Male midwives - aibu

[Ikeasucks]

My 27 yr old niece is pregnant and we were discussing the coming birth - she said she would like to put female only midwife on her birthing plan but is worried how the staff, her friends etc will react as one “friend” told her she was being sexist and bigoted for taking that view. Aibu in thinking it’s perfectly fine and understandable for women to want another woman at such a time - it it’s possible

She absolutely can put that and as most midwives are women its likely to not be an issue anyway. How does she feel about medical staff? Would she prefer a woman or just whoever is best placed at the time? She can request but I would suggest not as you wouldn't want to delay medical treatment if required to wait for a woman doctor.
FWIW I have the most wonderful friend who trained to be a midwive (or midhusband as he calls himself...) after seeing his two children born. He is the most empathetic, professional wonderful person and (if I didn't know him) would be an amazing midwife.

I always swore id have a female midwife but with no5 baby this bloke walked in
I remember thinking 'fuck,it's a bloke
Followed by 'I don't care if he's a bloody alien,as long as he gets this baby out'
He was fabulous-kept me together while chatting football with my ex
Baby was delivered and all good
My advice to any woman is to keep an open mind-but if she wants a lady midwife then that's what she wants

@Twizbe that’s logical and what I’d expect of someone refusing male midwife.

Ah I love how in this day and age, women should be allowed to do any job a man can do, but not the other way around! 😣🤷‍♀️

A male midwife is just as qualified as a female midwife!

Didn't have a male midwife, but did have a male doctor who had to check my stitches after delivery, guess what... ITS NO DIFFERENT THAN A FEMALE DOCTOR!

I know male midwives who are better than some female midwives. I'll bet more than 50% of obstetricians are men, yet nobody seems to refuse them, however it's her decision.

Her choice entirely. My birth plan requested female midwives and no students.

I had to go into surgery to have the placenta taken out and didn't care about men as part of but the surgical team; it's less intimate and at that point I couldn't care less. But having female midwives was important.

@Mommabear20

Ah I love how in this day and age, women should be allowed to do any job a man can do, but not the other way around! 😣🤷‍♀️

A male midwife is just as qualified as a female midwife!

Didn't have a male midwife, but did have a male doctor who had to check my stitches after delivery, guess what... ITS NO DIFFERENT THAN A FEMALE DOCTOR!

I completely agree with this

I'm sure they will be used to having women asking for female midwives (although the term already implies a woman), for all sorts of reasons.

As for your niece, she might not want a male midwife (midman?) but I bet she wouldn't notice it in the middle of birth pain.

My advice to her would be to try and visit the ward and see how she feels about the staff.

Personally, I'd rather have a professional male midwife in the room than a worse female midwife.
I really valued the midwives that attended the birdh of DS and made it (IMO) a better experience than it could have easily been.

It is 100 percent her choice whatever make her feel more comfortable at a stressful time. Me I couldn't give a flying s*#t if female male or alien as long as they are qualified and can keep me and baby alive and healthy

@LadyRoughDiamond

You are allowed a preference, but do bear in mind that the situation on the day may mean that this isn’t possible. Do a bit of research on how well staffed your local dept is, just to prepare yourself in case.

Yes I am rather surprised by how many posters were able to "opt" for female only doctors etc. Was that private?

NHS you are just grateful anyone has time to look at you.

I had a male midwife 25 years ago so it's nothing new. Didn't bother me at all to be fair. I suspect if you only want female doctors/nurses/midwives/consultants you would probably have to pay for the privilege. As a survivor of rape, I do understand why some women may have very strong feelings about it though. Just thinking that any man who wants to work in a maternity/gynae capacity is a pervert is twisted and outdated thinking.

Sorry, competent rather than professional, in the last paragraph.

The difference is not the capabilities as you well know.

Men are also entitles to same sex care by the way so it works both ways.

