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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to say it got damaged

269 replies

JAFS · 16/09/2021 13:35

First time poster so please be kind.

So a girl I lived with at uni listed her grandmas sewing table (table with sewing machine inside) on Facebook a few years ago, probably 5 years ago. I’m not sure market place was even a thing she just shared it. We weren’t ever close friends while we loved together she had a boyfriend she spent most of her time with and we didn’t stay in touch after uni. She asked for £25 I think and we met up to exchange. I said I was sorry about her grandma, she explained her grandma hadn’t died but had dementia and was moving into care hence them clearing out her house. I explained my intention to paint the table and she thought that was sounded good and I think I sent her a photo once I had finished.

A couple of years ago she contact me asking for the table back. I explained that I had bought a few pieces of furniture and painted them up the same therefore it was a very key part of my living room currently. I did say that I ever came to sell it that I would let her know.

Since then I have had two children and I have used the machine to make bits for them. It is a very old machine and quite different to use, I once borrowed my mums machine and actually broke it so it’s a familiar machine now and I really like using it when I get chance.

We have moved house and it’s not quite as key a piece of furniture any more and one day when we can afford a new sofa there would not be room for it where it currently is although I like to think I would always find space for it.

She has contacted me again (probably 3 years since the last time she contacted me) asking for it back. I’ve ignored the message, but been messaged again explaining her grandma has now passed away and how sentimental it is to her 🙄. It’s actually sentimental to me now I’ve made gifts for my nephews, niece and daughter using this machine.

My OH says to tell her it was damaged in a house fire to stop the messages. I am a bit tempted to say it got damaged when moving house or to block her as she’s only using Facebook to contact me.

What shall I do? If she sold it to anyone else she wouldn’t be able to keep pestering (I realise it’s not major pestering as it’s not been twice in 5 years - but I know her personality and she’s not going to stop.)

AIBU to not give it back?? WWYD??

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 16/09/2021 14:28

Bollocks to her deciding it has sentimental value, much more likely it wasn’t hers to sell and she has someone telling her they want it back or she has heard it’s much more valuable than she thought.

Either way the item is now your property. Don’t lie simply say it’s very much part of your life and not for sale.

pigsDOfly · 16/09/2021 14:35

You really don't owe her a long explanation as to why you're not letting her have it back and you don't have to make up stories about it being damaged.

Just tell her it isn't for sale and then block her.

Yes, as pp said it probably wasn't hers to sell in the first place but that's her problem.

MagnoliaBeige · 16/09/2021 14:37

“I’m sorry to hear about your a grandma but I’m afraid the sewing table isn’t for sale. I still use it often to make items for my family and friends and it now holds much sentimental value to me too”.

Derbee · 16/09/2021 14:44

I wouldn’t even engage with her. Just ignore, and block.

pigsDOfly · 16/09/2021 14:45

I just googled antique singer sewing machines, out of interest because my DD has one with a table as well.

They can be worth a couple of hundred pound or more if they're very old and in good condition, so it's possible she's thinking she'll make a bit of money on it if she can get it back from you.

Either way, it's yours now and you want to keep it so she can't have it back and you've painted it so it isn't in it's original state.

QueenBee52 · 16/09/2021 14:48

@pigsDOfly

I just googled antique singer sewing machines, out of interest because my DD has one with a table as well.

They can be worth a couple of hundred pound or more if they're very old and in good condition, so it's possible she's thinking she'll make a bit of money on it if she can get it back from you.

Either way, it's yours now and you want to keep it so she can't have it back and you've painted it so it isn't in it's original state.

I thought this might be the reason too

AngusThermopyle · 16/09/2021 14:50

I'd be wondering if she now thought it was worth more money than £25 seeing as she's rather persistent.

RosyPoesy · 16/09/2021 14:52

She’ll pester you forever unless you tell her you no longer have it. Say it got damaged in a fire or dropped and smashed when you moved house, and it went to the tip because it was ruined. A white lie hurts nobody and makes your life easier. Then block her.

Soubriquet · 16/09/2021 14:53

She sold it. She has no right to ask for it back

ShuddaBeenMe · 16/09/2021 14:54

I would say oh sorry it got damaged and I don't have it anymore.

Otherwise she's never going to stop bothering you.

funnelfanjo · 16/09/2021 14:56

Block and ignore.

There are very few antique sewing machines that are genuinely worth more than £50 - don’t be fooled by the adverts but look at the prices paid. Unless you’ve got a Singer Featherweight 222k which are going for bonkers money at the moment.

I’ve got a couple of old cast iron Singers. They are fantastic reliable straight stitch machines, perfect for beginners and can cope with virtually any fabric. The one thing they are not is rare or expensive, which in one way is a shame considering the role they played in women’s emancipation in the late C19 and early C20 - they really ought to be valued more, even if not monetarily.

gamerchick · 16/09/2021 14:57

I think I'd just tell her it went to the tip. She'll not stop hounding otherwise.

