Would you be able to attend this with one weeks notice?

[HungryHippo11]

My daughter started reception last week. On Wednesday we had a letter telling us about a "meet the teacher" event this Wednesday at 4.30pm. Children are not allowed to come.

AIBU to think many parents will struggle to attend this meeting? My husband is going to have to work from home and just put the kids in front of the telly so that I can go. Other friends of mine are working, even if one parent isn't they can't go because they wouldn't have childcare.

Just wondering whether you would be able to make it with this short notice.
YABU - I could easily attend
YANBU - they should have given more notice or done it in the evening

On this thread there are about 50 responses similar to 'do they expect us to still live in the 50s and all be sahp?' I'm curious about this. Are you saying your schools are telling you of these events and using words like 'I demand you attend' 'I expect you to attend' etc? Or, are they simply putting on events which you can choose whether you attend or not?

@Comedycook

I think they assume everyone is a sahm with a willing grandparent living next door

I really don't think they do. Primary schools don't choose the timing of this sort of thing just to wind you up or to make life difficult. The timing will be determined by the availability of the teaching and premises staff as well as the availability of the building. Many schools have cleaners in immediately after the children finish. Others have their buildings used for clubs or for external bookings.

Education is compulsory, school isn't. If parents have chosen to have their children educated in a school, they should expect events to take place at a time that the school can make it work. If notice is too short for parents to rearrange their work/sort childcare, it's worth asking if there's any flexibility for something like a meeting the teacher event or for handouts if it's a 'how we teach phonics' event.

As children can't attend, it is assuming that there are two adults around, one to attend and one to look after the children. Right in the middle of the working day... Or paying for childcare. I think it's unreasonable. Our school runs events like this in the evening, which is much better...

I could attend so voted YABU, but think this is totally unreasonable. Very poor planning.

i think those saying the teachers will understand and it's not a demand to attend are forgetting that there is a small kid involved who usually really, really wants the parent to be there (and I really want to be there too!). A couple of weeks' extra notice really does make all the difference for most people.

@arethereanyleftatall

On this thread there are about 50 responses similar to 'do they expect us to still live in the 50s and all be sahp?' I'm curious about this. Are you saying your schools are telling you of these events and using words like 'I demand you attend' 'I expect you to attend' etc? Or, are they simply putting on events which you can choose whether you attend or not?

They are not forcing you to attend but it is hugely advantageous all round if the parents can support their children with phonics and they know the way it is taught in school. I do feel that it would be helpful to schedule such sessions in the evening rather than during the working day so that the majority of parents can make it.

The no children bit would be a sticking point for us. If necessary for a 4.30 meeting DH could finish a bit early if he didn't have meeting scheduled, or I could take a half day as I work a late shift (and work is flexible about time off unless my supervisor is off - I'm the manager) but I wouldn't want both of us taking time off work for a short, not very important meeting. We try to save employers goodwill where we can!
Morning meetings are easier as I don't start work until late - but again I'd have DC with me/expect them to be in school anyway.

I work in school which means I can never attend social events in term time or go away for a long weekend. Does that mean my friends should never organise one? Of course not, you organise it, those who can attend do and others unfortunately miss out.

I have another friend who works in a care home and works every other weekend, so she misses a lot of weekend stuff, but we still go ahead without her.

Whatever it is you're organising, be it social, business or school, you're never going to suit everyone.

I would, but only because I work flexible hours from home and live only 2 minutes from the school.

As others have said this is entirely normal and frustrating in primary school. The bit I don't understand is the short notice. I get that they don't want to be holding meetings etc in the evening- teachers have their own lives and families. But we consistently get one - two weeks notice for inset days, parents evenings, assemblies etc. Surely these things are planned in advance? Parents at our school have emailed, spoke to the school, even put in complaints about the lack of notice but still it continues - just been told about an inset day next week so everyone is scrabbling about trying to sort out how to look after their DC at such short notice.

@KihoBebiluPute

Yanbu but this is perfectly normal for primary schools. All activities are run on the assumption that every child has a SAHP and also one or more nearby grandparents or other relatives who are able to offer unlimited free childcare on demand.

The thing i found most difficult was that i had to supply the names and contact details of not just one but two people who could be called upon to collect a child andlook after them in the event thar both parents are uncontrollable. All my family and closest friends live at least an hour's drive away. The friends i have who love in the same city are generally casual acquaintances, not people who can be expected to drop everything to provide emergency childcare.

