to think that being childless will end up being a very lonely choice?

[PernickitySnicket]

I'm 30, very much an introvert and am 99% sure that I don't want children.
I have a handful of very close friends, most of whom I've been friends with since school.
I don't love socialising, so don't meet new people often so I really value the friendships I have.
Recently, we've all reached the age where marriage and babies are on the horizon.
My two closest friends both want children, and that's exciting for them and they will obviously make the best choice for them and their families. I will help them where I can and support them always.

But a squiggly little selfish part of me is really gutted, I've been a Nanny since I was 18 and I've seen how parenthood dramatically changes people, and how people disappear into their children's lives.

AIBU to think that being the only childfree one plus not a confident socialiser means that I'm probably going to end up with even fewer friends than I already have?

Hope I'm not coming across as a prick!

Oh and @Saladovercrispsanyday

I didn’t mix much with other people’s kids before I had my own three which to some extent explains that position.

Now I’m exposed to them all the time it is very much the case. I am by no means the only one.

@DebbieHarrysCheekbones you might not think you're rude. I think you are. I don't expect that to bother you, but I have every right to say so without you trying to silence me.

[quote ilovesooty]@DebbieHarrysCheekbones you might not think you're rude. I think you are. I don't expect that to bother you, but I have every right to say so without you trying to silence me.[/quote]
As I have every right to express my opinion

So perhaps we should leave it at that
I hold zero judgement for a woman who decides she doesn’t want children doesn’t like them can’t stand them.
Women came and do have wonderful lives without children as much as women who have them can have shit empty ones
The OP owes no explanation but if she doesn’t like children and doesn’t want them then I personally feel it would be madness in that situation to have a child. I feel that child is likely to pay the price for that if it turns out to be a mistake. It is a gamble that could have devastating consequences.

If you find it rude to say someone shouldn’t inflict their issues on an unborn baby then fine. But don’t try and tell me how to say that or even articulate it

I’m always a bit puzzled when people say friends with kids will come back when the kids have grown up a bit. What are you meant to do in the meantime?!
OP isn’t being unreasonable. Her hunch is probably right in terms of her friends and she should expect to have to find some new ones at least to some extent to balance things out for her even if she chooses to support her friends with kids (and I use the word support as it will mainly be on their terms out of necessity). Some people become very obsessed when they have children and others less so. Most lose perspective, at least for a while. The parenting mania culture we live in ensures they do for a start. My sister who had kids fairly late always used to say she’d never do or say lots of things if she ever had kids. I wouldn’t call her obsessed and I still love her dearly but she now says and does almost all of the things she said she wouldn’t. And that’s someone who’s tried to be sensitive to others and not let parenthood rule her life.

To those saying there is no purpose in life without kids especially if you’re childless not by choice - that’s massively insulting and plain wrong. And I feel sorry for those who’ve never developed a wider perspective on life.

So OP I don’t think you should ditch your friends if and when they do have children, I also don’t think you should worry as friendships come and go so much and you will develop new ones over the many years hopefully ahead of you. It’s just what happens, whether you have kids or not. Habit children or not also doesn’t define how lonely you’ll be in old age. I wouldn’t want my kids to have to worry about me when older even if I had them.
But you are right to think not all your friendships will survive when some have children and some don’t, and to be prepared.

@DebbieHarrysCheekbones, yes I find the way you express yourself rude and abrasive, as is your language in trying to silence others.

Let's leave it at that.

[quote ilovesooty]@DebbieHarrysCheekbones, yes I find the way you express yourself rude and abrasive, as is your language in trying to silence others.

Let's leave it at that.[/quote]
Well leave me alone then 😊

[quote DebbieHarrysCheekbones]@Saladovercrispsanyday

Why are you baffled?
I always wanted my OWN children regardless of whether I liked others children. per se

That’s what mattered to me
It’s not remotely baffling
Many many parents will tell you they’re not that fussed about other peoples children.[/quote]
But then you say the op shouldn’t have children because she doesn’t like children

So you wanted them irrespective and presumably think you would have provided a loving and fulfilling home to your own children
But A different rule for the op

As I say - I didn’t like children
I adore my own!!

