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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to say it got damaged

269 replies

JAFS · 16/09/2021 13:35

First time poster so please be kind.

So a girl I lived with at uni listed her grandmas sewing table (table with sewing machine inside) on Facebook a few years ago, probably 5 years ago. I’m not sure market place was even a thing she just shared it. We weren’t ever close friends while we loved together she had a boyfriend she spent most of her time with and we didn’t stay in touch after uni. She asked for £25 I think and we met up to exchange. I said I was sorry about her grandma, she explained her grandma hadn’t died but had dementia and was moving into care hence them clearing out her house. I explained my intention to paint the table and she thought that was sounded good and I think I sent her a photo once I had finished.

A couple of years ago she contact me asking for the table back. I explained that I had bought a few pieces of furniture and painted them up the same therefore it was a very key part of my living room currently. I did say that I ever came to sell it that I would let her know.

Since then I have had two children and I have used the machine to make bits for them. It is a very old machine and quite different to use, I once borrowed my mums machine and actually broke it so it’s a familiar machine now and I really like using it when I get chance.

We have moved house and it’s not quite as key a piece of furniture any more and one day when we can afford a new sofa there would not be room for it where it currently is although I like to think I would always find space for it.

She has contacted me again (probably 3 years since the last time she contacted me) asking for it back. I’ve ignored the message, but been messaged again explaining her grandma has now passed away and how sentimental it is to her 🙄. It’s actually sentimental to me now I’ve made gifts for my nephews, niece and daughter using this machine.

My OH says to tell her it was damaged in a house fire to stop the messages. I am a bit tempted to say it got damaged when moving house or to block her as she’s only using Facebook to contact me.

What shall I do? If she sold it to anyone else she wouldn’t be able to keep pestering (I realise it’s not major pestering as it’s not been twice in 5 years - but I know her personality and she’s not going to stop.)

AIBU to not give it back?? WWYD??

OP posts:
EL8888 · 16/09/2021 13:37

She sold it?! No way. It’s like me going off to get my old car back but l sold oh and it doesn’t belong to me

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 16/09/2021 13:41

Just tell her you have no intention of selling it. Don't apologise, you bought it from her fair and square, and while there is no harm in her asking once this is beyond that. If she doesn't stop after that I'd block her

Pompom2367 · 16/09/2021 13:43

Just be honest op just say you are not going to be selling it at any point

WheresYourSnickers · 16/09/2021 13:46

She sold it to you, not loaned it. I'd be tempted to ignore & block her

CuriousaboutSamphire · 16/09/2021 13:46

Keep ignoring, maybe block her so you don't have to see her messages. She sold it. Sad as it is her grandma has died the machine is no longer hers to 'have back'.

DismantledKing · 16/09/2021 13:50

Tell her to piss off.

CheapFoodShits · 16/09/2021 13:51

Don't lie, just tell her the truth. She sold it to you, you paid what she asked and she needs to stop asking for it back. I don't think sentiment has anything to do with it. My guess is she saw one for sale well over the price you paid and she wants it back to sell for more money. Either way, tell her to stop asking.

TinnedPotatoesRock · 16/09/2021 13:51

She sold it to you though, she didn't give or loan it to you. If you're still wanting to get rid of it eventually then she buys it from you, she doesn't get to just claim it back for nothing.

She wasn't too sentimental when she took the £25 for it was she?

MrsRobbieHart · 16/09/2021 13:52

Just block and ignore. It isn’t for sale and you don’t owe her a response.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 16/09/2021 13:56

One message...

Dear uni friend

I hope you are well.

Re the sewing machine I bought from you way back in 200x, its been a much loved key piece of furniture for us for x years, it has further been a source of memories for our family too.

I can't see a time when I would sell it. If I did, I would of course let you know via FB

Eralos · 16/09/2021 13:57

This is so strange! Is she offering you your money back or just expects it back? It’s yours, you don’t have to respond at all.

BlackShadowCat · 16/09/2021 13:58

I think I'd just make an excuse like it got broken and you threw it away.

Just make sure you don't upload any photos of it to Facebook by mistake.

HollowTalk · 16/09/2021 13:59

Just say, "Sorry to hear about your grandmother. About the sewing machine - you were selling it and I bought it. I use it a lot now, so I'm keeping it. If I ever do decide to sell it on, I'll let you know."

TalesOfDrunkennessAndCruelty · 16/09/2021 14:03

I'd be frank - send a message saying you treasure the machine, often use it but will let her know if you ever plan to replace it - and then block.

lynntheyresexpeople · 16/09/2021 14:04

@IamtheDevilsAvocado

One message...

Dear uni friend

I hope you are well.

Re the sewing machine I bought from you way back in 200x, its been a much loved key piece of furniture for us for x years, it has further been a source of memories for our family too.

I can't see a time when I would sell it. If I did, I would of course let you know via FB

This. You don't need to lie, you are well within your right to keep it. It's yours. It personally to me sounds like she's realised it's of value and wants more money for it.
WellLarDeDar · 16/09/2021 14:06

She sold it to you, it's yours. Tell her you have no intention of selling it and if she carries on then block her.

Thethreecs · 16/09/2021 14:07

Sometimes it's easier to write in words then if you were speaking to her. So what I would do is say " Hi, hope you're keeping well, I'm sorry to hear about your grandma. If you remember you sold this piece to me, i paid money for it making me the owner, I did say I would contact you if I were ever to sell it and now that it has been 5 years it's part of my family, I use it often and I have no intentions of selling it. I am sure that you have received something more memorable for both of you from your grandma's estate please don't contact me again'. Then block

Babycarrottt · 16/09/2021 14:07

If it was valuable, any value would most likely have been removed when it was painted. If the OP wants to check the value (I'm guessing it's a Singer), the OP can find the serial number and check it on Google. Most Singers are worth about £20/35 slightly more if the table is original and hasn't been painted.

Flowers500 · 16/09/2021 14:11

I'd send a nice message saying that you're sorry about her grandma. You use the machine regularly and it is an important item to you now, however you know she also values it so if you ever consider letting it go you will let her know straight away.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 16/09/2021 14:11

Yep. Even the better, or much older, ones barely top £100, in all original condition.

They were made in the squillions so have little residual value, even after 100+years.

ThorsLeftNut · 16/09/2021 14:11

I would say I’m sorry but I’m not selling it.
If it was sentimental then she shouldn’t have parted with it as it’s now become part of your family.
Id probably even say that too.

ChurchWCat · 16/09/2021 14:12

She was selling it, you bought it.

Tell her to sod off and block her.

QueenBee52 · 16/09/2021 14:22

@ChurchWCat

She was selling it, you bought it.

Tell her to sod off and block her.

darn tooting

ChristmasCocktail · 16/09/2021 14:23

She sold it to you. It can't be that sentimental. Hmm
Just block her. She's clearly a CF.

Mymapuddlington · 16/09/2021 14:25

‘I’m really sorry for your loss, I am not willing to sell my sewing machine with table and have no plans to in the future. All the best’