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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be able to attend this with one weeks notice?

216 replies

HungryHippo11 · 14/09/2021 07:01

My daughter started reception last week. On Wednesday we had a letter telling us about a "meet the teacher" event this Wednesday at 4.30pm. Children are not allowed to come.

AIBU to think many parents will struggle to attend this meeting? My husband is going to have to work from home and just put the kids in front of the telly so that I can go. Other friends of mine are working, even if one parent isn't they can't go because they wouldn't have childcare.

Just wondering whether you would be able to make it with this short notice.
YABU - I could easily attend
YANBU - they should have given more notice or done it in the evening

OP posts:
PieMistee · 14/09/2021 08:11

Ours went to two different schools. That was fun.

SaturdaySpread · 14/09/2021 08:12

What puzzles me about these things is that teachers can never go to them for their own DC, so you'd think they'd "get it".

My personal suspicion is that one of the OFSTED boxes has something about involving parents, so they put these events on, but they don't actually want too many people turning up.

TheViewFromTheCheapSeats · 14/09/2021 08:12

Just don’t go.it won’t be that insightful, just offer to either be available another time should they wish to see you or send a note home of any information they hand out.
I worked and I couldn’t get to a lot (I was a teacher, no flexibility), it was fine.

SleepingStandingUp · 14/09/2021 08:12

I don't work but would struggle as childcare for the school age one PLUS toddler twins is not easy to secure

MiddleParking · 14/09/2021 08:12

boast about how busy they are.

Because they’re at work at half four on a Wednesday? That sounds like insecurity on your part rather than a reflection of any actual boasting Hmm

DressBitch · 14/09/2021 08:13

I could, but only because my current boss is great dvd completely understands. Previous jobs it wouldn't have been so easy.

My son has just started year 1, so I appreciate its not been "normal" but we've not had anything like this. No meetings or events. I spoke to his teacher twice last year.

HeartShapedBalloon · 14/09/2021 08:14

I couldn't. Work rota is done 3 weeks in advance and no one else to have the kids if I had enough notice anyway.

EverybodyIsInteresting · 14/09/2021 08:15

I've not voted because for me both options are valid answers.

Original poster
HungryHippo11 · 14/09/2021 08:15

If it was at 7pm you'd be whinging about getting babysitters.
Well no I wouldn't because my husband would have finished work by then so could easily look after the children, as would be the case for the majority of people except single parents. And even in the case of single parents they're more likely to have a friend or neighbour who could babysit at 7pm than during the work day

OP posts:
Cactuslockdown · 14/09/2021 08:15

I could go, but I think honk they should give more notice. I agree with others, this is how
Primary school is unfortunately… and just when you think you’ve got organised they change things last minute! So frustrating

TheTurn0fTheScrew · 14/09/2021 08:15

I take issue with the "schools can't win" type of posts. It's not the events or the frequency that's a problem, nor the time of day - it's the very short notice.

I work part-time, 15 mins drive from school, have a degree of control over my own diary, and the world's most understanding boss. With four weeks' notice I can attend almost anything. But with three days notice - looking at you, high school start of year 10 assembly that happens every year - it's not reasonable that I cancel diary commitments. The older your children get the more you realise lots of things happen annually, and I don't think it's a massive ask to produce a half-termly calendar for the class web page.

Macncheeseballs · 14/09/2021 08:15

Not every one works, and not every one works inflexible hours, some people work from home, and can easily spare an hour or two, some people have more flexible lives

TheViewFromTheCheapSeats · 14/09/2021 08:15

Regarding the people saying that teachers should get this- it’s not all teachers. It’s a minority. I never said 1:1 meets were child free, if we needed to talk privately I’d send them to the book corner. For whole class things like phonics evenings I’d be clear that I’d put videos online/ send home handouts for parents that couldn’t come and it wasn’t compulsory. I wasn’t though ever a big fan of doing things beyond what I was forced to- I had my own children to see!

Wrinklyeyes · 14/09/2021 08:16

Our primary school used to do this in September each year - meet the teacher events for each year group. It came as a bit of surprise when my eldest started in Reception but I soon cottoned on that every year there would be these events happening in September for classes for both my children. Sometimes year groups one year apart would happen at the same time so if you had children in say Year 1 and Year 2 it would be impossible to attend both.

