Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say it got damaged

269 replies

JAFS · 16/09/2021 13:35

First time poster so please be kind.

So a girl I lived with at uni listed her grandmas sewing table (table with sewing machine inside) on Facebook a few years ago, probably 5 years ago. I’m not sure market place was even a thing she just shared it. We weren’t ever close friends while we loved together she had a boyfriend she spent most of her time with and we didn’t stay in touch after uni. She asked for £25 I think and we met up to exchange. I said I was sorry about her grandma, she explained her grandma hadn’t died but had dementia and was moving into care hence them clearing out her house. I explained my intention to paint the table and she thought that was sounded good and I think I sent her a photo once I had finished.

A couple of years ago she contact me asking for the table back. I explained that I had bought a few pieces of furniture and painted them up the same therefore it was a very key part of my living room currently. I did say that I ever came to sell it that I would let her know.

Since then I have had two children and I have used the machine to make bits for them. It is a very old machine and quite different to use, I once borrowed my mums machine and actually broke it so it’s a familiar machine now and I really like using it when I get chance.

We have moved house and it’s not quite as key a piece of furniture any more and one day when we can afford a new sofa there would not be room for it where it currently is although I like to think I would always find space for it.

She has contacted me again (probably 3 years since the last time she contacted me) asking for it back. I’ve ignored the message, but been messaged again explaining her grandma has now passed away and how sentimental it is to her 🙄. It’s actually sentimental to me now I’ve made gifts for my nephews, niece and daughter using this machine.

My OH says to tell her it was damaged in a house fire to stop the messages. I am a bit tempted to say it got damaged when moving house or to block her as she’s only using Facebook to contact me.

What shall I do? If she sold it to anyone else she wouldn’t be able to keep pestering (I realise it’s not major pestering as it’s not been twice in 5 years - but I know her personality and she’s not going to stop.)

AIBU to not give it back?? WWYD??

OP posts:
ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 16/09/2021 15:37

I agree with the poster who said name your price lol.

See how sentimental she is about it then.

ChargingBuck · 16/09/2021 15:40

@ShuddaBeenMe

I would say oh sorry it got damaged and I don't have it anymore.

Otherwise she's never going to stop bothering you.

I genuinely don't understand how so many PP are more comfortable with inventing lies than simply saying "no".

The woman can't "bother" OP once she's been said "no" to & blocked.

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/09/2021 15:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. We've removed this as it quotes a previously deleted post.

VeganVeal · 16/09/2021 15:44

Just tell you sold it 3 days later for £350

Marcee · 16/09/2021 15:44

I think you need to make it clear how the table is now not for sale, otherwise she will keep troubling you.

TinnedPotatoesRock · 16/09/2021 15:45

@VeganVeal

Just tell you sold it 3 days later for £350
She'd probably ask for the £350!
mumsiedarlingrevolta · 16/09/2021 15:45

Hope she isn't on Mumsnet.

FWW I think @IamtheDevilsAvocado message perfect.

Then I agree I think you need to block and forget it.

1forAll74 · 16/09/2021 15:46

She needs a reality check about the item, you bought it, and that's that, so no use getting bothered about this. If you ever see her again, it's best to be honest about this.

whycantwegoonasthree · 16/09/2021 15:47

@honeylulu

Just say no, I won't be selling it.

I think this is knowns as an "Indian gift" i.e. the giver reserves the right to request it back. Except she SOLD it to you.

My MIL was like that. She would sometimes give us pieces of furniture she no longer had room for (because she bought new stuff all the time) but if she came round and saw it in use and that we were enjoying it she would decide she wanted it back. I started refusing to accept anything else from her and she got the hump about that too. So annoying! The irony is that she is dead now and we have lots of her nicest furniture.

It's not known as that any more honeylulu, because it's one of many phrases now recognised as appallingly racist.

I mean, really, have a think.

Nowadays this person is just known as a cheeky fucker. If that helps.

Notaroadrunner · 16/09/2021 15:48

@BlackberryMuncher

You're not being unreasonable, but I think you're being a bit unkind. Her Grandma has died & she wants something that she has sentimental ties to...perhaps she remembers her Grandma showing her how to use it or making clothes for her. Yes, she sold it, but she was young, less sentimental & probably family pressure to sell things, raise money, not have loads in storage...

I wish I had been in a position to keep more of my Dads things when he died (& definitely my Nanas) but if someone I knew had something sentimental I'd probably try to buy it back too & things I've bought second hand I'd be happy to give back to family attached to them.

