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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say it got damaged

269 replies

JAFS · 16/09/2021 13:35

First time poster so please be kind.

So a girl I lived with at uni listed her grandmas sewing table (table with sewing machine inside) on Facebook a few years ago, probably 5 years ago. I’m not sure market place was even a thing she just shared it. We weren’t ever close friends while we loved together she had a boyfriend she spent most of her time with and we didn’t stay in touch after uni. She asked for £25 I think and we met up to exchange. I said I was sorry about her grandma, she explained her grandma hadn’t died but had dementia and was moving into care hence them clearing out her house. I explained my intention to paint the table and she thought that was sounded good and I think I sent her a photo once I had finished.

A couple of years ago she contact me asking for the table back. I explained that I had bought a few pieces of furniture and painted them up the same therefore it was a very key part of my living room currently. I did say that I ever came to sell it that I would let her know.

Since then I have had two children and I have used the machine to make bits for them. It is a very old machine and quite different to use, I once borrowed my mums machine and actually broke it so it’s a familiar machine now and I really like using it when I get chance.

We have moved house and it’s not quite as key a piece of furniture any more and one day when we can afford a new sofa there would not be room for it where it currently is although I like to think I would always find space for it.

She has contacted me again (probably 3 years since the last time she contacted me) asking for it back. I’ve ignored the message, but been messaged again explaining her grandma has now passed away and how sentimental it is to her 🙄. It’s actually sentimental to me now I’ve made gifts for my nephews, niece and daughter using this machine.

My OH says to tell her it was damaged in a house fire to stop the messages. I am a bit tempted to say it got damaged when moving house or to block her as she’s only using Facebook to contact me.

What shall I do? If she sold it to anyone else she wouldn’t be able to keep pestering (I realise it’s not major pestering as it’s not been twice in 5 years - but I know her personality and she’s not going to stop.)

AIBU to not give it back?? WWYD??

OP posts:
daytriptovulcan · 17/09/2021 22:01

I d say she realised she made a mistake selling it... If, with good intentions and karma, you could let her have it back, then i would... If it really means a lot to you now, then i d save het number in case you change your mind later.

Confusedandshaken · 17/09/2021 22:04

@Brollywasntneededafterall

Or do what my poor ndn's dd did and stack the whole lot next to the bins... With the photo frames from the sideboard on top of the bin... Utter Cunts. Foul word for foul people.. Lots of people regret selling things. Doesn't mean you should ask for them back!!
But sometimes what else can you do? If I kept everything that was important to my mum my house would be as cluttered and uncomfortable as hers became. She ended up living between one bedroom and the kitchen because every other room plus attics, green house , garage etc was full of things she couldn't bear to throw away. She sacrificed comfort and quality of life to hoard 'stuff' that not even she wants anymore. She had an entire wall of framed photos in the living room that she hasn't set eyes on for years because the room was too cluttered to use. Even she has forgotten what most of the stuff is or where it came from not because she is losing her faculties but because there is just so much of it.

She has over 80 years worth of photos, postcards, gifted souvenirs from the holidays of hundreds of long dead relatives etc. She has the 6penny notebook I have her for Christmas when I was 5. These things only ever meant something to her and my dad. He's long dead and she has forgotten them so now they don't even mean much to her. A few very precious things will be kept or returned to the people involved but an awful lot will have to be binned.

You can tell this is a sensitive issue for me. It's such a big responsibility to be clearing her house and so much is going to be wasted. But it would be just as wasteful to pay money to store it when no one wants it anymore.

Willow19C · 17/09/2021 22:11

A very simple, "sorry, I don't want to sell it right now. I will let you know if I ever do" will be MORE than enough in these circumstances.

Brollywasntneededafterall · 17/09/2021 22:11

They told her she was going into the care home for the week end only..
Never knew people could be so heartless.

Fleshmechanic · 17/09/2021 22:20

It was never hers to begin with though?

