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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say it got damaged

269 replies

JAFS · 16/09/2021 13:35

First time poster so please be kind.

So a girl I lived with at uni listed her grandmas sewing table (table with sewing machine inside) on Facebook a few years ago, probably 5 years ago. I’m not sure market place was even a thing she just shared it. We weren’t ever close friends while we loved together she had a boyfriend she spent most of her time with and we didn’t stay in touch after uni. She asked for £25 I think and we met up to exchange. I said I was sorry about her grandma, she explained her grandma hadn’t died but had dementia and was moving into care hence them clearing out her house. I explained my intention to paint the table and she thought that was sounded good and I think I sent her a photo once I had finished.

A couple of years ago she contact me asking for the table back. I explained that I had bought a few pieces of furniture and painted them up the same therefore it was a very key part of my living room currently. I did say that I ever came to sell it that I would let her know.

Since then I have had two children and I have used the machine to make bits for them. It is a very old machine and quite different to use, I once borrowed my mums machine and actually broke it so it’s a familiar machine now and I really like using it when I get chance.

We have moved house and it’s not quite as key a piece of furniture any more and one day when we can afford a new sofa there would not be room for it where it currently is although I like to think I would always find space for it.

She has contacted me again (probably 3 years since the last time she contacted me) asking for it back. I’ve ignored the message, but been messaged again explaining her grandma has now passed away and how sentimental it is to her 🙄. It’s actually sentimental to me now I’ve made gifts for my nephews, niece and daughter using this machine.

My OH says to tell her it was damaged in a house fire to stop the messages. I am a bit tempted to say it got damaged when moving house or to block her as she’s only using Facebook to contact me.

What shall I do? If she sold it to anyone else she wouldn’t be able to keep pestering (I realise it’s not major pestering as it’s not been twice in 5 years - but I know her personality and she’s not going to stop.)

AIBU to not give it back?? WWYD??

OP posts:
IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 16/09/2021 16:15

Just reply no thank you, I'm not planning on selling it

AryaStarkWolf · 16/09/2021 16:15

Now the grandmother has died it's likely someone is asking where all the thing that grandmother owned have disappeared to.

Either that or she's discovered it's actually worth money or something as an antique

User147893 · 16/09/2021 16:16

The item that you bought and became your possession and no longer hers definitely got dropped in the house move, too damaged to repair and had to be taken to the tip.

(If she didn't have the right to sell it, that is her problem to resolve)

User147893 · 16/09/2021 16:18

Or just block her. Any communication will probably just encourage her.

And those old singer black painted hand-activated sewing machines that look so antique are pretty worthless these days, not worth much, in case you feel bad having only paid £25 - that was probably paying too much 5 years ago.

honeylulu · 16/09/2021 16:19

I apologise to everyone on the thread for the term I used (I won't repeat it). It was one I heard a lot in my childhood and had no idea it was racist or its origins but I really should have engaged my brain and checked before typing it.

I won't be using it again, ever, and I repeat that I am sorry (and not a racist).

fairgame84 · 16/09/2021 16:22

How can it be of sentimental value when it's been painted and presumably doesn't look the same as when it was her grandma's?

Beautiful3 · 16/09/2021 16:23

She sold it to you. She obviously discovered how expensive they are, and wants to sell it on. I would message her, " I'm sorry to hear about your grandma. I'm sorry but I'm not selling the sewing machine, I use it alot." If she continues to message you, I'd block her.

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 16/09/2021 16:26

I must admit I feel sorry for your the woman and would offer it back to her for what you paid for it. I can understand her regret at selling it after her DGM died, when you are young you don't always think that you might regret getting rid of your grandparents' belongings and maybe there was pressure to empty her DGM's house ASAP and she or her family didn't have the room to store things that they would have liked to keep. If she has asked again it's obviously because she really would like it back and I would feel like I wanted her to have it as it means so much to her.

The thing is Op, you can pick up these old sewing machines very easily and as you think you won't have room for the table in the future, you could just buy the machine on it's own which will take up much less room.

onelittlefrog · 16/09/2021 16:26

@ChargingBuck

My OH says to tell her it was damaged in a house fire to stop the messages. For Dog's sake, how spineless. You have no need to lie - you have done nothing wrong, & it is your own property to keep or dispose of as you wish.

What shall I do? If she sold it to anyone else she wouldn’t be able to keep pestering (I realise it’s not major pestering as it’s not been twice in 5 years - but I know her personality and she’s not going to stop.)
Tell her that she sold it to you 5 years ago, it is your property, & you do not want to resell it.

Then block her.
Job done.
No need for lies, not need for agonising, no need to deal with her ever again.

This.

