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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say it got damaged

269 replies

JAFS · 16/09/2021 13:35

First time poster so please be kind.

So a girl I lived with at uni listed her grandmas sewing table (table with sewing machine inside) on Facebook a few years ago, probably 5 years ago. I’m not sure market place was even a thing she just shared it. We weren’t ever close friends while we loved together she had a boyfriend she spent most of her time with and we didn’t stay in touch after uni. She asked for £25 I think and we met up to exchange. I said I was sorry about her grandma, she explained her grandma hadn’t died but had dementia and was moving into care hence them clearing out her house. I explained my intention to paint the table and she thought that was sounded good and I think I sent her a photo once I had finished.

A couple of years ago she contact me asking for the table back. I explained that I had bought a few pieces of furniture and painted them up the same therefore it was a very key part of my living room currently. I did say that I ever came to sell it that I would let her know.

Since then I have had two children and I have used the machine to make bits for them. It is a very old machine and quite different to use, I once borrowed my mums machine and actually broke it so it’s a familiar machine now and I really like using it when I get chance.

We have moved house and it’s not quite as key a piece of furniture any more and one day when we can afford a new sofa there would not be room for it where it currently is although I like to think I would always find space for it.

She has contacted me again (probably 3 years since the last time she contacted me) asking for it back. I’ve ignored the message, but been messaged again explaining her grandma has now passed away and how sentimental it is to her 🙄. It’s actually sentimental to me now I’ve made gifts for my nephews, niece and daughter using this machine.

My OH says to tell her it was damaged in a house fire to stop the messages. I am a bit tempted to say it got damaged when moving house or to block her as she’s only using Facebook to contact me.

What shall I do? If she sold it to anyone else she wouldn’t be able to keep pestering (I realise it’s not major pestering as it’s not been twice in 5 years - but I know her personality and she’s not going to stop.)

AIBU to not give it back?? WWYD??

OP posts:
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 17/09/2021 15:56

Tell her "I don't want to sell any part of it - the machine, the table or the hidden bulging stash box inside!.

That way, she'll know she's been rumbled and give up or alternatively be phoning you 20 times every day demanding her hitherto unknown grandma's life savings back Grin

fourminutestosavetheworld · 17/09/2021 17:29

@Brollywasntneededafterall

It didn't hold much sentimental value to the op's weird friend. It was the means to make some money... Maybe now she knows it's been jazzed up she thinks she can make more money selling it on yet again?
I thought op said she sold it because she didn't have her an house, but now she does.

Why can't it just be a good person who is older, wiser and regrets selling something. She's just asking, every 2-3 years, and offering to pay generously. She's not even a stranger, but an acquaintance from Uni.

I honestly don't know why some people are saying to block her or send offensive messages. What's wrong with just saying no, I still love it and use it. If she contacts you again in three years, you might feel differently or you might feel the same and say no again. Big deal.

Boxingmum · 17/09/2021 17:37

She sold it ...end of.

winteroversummer · 17/09/2021 17:40

I don't think I'd be able to keep it - it's obviously sentimental and she regrets selling it. I think it's mean to keep it, actually. It's her grandmas and a memory of her grandma.

Mamamamasaurus · 17/09/2021 17:42

Vintage sewing machines can be worth a small fortune, maybe that's why she wants it back. Maybe that's not the reason

Either way, she didn't lend it to you - she sold it.

Ignore. Block. Or message her as PP have said and tell her to stop asking you to sell it back to her.

tigger1001 · 17/09/2021 17:46

@winteroversummer

I don't think I'd be able to keep it - it's obviously sentimental and she regrets selling it. I think it's mean to keep it, actually. It's her grandmas and a memory of her grandma.
How is it mean? It was advertised for sale and the op bought it.

Is it only mean as it's a acquaintance? Or would it still be mean if a stranger bought it?

You don't get to ask for things back after you sell them.

Evan456 · 17/09/2021 18:16

Have you had it valued?

conjourbonjour · 17/09/2021 18:17

Can we see a pic? Personally I’d find something I liked similar online (perhaps there is a modern version?) and tell her you can give it back if she would buy you that in exchange. Personally I would want to give it back if she was that attached to it, but I see where you are coming from.

Mumontour85 · 17/09/2021 18:18

Ummm.... Is she for real?! Who the hell sells something and years later asks for it back?!
I would either offer to sell it back to her for a silly amount of money, or simply say 'No, I'm afraid it has become a part of my family now and i won't be returning it.'
But tbh, I dont think you owe an explanation at all!

mumwon · 17/09/2021 18:19

What if she had sold it to a stranger?
I bet some other member of her family has told her they want it or she needs money & realizes (thinks) she might get money for this
Simple
DF I am sorry but I want to keep this & I do not want to sell it to you or to anybody else
I bought this in good faith & you were happy that I had at the time, it was not a loan but a purchase.
Sorry but no, & I won't be changing my mind.
Thank you

bobblebeebob · 17/09/2021 18:24

Ive gotten rid of stuff before and later regretted it. So i do understand how it happens.

