Male midwives - aibu

[Ikeasucks]

My 27 yr old niece is pregnant and we were discussing the coming birth - she said she would like to put female only midwife on her birthing plan but is worried how the staff, her friends etc will react as one “friend” told her she was being sexist and bigoted for taking that view. Aibu in thinking it’s perfectly fine and understandable for women to want another woman at such a time - it it’s possible

As others have stated, if she wants female only then she needs to think beyond just the midwife. What about the registrar, consultant anaesthetist, paediatricians. I needed all of these for my first and some for my second. The midwives were female, but the rest were all men.

I think it's fine to have a preference but people do need to think about what they'd do if there isn't a staff member of their preferred sex available at the time they need it. I doubt that would happen in a birthing situation given the vast majority of midwives are female, but it could definitely happen if she ended up needing care from a doctor as there are a lot more male obstetricians. Personally I wouldn't really be arsed about the sex of my midwife or doctor but I can appreciate that not everyone feels that way.

I chose a male OB🤷‍♀️. Didn’t choose him for his gender. I did a bit of an assessment from my range of options and thought about worse case scenarios and who I would want leading the charge in that event, and he won out over the females who were in the pool. That’s all I was worried about really.

We had this recently with a pregnant family member. She was told that she could ask for only female midwives if she wanted, but that if a male midwife was on duty and she didn't want to be treated by him, it would be noted that she had refused treatment. At the time, when she was making her birth plan, she thought this was OTT and unprofessional. Now having actually given birth there, she's seen what the staffing levels are like and accepts that they don't have enough on duty at any one time to be able to provide a second choice if she refused the first, they were run off their feet. As it happened, she did get only women, the men weren't on duty when she was in, but it was chance rather than policy.

She has no reason to discuss this with anyone else.
I guess she could put it down but I am not sure how that would pan out in reality?
I had a junior male doctor deliver my first dc.
Team full of surgeons next time around.
Birthing plans always felt like a disclaimer to me.
I hope all goes well for your niece.

Of course it’s her choice. However I’m sure at crunch time she won’t two monkey farts who the midwife is as long as they are capable and able!

I didn’t have the best pregnancy or birth. However, one of the things that made it better for me was that (by coincidence) my entire team was female. I’m so much more comfortable around other women. If it came to doing it again, I would state my preference for a female team.

@tempchecked

Midwife means ‘with woman’ so a midwife is the correct term for any gender in that profession.

@BlackKittyKat

As others have stated, if she wants female only then she needs to think beyond just the midwife. What about the registrar, consultant anaesthetist, paediatricians. I needed all of these for my first and some for my second. The midwives were female, but the rest were all men.

Same. My midwifes were female but it was the male consultants who helped to save mine and my baby's lifes when baby was born 9 weeks prematurely by emergency c section.

I honestly couldn't have cared less at that point who saw which parts of my body, I just wanted my baby and me to live.

It wasn't quite the relaxed, music playing, water birth I had requested...

I wouldn’t really care to be honest.

Yes when I had my emcs with my daughter it was men doing it.

It's not something that bothers me but I'm sure the medical staff are used to such requests.
If she's worried about what others think she might need to get used to it - once she's a parent everyone will have an opinion on everything she does!

’Female only here for everything possible. Doctors. Dentists. In fact anyone who is in my personal space.’

Snap.

In the same breathe will she only want female doctors in an emergency or will it then be ‘ok’ for a male to be in the room? As the chances of a male MW are very slim but the chance of a male dr are a lot higher
I think it’s worth her asking herself why she doesn’t want a male MW, it’s partner pressure, embarrassment or actually from a. Previous trauma

@AnneLovesGilbert

I had one when I first went in after I called and said my waters had broken. He told me they hadn’t and I’d wet myself. I’ve never wet myself and I was 100% sure my waters had broken as I’d heard a loud pop and got a huge whoosh of fluid down my legs. He didn’t explain why he was sure I was lying but he did ask my husband who was next to me what he thought

I’m sure there are bad fender midwives too but this particular man stank of misogyny and “what you do you know stupid woman, let’s see what another man thinks” and I still despise him.

My waters had broken, obviously. Twat.

To be fair I had the same experience of being told I must’ve wet myself. Only for me it was by a sting of female midwives. I’d been induced and 5mins later felt my waters go. None of the staff would bother to check me as it was “too soon for my waters to go and therefore must’ve been urine”. They never even considered that maybe after being 11 days overdue maybe l had just gone into labour naturally myself. The one male midwife On duty that day was actually really good.

I think it’s absolutely her choice and no issues.
But I had dozens of people male and female raking around up there on a daily basis for weeks and their sex / gender makes absolutely no difference.

[quote Merryoldgoat]@tempchecked

Midwife means ‘with woman’ so a midwife is the correct term for any gender in that profession.[/quote]
I know, I said so in my post.

@FTEngineerM yes, I had a terrible experience with a male consultant in my second pregnancy. I also had a bad experience with a male sonography for an internal scan.

From now on it's women only for me for those things.

“Of course it’s her choice. However I’m sure at crunch time she won’t two monkey farts who the midwife is as long as they are capable and able!”

She feels if she turns up
at the hospital and is faced with a male midwife she’ll enter the process more upset/uncomfortable than she wants to be. It’s starting an already stressful experience on an unnecessary negative

@Theworldishard

A male midwife has been found guilty of child indecent images in the news. Worrying. Do what makes you feel safe OP

That's just one out of how many male midwives though? I'm sure there are some female midwives who are sex offenders (female sex offenders are harder to identify as they are generally trusted more).

Hasn't a female teacher recently been charged with child rape?

When it comes to the point she might find that she doesn’t give a toss, as long as they’re kind and professional.

Might add that the only rough treatment I ever suffered during 2 pregnancies and labours, was from a female doctor. After difficult labours both my dds were delivered by male obstetricians, and I was just profoundly grateful to anyone with the expertise to make sure I ended up both alive, and with healthy babies to take home.

I think its fine to ask, but to give you an idea.

I had mainly female midwives and a male consulatant. Male consultant was in my opinion shit and in the end was replaced with a female consultant. Female midwives couldn't get a needle in my arm, male midwife came along did it first go.

I personally don't think it matters (in my case) if they were male or female, maybe it had something to do with experience, maybe some had just worked a 12 hour shift and was functioning at 99% instead of 100%

But just because I wasn't fussed about it, doesn't meant the next woman shouldn't be able to say who she wants during a serious medical procedure.

She is well within her rights to request to be cared for by female midwives. Its not sexist or bigoted to ask for this - I only ask for female GPS now as the male ones tend to not listen to me.

Whether thats what she receives because of staffing levels, is another matter.

The difference between a male midwife and a male consultant is that you are rarely alone with a consultant. You are with the midwife.