I found that the Reception and Year 1 sessions would be packed and then it would tail off to a handful of parents by Year 6.

listsandbudgets · 14/09/2021 08:17

Yes but only because we're self employed and can work round these things. If I was in a 9 to 5 job it would be a nightmare.

DS's school had a meeting at 2.45pm the other day but the good news was that they did it by Zoom which meant we didn't have to go anywhere. Lots of parents managed to tune in but it was still impossible for some.

As an extreme example, DS has a boy in his class whose mum is a heart surgeon - she could hardly down tools half way through an operation for a class meeting.. but the same applies to so many others in all sorts of jobs - imagine the till assistant telling you she'll be back in half an hour or a security guard taking their eye off the job for a bit.. However, they also recorded the zoom meeting for those that couldn't make it. Hopefully, more schools will start moving to this method.

SaturdaySpread · 14/09/2021 08:18

I agree it was the very short notice that caused issue for me. I generally can organise my own diary and work flexibly, so I'm lucky that if I know in advance, I can keep an afternoon free for a school event. Much harder to change things to be free at short notice though.

DeepaBeesKit · 14/09/2021 08:19

I know people will claim it's a nightmare for single parents but I still think evenings are easiest for this stuff. More children live with two parents than live with one, plus some single parents will have family/friends/neighbours who can babysit, or will be able to afford to pay one, so you exclude the smallest number of parents by holding it in the evening.

SaturdaySpread · 14/09/2021 08:21

Schools often say no siblings but there will always be some people who take them.

StoneofDestiny · 14/09/2021 08:21

I remember child being sent home with a piece of material with instructions for me to embroider it for a display in a couple of weeks! The assumption I could embroider took my breath away. Full time job - would have taken me days to even get to the shops to buy threads.

Original poster
HungryHippo11 · 14/09/2021 08:22

@Ligglepiggle

I could have made the time but not been child free - surely they could offer free after school club etc if they want you in without the kids. I find things like this always exclude single parents, our PTA are crying out for new members, meetings are in a pub at 8pm! Confused
But when could they do it? During the school day excludes working parents. In the evening excludes single parents. No chance for single, working parents!
OP posts:
Droite · 14/09/2021 08:23

@insancerre

They have to offer these types of events They are not bothered if you go or not They won’t think any less if you if you don’t go The teachers are unable to go for their own children, so they understand
It's not a question of whether they understand or are bothered. As a parent you may well want to attend, but at that time and with such short notice it may not be possible.
Cuddlyrottweiler · 14/09/2021 08:23

Practically, yes. Even if DH was working I have a lot of family I could ask to have DS for a couple of hours.
But I'd find it really difficult having last minute events thrust on me, I need time to mentally prepare for things, I'd manage but I'd be very anxious.
A weeks notice is ridiculous.

RubyFowler · 14/09/2021 08:25

Honestly, the best thing you can do is only attend things that you feel are important, so for me it's sports day and the nativity.
The other stuff is really just box ticking on the schools part and they don't really care if you're there or not, neither will your child.
I've taken half days in the past to go to these things and although quite nice, definitely not essential.
You just have to let yourself off the hook as a working parent.

ElephantOfRisk · 14/09/2021 08:25

I once set the office into confusion when I couldn't just quickly pop round with DSs pe stuff. No, I'm at work seemed to cause confusion. And the then request for me to contact whoever else was at home and ask them to do it instead was also a no, because funnily enough DH was also at work.

Now obviously if DS was taken ill, one of us could have been there in 15 minutes or a friend would have collected him and taken him to her house but, he's 5 he can do pe in his shorts and poloshirt he's already wearing!

DahliaMacNamara · 14/09/2021 08:25

Honestly, just let go of any guilt already. Schools can't win, and neither can parents. I spent years on the PTA trying to suit everyone with social events, and as a governor figuring out a strategy for parental engagement in an area where people are overwhelmingly employed in jobs that are not 9 to 5, with little flexibility and non-existent WFH. The school might not know your personal work itinerary, but they have a good idea of the employment profile of their parent body.
As others have said, focus on the big events and performances where you can. Nobody can make it to everything, not even the one-child SAHP with a WFH partner 3 doors down from the school.

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