No harm in asking is there? Dont ask, don't get.
Just send a friendly no. Its much loved and used but if ever you sell, she will be first to know. £50- £75 ono

Beastieboys · 17/09/2021 18:26

I would say that I have no immediate plans of selling it but in the future but if you do you will give her first refusal.......

Finewine76 · 17/09/2021 18:33

Why not just block her and move on. You can't sell something then ask for it back. If she's only contacting you for the machine then just block. If she doesn't know where you live then you're fine!

winteroversummer · 17/09/2021 18:55

@tigger1001 I think I'd feel sorry for the person if it was an acquaintance or a stranger, actually. I'm trying to imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and I'd sold something for a little bit of money and then later really regretted it. Particularly something from your family, being in someone else's house. The seller obviously regrets it, and the OP could do something about it.

Each to their own though, I don't suppose there is a right answer, that's just how I feel

MrsScrubbithatescleaning · 17/09/2021 18:59

She was quick to flog it along with goodness knows what else when her grandma was diagnosed with dementia (!) and she probably thinks it’s worth something now, when it likely isn’t.

I collect vintage hand crank Singers and unless it’s a very rare Singer model in excellent condition, it’s value is probably £20-£50 at most.

RaspberryBlower99 · 17/09/2021 18:59

She is totally unreasonable. It is yours, clearly. Surely she has other things to remind her of her grandma. I wouldn't even bother telling her I'd let her know if I was ever selling it, just get rid of her now!

Lockheart · 17/09/2021 19:09

She was quick to flog it along with goodness knows what else when her grandma was diagnosed with dementia (!)

Yes, that's what happens when an elderly person goes into a care home (which cost a lot of money) and you need to clear their house because you have to sell it (see previous point).

There's nothing odd or sinister or distasteful about it.

Burgess67A · 17/09/2021 19:10

She sold it to you ! Not with an option of getting it back !

cherish123 · 17/09/2021 19:11

She sold it to you. It's yours. Don't lie. Just say you use it and won't be selling it back to her.

Topazmumma · 17/09/2021 19:28

Maybe I am a little cynical, but it can't have that much sentimental value if she was happy to sell it when her poor grandma was was ill with dementia. I would suggest maybe she has discovered it might be worth a bit of money, and that is why she is keen to get it back?

tigger1001 · 17/09/2021 19:38

[quote winteroversummer]@tigger1001 I think I'd feel sorry for the person if it was an acquaintance or a stranger, actually. I'm trying to imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and I'd sold something for a little bit of money and then later really regretted it. Particularly something from your family, being in someone else's house. The seller obviously regrets it, and the OP could do something about it.

Each to their own though, I don't suppose there is a right answer, that's just how I feel [/quote]
I get what you are saying. And it's fine if you would, in the op's position, sell it back.

But it's the view thats it's mean not to I was questioning. Why is it mean to say, sorry but I bought it several years ago and I'm not wanting to sell it back.

That's very different from saying there isn't a right or wrong answer. That's basically saying the op is in the wrong. She isn't. And it's not mean to not sell it back. Using emotive language like that is judgemental and is very much saying there is a right solution and you think the op is wrong.

Some are happy to take the person at face value and that's perfectly fine. It's perfectly fine to say yes I will sell it back to you at x. It is also perfectly fine to be more cynical about it and question the original sellers motives. It's also perfectly fine to say sorry but I'm not selling.

Chloemol · 17/09/2021 19:46

She sold it to you, however if she keeps pushing it tell her you will sell if back for £500. Cash

Then you can buy a much better machine!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 17/09/2021 20:35

Yes, that's what happens when an elderly person goes into a care home (which cost a lot of money) and you need to clear their house because you have to sell it (see previous point).

There's nothing odd or sinister or distasteful about it.

This is very true. When somebody dies or goes into care, there's precious little time to grieve or think longer term. At a time when there's a huge upheaval to everybody's lives, bills need to be paid urgently, some very quick decisions have to be made and, in hindsight once you have more time to think about it, there often will be irreversible decisions that you really come to regret.

Also, you have to concentrate on the most important aspect - your loved one's wellbeing (or dignified send-off), which forces you to shove things like possessions into the 'not important by comparison' pile; yet they frequently are very important to you, once you have chance to stop and think about them, especially if your loved one is no longer around in person.

Brollywasntneededafterall · 17/09/2021 20:38

Or do what my poor ndn's dd did and stack the whole lot next to the bins... With the photo frames from the sideboard on top of the bin...
Utter Cunts. Foul word for foul people..
Lots of people regret selling things. Doesn't mean you should ask for them back!!

Hesma · 17/09/2021 21:49

You bought it… she can do one