Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

They've announced their pregnancy

178 replies

isthisok22 · 14/09/2021 14:49

Not sure if my emotions are getting the better of me.

We lost a pregnancy earlier this year a friends and family know. We are now staying in Scotland with DHs parents and siblings and 3 of his friends. It's the first time we've seen PIL since it happened.

One friend and wife have chosen now to announce that they are pregnant to us / the group / social media.

Every conversation they start is around their baby and how's she feeling and what she can and can't eat and how exciting it is and I feel quite upset. We've seen them lots this summer and I don't know why now seemed like the best time. Their own parents don't even know.

All the talk about oh I felt like this at week 5 and this at week 10 is infuriating because I was pregnant for 14 weeks and felt all those things but because the pregnancy ended it's like it didn't count and everyone has forgotten I experienced it all too.

OP posts:
Original poster
isthisok22 · 14/09/2021 14:50

I should have said announced her pregnancy, sorry

OP posts:
stripedbananas · 14/09/2021 14:53

They're not doing anything wrong.

I'm so sorry for your loss, it's an awful experience to go through and it's normal to feel so sensitive. Allow yourself to feel sad and frustrated but your friends aren't doing anything wrong they're allowed to be happy. Hopefully you will soon too Thanks

GCAcademic · 14/09/2021 14:56

I'm really sorry OP and I think your feelings are perfectly understandable. Yes, the friends are allowed to be happy, but I'd like to think that in this situation most of us would manage to be happy and sensitive to the OP at the same time.

noctu · 14/09/2021 14:57

When would you have preferred them to announce it?

Fernando072020 · 14/09/2021 14:57

I've been there too, op and it's bloody painful. Although your friends have a right to tell people and be excited, I would expect good friends to be more sensitive in this situation and not start every conversation regarding the baby. If it gets too much, remove yourself from the situation, that's what I used to do.

Original poster
isthisok22 · 14/09/2021 14:57

They've always been strangely competitive with us and this feels like some sort of 'win' for them to announce it in this way. They said in front of everyone they didn't know how to tell us but tbh I feel like this was the worst way.

OP posts:
Original poster
isthisok22 · 14/09/2021 14:58

@noctu not on holiday with our family? Perhaps to their own families first?

OP posts:
Nahhh · 14/09/2021 15:00

I’ve lost a few pregnancies and been fortunate enough to have had 2 successful ones too. I’ve always been very sensitive when making announcements, especially to friends I know have miscarried. That’s the kind thing to do.

I’m sorry your friends haven’t been sensitive x

notasillysausage · 14/09/2021 15:00

I think this is really self absorbed of them. Why on earth they thought it was appropriate to announce a pregnancy to you in a situation where you can’t just leave and have your own space is beyond me. Sending hugs OP.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/09/2021 15:01

@noctu

When would you have preferred them to announce it?
At their own family's get together, rather than OP's and her partner's, surely. She could leave if it was their family. It's more difficult to leave when you're leaving your family and your guests.

OP can you have a quiet word?

Mynameismargot · 14/09/2021 15:01

How far along is she? If she is 12weeks I would imagine that they were just bursting with excitement to tell everyone and that's why they chose now.
I understand why you are upset but the same way you are allowed to feel upset they are allowed to feel excited. Most first timers talk about nothing but their pregnancy for a while, esp when they first announce it.

Original poster
isthisok22 · 14/09/2021 15:02

@Mynameismargot no she's 16, so had had a whole month to mention it. She's not showing at all either and it's not summer weather so easily could have got through the weekend.

OP posts:
HaggisBurger · 14/09/2021 15:02

[quote isthisok22]@noctu not on holiday with our family? Perhaps to their own families first?[/quote]
I do think that’s weird (to have not told their own families first) and also insensitive. Yes - you’d have known in a few weeks or whatever but this feels like they need to be the in person centre of attention. I think your instinct is correct on this. Perhaps someone might have a discreet word to ask them to tone it down a little out of sensitivity? But yes feel free to take yourself away if it’s too much. It sounds hard @isthisok22

Comedycook · 14/09/2021 15:03

Perhaps they told you because she didn't want to explain why she wasn't drinking. They could be a little more tactful by the sounds of it but they also have a right to be excited. Sorry for your loss

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 14/09/2021 15:03

Maybe they thought it might be better when you have your family around you? It's a strange time to announce it especially considering they've not told their own family yet.

Original poster
isthisok22 · 14/09/2021 15:03

@HaggisBurger I don't want to seem bitter or give them any satisfaction!

OP posts:
HaggisBurger · 14/09/2021 15:05

Hmmmm. Maybe just smile benignly and grit your teeth. Is your DH sympathetic. It helps to be able to have a little moan behind closed doors

hulahooper2 · 14/09/2021 15:05

I’ve been your shoes but hard as it is life goes on , even if it’s hard for you , your turn will come

Mybalconyiscracking · 14/09/2021 15:05

I lost a baby the same day that my sil announced she was pregnant with twins. My sister announced her first pregnancy 2 months later.
It is tough, but life goes on, try to be happy for them. Your time will come again.

Sweetchocolatecandy · 14/09/2021 15:08

I get the feeling that it doesn’t matter how they’d announced their pregnancy, you’d still be feeling this way- which is perfectly understandable. However as others have said- life goes on, just try to be happy for them or if it’s easier for you emotionally take a step back.

Hekatestorch · 14/09/2021 15:09

I mean they must all be close if they all holiday together?

I get why you feel like you do. But I also think there's probably a genuine reason they told people while they were there.

They must be pretty vile, to believe this is some sort of win.

Would your dh really be friends, with this sort of people? Would they be that close they holiday with him and his parents?

PumpkinsGalore · 14/09/2021 15:11

LTB!!!! - Leave the bastards. This would be friendship-ending for me Thanks

Enough4me · 14/09/2021 15:12

I know the feeling having had a molar pregnancy, but then was fortunate to have a rainbow baby (my DC2 who is now a older child).

I remember a sad 'no bump' feeling, where the bump should be, the seeing others apparently swanning through pregnancy. I found it better when I separated what they had as being theirs and that I didn't want theirs, I wanted mine.

If it is intentional I would listen, nod and hmm the comments and go off and do other things. It's very sad if they consider this a win above supporting friends as being a win.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/09/2021 15:13

@Sweetchocolatecandy

I get the feeling that it doesn’t matter how they’d announced their pregnancy, you’d still be feeling this way- which is perfectly understandable. However as others have said- life goes on, just try to be happy for them or if it’s easier for you emotionally take a step back.
Yeah but anywhere else, OP could have felt sad alone, not having to be in company.

I know people are giving reasons but I wouldn't have done this. Would any of you?

YellsiBabs · 14/09/2021 15:13

Don’t be bitter, OP. I know it’s hard. You’ll get your time… focus on that.

Swipe left for the next trending thread