with visual impairments or mobility difficulties, embarrassing them in the process, and see if those disabilities magically go away, too?

[RestingPandaFace]

@moofolk

It's a shame none of the teachers know how to write or they could take a note of the names of kids they lend headphones to.

It’s not the writing a note. It’s chasing them down if they’ve genuinely forgotten, and then chasing the parents who invariably won’t support you in getting them back or pay for a replacement for the ones who just fancied taking them.