Male midwives - aibu

[Ikeasucks]

My 27 yr old niece is pregnant and we were discussing the coming birth - she said she would like to put female only midwife on her birthing plan but is worried how the staff, her friends etc will react as one “friend” told her she was being sexist and bigoted for taking that view. Aibu in thinking it’s perfectly fine and understandable for women to want another woman at such a time - it it’s possible

I would think that would be fine. It's her preference.

It's fine. Women always have the right to request another female for intimate medical procedures.

I don’t blame her at all. I wouldn’t want a male midwife either.

The vast majority are female. But 100% put it down if that makes her more comfortable. It is 100% her right and right that it is her choice.

I briefly had a male midwife. He was very able and professional. I don't think there are many though tbh and it's perfectly reasonable to ask for female only if that's possible.

I had one when I first went in after I called and said my waters had broken. He told me they hadn’t and I’d wet myself. I’ve never wet myself and I was 100% sure my waters had broken as I’d heard a loud pop and got a huge whoosh of fluid down my legs. He didn’t explain why he was sure I was lying but he did ask my husband who was next to me what he thought

I’m sure there are bad fender midwives too but this particular man stank of misogyny and “what you do you know stupid woman, let’s see what another man thinks” and I still despise him.

My waters had broken, obviously. Twat.

She can put anything she likes. But advise her that birth plans don't always go as planned, I wanted a water birth with my first, music etc plus female midwife. In reality I had a highly complicated delivery and ended up with midwifes, doctors and several students both male and female. I would have had an orchestra in there as long as the baby was delivered safety. I was much more realitic for my other children.

I think it’s a very reasonable preference, same as it is reasonable to prefer a female doctor for intimate examination. But in the current NHS staffing circumstances I think I’d accept that it was merely a preference - presumably there are times where a male midwife might be the only one available.

• female

@moregarlic

I don’t blame her at all. I wouldn’t want a male midwife either.

Out of interest, would you also not want a male consultant/registrar/doctor if you were consultant led?

It is her choice.
I personally wouldn't mind especially after the bat shit midwife I had with DD, every part of me knew she wasn't right even typing my notes she couldn't find the letters on the keyboard.

I had a male midwife deliver my first out of 4 children.
In all honesty, he was the absolute best out of all the midwives who delivered my babies.
It felt weird to start with, but soon forgot about it once in full throws of labour and delivering.

Female only here for everything possible.

Doctors. Dentists. In fact anyone who is in my personal space.

I had a female midwife. But when I needed a forcep delivery I didn't care who was down that end. 2 male doctors who were doing their jobs.

It’s fine, it’s a reasonable request and nobody will object.

What would she do if there was complications and the only doctor available was male? Would she refuse treatment or is she OK with male doctors? I think this is discriminatory and sexist, male midwives are as professional and trained as their female counter parts. We need to get away from gender definitions for jobs.

If that's what she wants she should put that down and she doesn't need to tell nay of her friends about it.

I delivered in an area where a lot of women requested women only explicitly (religion). I didn’t express any preference so had male midwife for delivery (brilliant) and a different one for after care (stitches were not nice). So if she definitely doesn’t want male carers it might be worth it as otherwise they may default to giving her male if everyone else has said no.

I was a lot older and gave a rats arse about peoples opinions. I request females for all nhs and dentist because I feel more comfortable and I’m prepared to walk away if I don’t get what I want. I was under an obstetrician for most of pregnancy, the team was 2 men and a woman. The very best treatment I received was from the male team member. I’m not saying men don’t do a good job but I relate better when in a vulnerable position to a female.

I think it's reasonable. I wouldn't want a male Dr again in pregnancy either.

After years of sexual harassment by men, yeah, I’d only want a female midwife and prefer females for most appointments where someone will be in my personal space. It’s nothing to do with gender stereotyping careers.

It’s fine, though saying that I had a male midwife break my waters and a male deliver my baby when he got stuck on the way out! At that point in time I didn’t care who got him out as long as they did.

Up to her!

I’m fine with a male midwife, and really male medical professionals for most things.

However I think women have a right to ask for a woman, especially when it’s something intimate.

I’m assuming an emergency would be different!

Mid husband surely! Although I know that the origin of the word is from Old English meaning mid = with and wif = woman so "with woman" really, so either sex applies to midwife, and I was being lighthearted and google helped too!

If you'd prefer a female, ask for one, although as pp said, things don't always go to plan.

Google threw up this BBC article which mentions MN re this subject.

www.bbc.com/news/magazine-41426691

A male midwife has been found guilty of child indecent images in the news. Worrying. Do what makes you feel safe OP