WhatAShilohPitt · 17/09/2021 22:30

‘Hi friend, I understand that you have fond memories of the machine but you did sell it to me not loan it to me and it’s very much become part of my own home now. So could you let me contact you if I do ever decide to sell it, rather than you continuing to message me to ask? I can’t imagine I will, but I assure you that you’d be the first to know.”

Then never engage with any more questions about the bloody thing.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 17/09/2021 22:59

I wouldn’t lie to her. I would just say you’re sorry but it’s not for sale. If she keeps asking I would block her but if she’s only asking once every 2/3 years that sounds manageable. If you ever did decide to sell I think YWBU not to offer her first refusal but as long as you want it you are under no obligation to sell it back to her.

MibsXX · 18/09/2021 04:34

My mum died 12 hrs ago, and the family are already bickering about her things.....i bet she wasnt meant to sell it when her mum went into the home, and now has found she was left it in a will and it had more value..

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 18/09/2021 12:30

@MibsXX

My mum died 12 hrs ago, and the family are already bickering about her things.....i bet she wasnt meant to sell it when her mum went into the home, and now has found she was left it in a will and it had more value..
I'm so sorry Flowers.
fourminutestosavetheworld · 18/09/2021 12:35

@MibsXX

My mum died 12 hrs ago, and the family are already bickering about her things.....i bet she wasnt meant to sell it when her mum went into the home, and now has found she was left it in a will and it had more value..
It has no value. OP has looked into it.
pinkpantherpink · 18/09/2021 15:28

Depending on the type, it's now worth ten times as much. That's the sentimental bit. She sold it. No backsies

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 18/09/2021 17:22

No harm in asking is there? Dont ask, don't get.

I never understand this attitude. Yes sometimes there definitely IS something wrong with asking and by doing it you've identified yourself as a cheeky fucking tosser. But I guess the sort of people who ask don't care what people think of them.

OVienna · 18/09/2021 17:39

@JAFS Has she ever in the three times she's asked explained WHY it is so important to get it back?

I wonder if there is something to the idea that she got into a bit of trouble after it emerged she'd sold it and all of this time she's been telling whoever is upset that it was 'on loan' to you and could be retrieved. Hence the over the odds payment and promise to send a courier. You'd think she'd just SAY though. I am guessing if she sold it, she doesn't sew herself?

If it were a good friend, I probably would have engaged with her on what is going on behind the scenes. But in this case, while you're worrying about spinning her a yarn to get her off your back, you could end up encouraging her to come up with her own, to try to convince you.

You've done nothing wrong here and would be well within your rights to send that one message again and then quietly block her.

That is what I suppose I would do on the basis of what is said here, although I am very curious about what is going on with her...

OVienna · 18/09/2021 17:48

Oh - sorry. I see she's just said it is 'sentimental' to her. I still feel like there is something else going on here.

eastegg · 18/09/2021 22:22

I find it odd that she wasn’t sentimental about it when grandma went into a home with dementia. I mean that must have been a very sad time and she must have realised that grandma was never going back to her house or going to see the sewing machine again.

Boxingmum · 19/09/2021 18:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Biddie191 · 20/09/2021 13:04

Not read the whole thread, sorry, but have read OP's updates.
My theory is that she's found out that her gran had hidden priceless jewellery / drugs / money / blueprint of an amazing invention / something else inside the machine, and is desperate to get it back Grin

Popsicle007 · 20/09/2021 16:42

What you describe sounds similar to the Singer treadle machine left to us when my mother passed. We couldn’t give it away and museums weren’t interested.
I know people have used the iron frame to make tables and even barbecues but certainly not valuable.
You bought it , money exchanged hands so you have no obligation whatsoever to her.

Mamz · 21/09/2021 21:20

I found this and thought you may want to read - if it has Janome plus New Home then its 1954 onwards

sewingiscool.com/old-new-home-sewing-machine-models/

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