Yes, you've made clothes/gifts using ut, but it's not the same thing.

She wasn't thinking about her grandma when she sold of her belongings as soon as the poor woman had moved into a nursing home. So she doesn't get to come back a few years later claiming she wants it for sentimental reasons.

@JAFS if it were me I'd ignore the message and go as far as blocking her. Unless she lives near you, you'll hardly see her around. And given you've moved house she's unlikely to know where you live. Even if she did call to the door I'd tell her to jog on. I'd say she's either been caught out having sold it without her parents/their siblings permission, or she's realised it's worth more than the money you paid. Either way not your problem.

AryaStarkWolf · 16/09/2021 15:48

Just block her

BoredZelda · 16/09/2021 15:51

It's not known as that any more honeylulu, because it's one of many phrases now recognised as appallingly racist.

I had never heard the term, and neither would I have know that it was racist. Learn something new every day!

CuriousaboutSamphire · 16/09/2021 15:52

I was just coming to say that MrsTP.

Anyone who has any idea of what that phrase actually refers to would never use it again.

It's all sorts of historical wrong... no need to perpetuate it.

Antinerak · 16/09/2021 15:54

Say you're very attached to it and will contact her if you feel ready to get rid of it. If she persists explain you're not selling it and block her. It's very weird she's asking for it back after so long

Staryflight445 · 16/09/2021 15:54

I’d just say you’re really sorry about her loss but if the item was that sentimental she shouldn’t have sold it to you.
You bought it from her and it’s now yours and you have absolutely no intention of selling it, it is used and well loved and you’ve created your own memories with it now.

Absolutely don’t tell her you’ll think of her if you ever want to sell it.

CrumbsThatsQuick · 16/09/2021 15:55

Massively against the grain here.

I would give it back to her. Yes, I know legally its yours. But I would feel bad keeping something obviously so important to her (based on number of times and length of time she's been asking). It would taint the piece for me.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 16/09/2021 15:57

Well, 2 things
Firstly. It may be that no one had the space for it at the time it was sold.
Secondly, second hand sewing machines/tables are not rare or valuable. Look up the cost of one, factor in your labour and cost to tart it up with paint and get it serviced. Then if you are nice give her the option.

WomanStanleyWoman · 16/09/2021 15:57

Don’t bother with lies about house fires, damage during removals etc., or justification about how it’s of sentimental value to you too now. Just calmly say you are not interested in selling. No point in making it into more of a drama. In any case, now you’ve customised it, it won’t have the same sentimental value for her that it would have done in original condition.

babyyy1926 · 16/09/2021 15:59

I would just say sorry to hear about her grandma but its not for sale and leave it at that

WomanStanleyWoman · 16/09/2021 16:00

@MrsTerryPratchett

I think this is knowns as an "Indian gift" i.e. the giver reserves the right to request it back. Except she SOLD it to you.

I know in the UK people aren't aware about First Nations and other Indigenous people but this is VERY racist. Please don't use this expression.

There are 63 million of us in the UK. A blanket ‘people in the UK don’t know about XYZ’ is somewhat offensive too.
hermioneweasley48 · 16/09/2021 16:01

@CrumbsThatsQuick if it were that important why did she sell it in the first place?

unlikelytobe · 16/09/2021 16:06

I know in the UK people aren't aware about First Nations and other Indigenous people

Well, I am!

Never heard that term before but instantly baulked at it.

LemonTT · 16/09/2021 16:08

@ChurchWCat

She was selling it, you bought it.

Tell her to sod off and block her.

Well that presumes the friend had a right to sell it. The machine didn’t belong to her at the time.
pigsDOfly · 16/09/2021 16:08

@CrumbsThatsQuick

Massively against the grain here.

I would give it back to her. Yes, I know legally its yours. But I would feel bad keeping something obviously so important to her (based on number of times and length of time she's been asking). It would taint the piece for me.

The OP has painted it so it doesn't even look like the original piece.

It wasn't so, obviously, important to her when she sold it for £25 several years ago, as soon as her grandmother was out of the way in a care home.

Now the grandmother has died it's likely someone is asking where all the thing that grandmother owned have disappeared to.

Of course the OP shouldn't give it back to her.

ViaRia · 16/09/2021 16:13

No need to lie, just tell her that it is not for sale and that it belongs to you now.

She chose to sell it. Perhaps she regrets that now but that doesn’t mean that you owe her anything. If she had wanted somewhere to store her grandmothers items, she should have rented a storage locker.