However, this is what the next 7 years will be like.

In answer to your question - they simply don't expect everyone to come. They are offering the opportunity at a time that isn't too inconvenient to the teachers, in the full knowledge that only a privileged few families will have the capacity to be able to attend. They will be planning on about a 20-30% attendance rate.

Love that you need contacts for when parents are uncontrollable

We got a ‘reminder’ last Wednesday that there was a welcome to Y5 and school trip meeting last Thursday, was the first anyone had heard about it. I couldn’t go at such short notice, trip is next week and they haven’t forwarded any info yet 😬

@HungryHippo11

Hmmm YANBU. Even if I could make it, (and many can't because of commitments with work or other children/family/hobbies/activities,) it would annoy me.

Mine are mid 20s and are grown now, but when they were at school, it used to annoy the hell out of me how the school used to TELL the parents what to do, what the kids HAD to wear, how they HAD to have the school's attire/uniform ONLY (at an exorbitant cost.)

And also how we had to provide the stuff they needed for cooking and baking and crafts etc...

AND how they used to summon the parents to the school when it suited them, and expect everyone to automatically attend. I felt (if I didn't go) that I would be letting my children down. Like I said to my DH a few times 'surely if anything needs addressing, they can tell us, why the need for these parents evenings/teacher meetings?'

It was 5 minutes of their time, but much longer for us, with having to get there and back, and wait around, as they were ALWAYS running behind.

All of the above combined with school politics, school gate mafia and spiteful, cliquey mums, the stress of course work and exams, and bullying, and all the rules and regulations you MUST abide by, and a few teachers being useless (many were great, a few were useless,) I am very glad the 'school' years are long gone with my children!

Love that you need contacts for when parents are uncontrollable I didn't notice my phone's autoincorrect there!

Unavailable obviously.

@KihoBebiluPute

Yanbu but this is perfectly normal for primary schools. All activities are run on the assumption that every child has a SAHP and also one or more nearby grandparents or other relatives who are able to offer unlimited free childcare on demand.

That's pretty daft isn't it? Assuming EVERYONE is able to come, and has someone to look after their other children, and is able to easily have time off work. The level of ignorance (from some schools) is breathtaking.

@KihoBebiluPute

Love that you need contacts for when parents are uncontrollable I didn't notice my phone's autoincorrect there!

Unavailable obviously.

'Uncontrollable' was much funnier.

@arethereanyleftatall @Secretroses

Oh yes, my DC schools (primary AND secondary,) used to make it clear it was not optional. If a parent couldn't make it, you would have to make an appointment to see the teacher another time. There was no getting away with it.

My children's primary school was the same. It seemed to be a surprise to them that mothers work. I didn't speak with many of the other mothers at the school but every single one I did know had a job. Most of them had full-time jobs.

I think it's marginally preferable to our primary's usual time of 6pm - at least there's hope of being able to get another mum who doesn't have a child in reception to have yours for a playdate. Getting a babysitter to cover teatime/bathtime/bedtime is even trickier.

Get used to it. Schools are a nightmare and have complete disregard for working parents I’ve found. It’s bizarre

I would now I'm WFH, but when I was office based no, I couldn't. As PP have said though, this is unfortunately the way primary school works. Ours were good in that they did send a calendar book out at the start of each term with all the school events for the term in it, Easter bonnet parade, Mother's Day tea, parents evening, sports day, nativity, etc etc.

I used to set up a spreadsheet with all the dates that needed covering and DH and I would split them up between us. When I had 2 DC in primary it used to mean booking c. a weeks leave from work for each of us, split into various half days. I used to have to buy extra leave from work to do it. Much better now I have one in secondary and primary are still now allowing parents on site.

A week's notice IS generous by primary school standards! Don't worry about it if you can't attend, it will be the first of many.

still not

I could go because DH and I both WFH. But the no children rule will make it difficult for a lot of people. When our school do anything like this the kids potter around at the other side of the hall playing with duplo and stuff.

Sadly this is how schools work, last minute arrangements and expecting parents to be able to attend. Soon you will experience the last minute non uniform days, or dress up as xxxxxxx days, when they expect you to knock up a fancy costume over night 🤣.