BlackberryMuncher · 16/09/2021 14:58

You're not being unreasonable, but I think you're being a bit unkind. Her Grandma has died & she wants something that she has sentimental ties to...perhaps she remembers her Grandma showing her how to use it or making clothes for her. Yes, she sold it, but she was young, less sentimental & probably family pressure to sell things, raise money, not have loads in storage...

I wish I had been in a position to keep more of my Dads things when he died (& definitely my Nanas) but if someone I knew had something sentimental I'd probably try to buy it back too & things I've bought second hand I'd be happy to give back to family attached to them.

Yes, you've made clothes/gifts using ut, but it's not the same thing.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 16/09/2021 15:02

@pigsDOfly

I just googled antique singer sewing machines, out of interest because my DD has one with a table as well.

They can be worth a couple of hundred pound or more if they're very old and in good condition, so it's possible she's thinking she'll make a bit of money on it if she can get it back from you.

Either way, it's yours now and you want to keep it so she can't have it back and you've painted it so it isn't in it's original state.

. I'm not sure they routinely sell for that much, though I have seen them on sale for that and more.

I must go on and have another eBay look at the recently sold lists. Update myself... mainly because I have a couple that could go off to the magic shop and be cleaned and maintained before being put up for sale.

noprofessional · 16/09/2021 15:09

You're not being unkind. Ignore that inane remarks from a pp.
She sold it. You are the owner. You're not obliged to return it in order to "be kind".

Tabitha005 · 16/09/2021 15:16

I can't help but feel she might be hard up and wants to sell it on and that's why she wants it back - and it's fuck all to do with 'sentiment'!

Either way, she sounds a bit mental to be messaging you asking for it back as though she only loaned it to you in the first place (which she obviously didn't), and repeated messages would have me blocking and ignoring any other contact she manages to make via any other medium, too.

simitra · 16/09/2021 15:18

I deal in antiques and these old sewing machines are very plentiful and mostly of little value. So its unlikely the original owner could sell it for more money. Therefore probable that it does represent genuine sentimental value to her. However it also represents sentimaental value to OP who has become the legal owner of it. I would message back briefly on these lines and to the effect that if she ever does decide to sell it the original owner can have first refusal. No need to tell a story as it will one day catch you out. Then block the messages.

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/09/2021 15:22

Lying to escape normal assertive conversations is a terrible idea. Just have a normal conversation. Send the very good text PP posted.

I wonder if your DH tells you little lies to get around difficult conversations!

Moraxella · 16/09/2021 15:26

absolutely @BlackberryMuncher

I don't think you should give it back necessarily, but I have thrown out stuff when younger that I didn't think twice about and now would love back because my parent has since died. I don't think she is unreasonable to ask (how many times on here do people egg the OP on to put a letter through a door asking to buy a house, saying "don't ask don't get" - that is way more CF).

It's a bit cynical saying she thinks it's worth something so wants it back - she too is capable of googling that they are, indeed, not that valuable.

I think sometimes you need to give people the benefit of the doubt. She has asked twice in a few years so it is clearly playing on her mind. But yes, you own it so fair enough.

TopBlogger · 16/09/2021 15:27

Name your price. If she buys it - win. If she doesn't and buggers off - win

HotToddyColdSauvignon · 16/09/2021 15:28

Why on earth are you still friends with her on fb? Send the excellent message above that @IamtheDevilsAvocado wrote and then block her

honeylulu · 16/09/2021 15:29

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TinnedPotatoesRock · 16/09/2021 15:35

@BlackberryMuncher

You're not being unreasonable, but I think you're being a bit unkind. Her Grandma has died & she wants something that she has sentimental ties to...perhaps she remembers her Grandma showing her how to use it or making clothes for her. Yes, she sold it, but she was young, less sentimental & probably family pressure to sell things, raise money, not have loads in storage...

I wish I had been in a position to keep more of my Dads things when he died (& definitely my Nanas) but if someone I knew had something sentimental I'd probably try to buy it back too & things I've bought second hand I'd be happy to give back to family attached to them.

Yes, you've made clothes/gifts using ut, but it's not the same thing.

All very well and good but that isn't the OP's problem. The friend listed the item on FB so anyone could have bought it, I'm sure she wouldn't be asking for it back from a stranger would she?
ChargingBuck · 16/09/2021 15:35

My OH says to tell her it was damaged in a house fire to stop the messages.
For Dog's sake, how spineless. You have no need to lie - you have done nothing wrong, & it is your own property to keep or dispose of as you wish.

What shall I do? If she sold it to anyone else she wouldn’t be able to keep pestering (I realise it’s not major pestering as it’s not been twice in 5 years - but I know her personality and she’s not going to stop.)
Tell her that she sold it to you 5 years ago, it is your property, & you do not want to resell it.

Then block her.
Job done.
No need for lies, not need for agonising, no need to deal with her ever again.

Seasonschange · 16/09/2021 15:36

Honestly for £25 I’d give it back. She’s upset her grandma has died and it would give her some comfort. You don’t have to but it might really help her cope.