Although I don't think you need to block her (unless she gets very annoyed and keeps messaging you).

She doesn't have any entitlement to it so this is very simple. You just explain that you bought it, the arrangement was not a long-term loan until she wants it back.

It is very sad about her grandma and you can definitely sympathise with that but just explain that it's yours and you're not selling it.

shouldistop · 16/09/2021 16:30

Just block her on Facebook.

Do you think she thinks it's worth more than she sold it for?

Member984815 · 16/09/2021 16:30

Block her , she sold it , you paid for it . If she cared so much about it she would never have sold it in the first place . Don't make up stories to appease her just go ahead and block her

strawberrydonuts · 16/09/2021 16:33

Why would you lie?

Just tell her it's not for sale.

It's not going to make her any happier to be told her beloved grandma's sewing machine got "damaged in a fire". It's just cowardly really.

ManifestDestinee · 16/09/2021 16:35

Don't send her any guff about how much it means to you, as suggested, and don't lie and say it was damaged. Simply say: you sold it to me, now it's mine, end of story.
Why is this being made any more complicated than that?

NiceWelshLady · 16/09/2021 16:38

You are being far too kind to this person. If it meant so much to her she wouldn't have sold it to you.

In my opinion you have two options:

  1. Ignore and block her, or
  2. Tell her that the table is your property and it is not for sale. Then block her.

Do not attempt to explain or justify your decision, because doing so will encourage her to engage in further discussion or to attempt to change your mind.

Gonnagetgoing · 16/09/2021 16:41

She sold it, you bought it. Agreed with others it's not that sentimental if she did sell it. Tell her to stop bothering you and block her. Silly mare.

Walkingalot · 16/09/2021 16:42

It wasn't sentimental when she had to go into a home. My bet is that she's been reminiscing with family and someone's told her that that item is worth hundreds now. I've done a brief google and indeed they can be very valuable. You purchased it in good faith and it's now part of your family history. I'd ignore her.

Gonnagetgoing · 16/09/2021 16:43

oh and yes, say it's not for sale and don't get drawn into stories about the item etc.

Why on earth does she want this particular item after all this time? It's not like it's a Faberge cigarette case worth many thousands.

BlackberryMuncher · 16/09/2021 16:47

@noprofessional

You're not being unkind. Ignore that inane remarks from a pp. She sold it. You are the owner. You're not obliged to return it in order to "be kind".
@noprofessional

It's not inane - how rude!

You may not agree, that's fine, but there's absolutely no need to be so bloody rude!

MLMbotsno · 16/09/2021 16:48

How much money did she offer you for it? I'm assuming she expects to pay for it @JAFS not a free return?

Very odd

BlackberryMuncher · 16/09/2021 16:50

@TinnedPotatoesRock

All very well and good but that isn't the OP's problem. The friend listed the item on FB so anyone could have bought it, I'm sure she wouldn't be asking for it back from a stranger would she?

Who knows? If she still had their contact details, she may have.

It's irrelevant anyway as she didn't, she sold it to the OP, whose details she does have & once considered a friend.

Esmereldapawpatrol · 16/09/2021 16:54

You paid for it, it's yours! Tell her you are sorry but it now has sentimental value for you (as you have described), or just ignore her. Like pp said, she sold it so can't have been that sentimental, I wonder if she thinks it is worth a bit of money and that's why she wants it back?

frazzledasarock · 16/09/2021 16:54

How odd, has she been told it’s worth thousands and wants it back to re-sell?

Did her grandma leave diamonds hidden in the machine table?

Is she wanting to return your money to you and is she offering you storage fees for the time you’ve had it?

What a strange woman.

Confusedandshaken · 16/09/2021 16:55

By a strange coincidence I have recently sold my mums sewing machine in a similar way (mentioned it in a local WhatsApp group) to a casual friend for a similar reason (mum was moving to sheltered housing) for the exact same amount. It was worth considerably more than that but we needed to clear the old house and Mum was happy it was going to someone who would make good use of it. There is no way I would ever ask for it back. It belongs to the friend now and she can do what the hell she wants with it.

Your friend is a CF. Text her and tell her you still use and want the machine and will do for the foreseeable future. In the unlikely event you ever want to sell it you will bear in mind that she wants first refusal.

RantyAunty · 16/09/2021 16:57

Look carefully in the machine to make sure it doesn't contain hidden treasure worth millions.

Branleuse · 16/09/2021 16:59

id reply "i think there seems to be some confusion, as you actually sold the machine to me. You didnt lend it, I bought it, so this messaging asking for it back is kind of awkward. I use it loads and I love it. If it was that sentimental, then you probably shouldnt have sold it to me"