@Saladovercrispsanyday
I always wanted my Own children
I never ever felt 99% certain I didn’t want children as the OP does , just wasn’t fussed on or about other people’s . Still not!

Are you seriously struggling to get that ? Really?

Yep.

I wish I could have a child.

[quote DebbieHarrysCheekbones]@Saladovercrispsanyday
I always wanted my Own children
I never ever felt 99% certain I didn’t want children as the OP does , just wasn’t fussed on or about other people’s . Still not!

Are you seriously struggling to get that ? Really?[/quote]
Ok.

So on the basis of this

You tell the op not to have a child. Not to subject her child to a life like this essentially in one comment you made.

I am a mother. You are a mother.

Do you think that was honestly a good way to add to the debate?

I too am confused how someone can not like children but make it their career choice.

But you have stampeded on to the thread - swearing and judging and name calling.

I imagine you tell your children not to behave in the way you have behaved on this thread

@mustlovegin

I agree it will be lonely in the later years

Well, if anything, Covid has made it very clear that none of us know whether we'll make it to the 'later years'

Why would someone who doesn't enjoy being a mother spend 20 odd years living a life they don't enjoy and making sacrifices when perhaps they will not even make it to 60 (or develop a debilitating illness, etc)?

No I don't think she should ha e children as she clearly doesn't want them ! She posted to ask for opinions if she would be Lonely later on in life which I took to mean elderly and it is of my opinion that yes she will and I have been called nasty for that but that is my opinion

@chocolateorangeinhaler

I understand you OP. I never had children and can't now because of cancer treatment. My family is small so once parents go all I'll have is one sibling and DP. I'm terrified about getting old. I've seen how much families have to do to help older relatives when they end up with health problems or even when they don't but need assistance with house maintenance etc. I won't have anyone if DP goes first. Not close to siblings either. All I do know is that I won't get to that point as I would take matters into my own hands.

Another perspective.... if you don't have children, you may have more savings, and therefore in a better position to pay for care / services

Having a child / children doesn't guarantee that they will live close by and / or step up and help if you need it

@PoshWatchShitShoes

I had DC1 at 36 and loved our life before kids. Never felt broody, it was all DH's idea to have babies 😂

Haven't looked back since. Our DC are amazing and our lives are full and happy.

Honestly, I think we'd still have had an awesome time without kids. Sometimes I imagine how much more money and sleep we'd have??! 😆

We have friends who don't have kids and they're perfectly happy. I don't think people are lonely if they didn't have kids. There's plenty of opportunity for a full and exciting life otherwise

The op was talking about later on in life.

@Saladovercrispsanyday

I told her not to inflict her issues on a child. I think her deeply held views and preferences - which she is absolutely entitled to are highly likely to cause issues which will inevitably impact upon a baby then a child if she has one.

I might be wrong but that’s a selfish gamble which the OP is herself aware of it seems. A child shouldn’t be a gamble.If you don’t want to be a mother more than you do then don’t have children. For everyone’s sake.

[quote DebbieHarrysCheekbones]@Saladovercrispsanyday

I told her not to inflict her issues on a child. I think her deeply held views and preferences - which she is absolutely entitled to are highly likely to cause issues which will inevitably impact upon a baby then a child if she has one.

I might be wrong but that’s a selfish gamble which the OP is herself aware of it seems. A child shouldn’t be a gamble.If you don’t want to be a mother more than you do then don’t have children. For everyone’s sake.[/quote]
Ah I see

And to a huge extent, I agree

You didn’t swear or plough in like a bull in a China shop

And it’s clear that your opinion is one that I think many will agree with

But before this post… you came across as aggressive and that immediately undermines your stance

Thanks for clarifying

Am I the only one who finds it a bit weird, all these people on this parenting forum. For Mums. Of children. Going on about how much they dislike kids?

@PeriChristmas

Am I the only one who finds it a bit weird, all these people on this parenting forum. For Mums. Of children. Going on about how much they dislike kids?

How about reading the thread

Pretty much everyone with children and so…. A parent, who says they don’t like children per se…. Adore their own child.

It’s not forum aimed at lovers of children, is it?!