A women in labour is vulnerable have being roughly examined by an unchaperoned man I'd prefer a female where possible too. Wonen aren't here to make Men feel better about themselves

Yes she can request a female midwife, staffing overall is pretty dire but seen as those the vast vast majority are women, i can't see that being an issue to be honest. Tell her to do whatever she feels comfortable with, people will always say ah you won't even notice, oh I had a great one- that's great, but not helpful.

I think it's fine though I've no doubt male midwives are good.

We have to remember in years gone by, most doctors, including obsetricians, were male and women just accepted it. It seems odd now when there is a plethora of women doctors.

It's nice to have women doing things with your 'bits' and I don't blame your niece - one bit.

I hope all goes well with her.

I think I’ve read in the past that there are fewer than 100 male midwives in the profession in this country, so the chances of being offered one are fairly slim.

And a woman always has a right to request a female HCP, when that’s a midwife or a doctor or a nurse.

I don't think it's entirely fair to compare midwives and doctors and say that any woman who is happy with male doctors but not male midwives must be sexist and hypocritical. They are completely different roles.

I absolutely agree with this and frankly I think it devalues a midwife’s role to keep saying ‘but would you be happy with a male….?’, as if midwifery is the same as any other healthcare job. A midwife’s role in birth is unique and extremely intimate, and the midwife is often alone with the woman for a very prolonged period of time.

That's just one out of how many male midwives though? I'm sure there are some female midwives who are sex offenders (female sex offenders are harder to identify as they are generally trusted more).

Hasn't a female teacher recently been charged with child rape?

99% of sex offenders are male, 90% of victims are female.

Rape requires a penis so are you sure the teacher was actualky female?

@Ilovemycar77

I had a male midwife deliver my first out of 4 children. In all honesty, he was the absolute best out of all the midwives who delivered my babies. It felt weird to start with, but soon forgot about it once in full throws of labour and delivering.

Me too! I had a bit of a surprise when he arrived and announced he was my midwife. He was the kindest most competent, empathetic midwife I have had. He even stayed well beyond the end of his shift because he didn't like to leave someone half way through. Lovely person.

Maybe don't judge.

I left a 't' out of 'obstetricians'.

It's her preference, the male midwives may still be involved in her care indirectly but it's completely reasonable.

I understand because certain things I would prefer a woman for. When I was being induced I was praying that out of a male doctor and female doctor I would get the female one for doing the physical bits, on the post natal ward I had a male midwife who took excellent care of me and the baby. I was happy for him to do all I happened to need at the time but for intimate examinations I would have preferred a female for sure. I think it’s perfectly acceptable!

All three of my pregnancies were consultant led because of complications. All three of my babies were delivered by a male consultant. There were no female consultants, only male.

I’ve never heard of anyone objecting to male consultants, just male midwifes. I’m curious as to why?

I had a wonderful female midwife the first time. It was very hands on and hands up at one point because DS was showing signs of distress. However, it was all gentle and calm, fully informed and I hardly noticed the examinations.

I would wish this as a first line choice for every mother.

There's no need for her to discuss her birth plan with her friends though. Only she and her birth partner (plus HCPs) need know what's on there.

Does she actually hold the view that men should not train and practice as midwives? If not, I'm not sure why she, her friends, or anyone on this thread would be choosing to discuss that topic.

It's completely different and beside the point of someone expressing their own personal preference.

I don’t think anyone will think anything of her request and if it makes her feel more confident then do it. After your first I think most us decide we won’t actually care when in the throws of labour! Most midwives are female and there’s plenty of work to go round so I can’t imagine there is I’ll be an availability problem. It’s such a shame that most women don’t get to give birth with a midwife they know and trust, it may be less of an issue then.
Got to say one of the best midwives I had was male

It’s not bigoted at all IMO. Midwives are a lot more hands on than doctors or consultants.

However, it’s not something that would bother me specifically. Interestingly I’ve come across two male doctors who seemed anxious about doing an internal exam on me even though I wasn’t bothered. One of them scurried off and a female doctor came back in 🤷🏻‍♀️