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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be able to attend this with one weeks notice?

216 replies

HungryHippo11 · 14/09/2021 07:01

My daughter started reception last week. On Wednesday we had a letter telling us about a "meet the teacher" event this Wednesday at 4.30pm. Children are not allowed to come.

AIBU to think many parents will struggle to attend this meeting? My husband is going to have to work from home and just put the kids in front of the telly so that I can go. Other friends of mine are working, even if one parent isn't they can't go because they wouldn't have childcare.

Just wondering whether you would be able to make it with this short notice.
YABU - I could easily attend
YANBU - they should have given more notice or done it in the evening

OP posts:
Hathertonhariden · 14/09/2021 17:58

Our school would say that you weren't forced to attend these events but in the next breath would be guilt tripping parents about the impact on the children of failing to engage.

The biggest two issues are expecting every parent to be in a position to drop everything to be at school within 15 mins when required or be able to nominate someone else to do it which isn't remotely practicable for many families, especially where both parents work and extended family aren't in the immediate vicinity.

The other is the lack of planning on the part of some schools. These events happen every year and some schools are sufficiently organised to send parents a calendar for the term/year so that they have sufficient time to make arrangements to attend. Many others seem completely disorganised with little notice given which prevents parents from attending. You would hope that this is a case of schools planning events and just failing to communicate adequately. This failure does leave schools open to the conclusion that the head has difficulty in organising activities and leaves it all to the last minute. Not a good look.

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/09/2021 21:24

@Comedycook

I think the real difficulty is saying kids can't come. You could be a sahm but still unable to attend if you have no one available to look after your child.
This

I work nights so about daytime but if no kids allowed they should do in evenings so Ideally One parent will be home from
Work

Essexgirlupnorth · 14/09/2021 21:31

We had the same a week's notice for a event 4:30 till 5:30 we could take the kids. Planned to leave work at 4 (work in a hospital) then got into to work to find 2 of my colleagues had called in sick. Luckily my line manger has two primary aged kids so said I was fine to leave but did feel guilty about it.
I try to go to what I can but not always possible one silver lining of covid no in school events

lockdownmadnessdotcom · 14/09/2021 21:39

if they plan them for daytime then working parents can't attend, if evenings then it eats in to dinner/bath/bed

I think eating into dinner/bath/bed can be coped with?

Rather more difficult to get out of work all the time.

Some primary schools are still in the 1950s and think mums don't work - despite being predominantly female workforces and many have kids themselves. It is quite mind-boggling really.

TAKESNOSHITSHIRLEY · 14/09/2021 21:41

you have now entered in to the world where schools assume there is a stay at home parent in every household.

this is just the start.

lockdownmadnessdotcom · 14/09/2021 21:41

The biggest two issues are expecting every parent to be in a position to drop everything to be at school within 15 mins when required or be able to nominate someone else to do it which isn't remotely practicable for many families, especially where both parents work and extended family aren't in the immediate vicinity

Don't you know you HAVE to have relatives close by and when you had your kids you should have planned to ensure that your relatives never move away, get ill, get old or die? MNers will tell you how irresponsible you were to have kids when you don't have grandparents 5 mins walk away who don't age...and don't have a life of their own.

CalamityJaneDoe · 14/09/2021 21:50

As a lone parent with no support network (or friends, we’ve just moved to a new place 100 miles or so from our old place) I could not attend no matter how much notice I was given.

SockQueen · 14/09/2021 22:01

I couldn't - I work an hour away and my hours are non-negotiable, plus we've just had a grumpy e-mail from our rota co-ordinator reminding us that leave needs to be booked 6 weeks in advance (not that I'd really want to take a day's leave for a one hour meeting). DH possibly could, as he WFH and has flexible hours, but he'd have to find someone to look after DS1, or see if there was a space in after-school club, which he's never been to before. Not ideal, but just about manageable.

Throwntothewolves · 14/09/2021 23:10

We shifted things around, found last minute childcare etc for the first couple of years, only to find some parents brought their kids along anyway because they had no childcare. So we decided to do the same. Then Covid happened so haven't actually done so yet.

CreamFirstThenJamOnTop · 14/09/2021 23:13

I could attend by shifting things round in my work diary but it would be a pain.

They should give more notice.

BlackeyedSusan · 14/09/2021 23:53

not easy as a single parent either as there is no-one else to have the children. (though going to the in the day things wsa not an issue so some advantages there)

I used to just turn up with them anyway as there was not much else we could do. Occasionally I had a friend who could have them if it was for the younger one, but not the oldest as she had a child in the same class and the same issue. They eventually ran a creche in school.

ex worked 50 miles away. elderly grandparents, also 50-60miles away, other relatives abroad.

KingdomScrolls · 15/09/2021 00:12

I could but only because one of the positives of my poorly paid very stressful public sector job, is a little bit of flex (only because staff turnover is so high and staffing is always at breaking point, so if I say I need to go my boss would let me), my mum would watch ds even though she lives 45 minutes away, I am very fortunate in that respect

alrightfella · 15/09/2021 06:51

I was a sahm when my kids were this age but I had no childcare. I would have had to beg a favour from a friend whose dc were at a different school which I would begrudge doing for this sort of thing. I would probably have said no due to childcare and just asked them to send me a copy of the power point slides afterwards.

Macncheeseballs · 15/09/2021 08:07

Takenoshitshirley- you don't have to be a sahp in order to attend something like that, some people have flexible jobs

Comedycook · 15/09/2021 08:27

@alrightfella

I was a sahm when my kids were this age but I had no childcare. I would have had to beg a favour from a friend whose dc were at a different school which I would begrudge doing for this sort of thing. I would probably have said no due to childcare and just asked them to send me a copy of the power point slides afterwards.
Exactly...I'm a sahm but it would be a pain to organise someone to watch the kids. And to be honest, on the rare occasion I can get a babysitter I don't want to waste that time at a school event to be honest
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 15/09/2021 12:24

@WaterBottle123

Ha no way I'd go. Completely unnecessary.

This year ours was on zoom and I still didn't go, because I knew they'd send the slide pack after.

Primaries love to create busy-work to undermine working parents. Just say no

No they don’t! If you think any teacher or school loves to create busy work to undermine working parents you are not thinking that through are you? Do you actually really think that? They’re doing their best with what they have. Teachers have lives and families too.

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