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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be able to attend this with one weeks notice?

216 replies

HungryHippo11 · 14/09/2021 07:01

My daughter started reception last week. On Wednesday we had a letter telling us about a "meet the teacher" event this Wednesday at 4.30pm. Children are not allowed to come.

AIBU to think many parents will struggle to attend this meeting? My husband is going to have to work from home and just put the kids in front of the telly so that I can go. Other friends of mine are working, even if one parent isn't they can't go because they wouldn't have childcare.

Just wondering whether you would be able to make it with this short notice.
YABU - I could easily attend
YANBU - they should have given more notice or done it in the evening

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 14/09/2021 07:50

I could attend but I have a very understanding manager and my husband wfh and I have PIL who are very close and would happily look after the children.

ineedsun · 14/09/2021 07:51

@arethereanyleftatall

I really hate the comments like 'do they think we have nothing else to do?'

Stop being silly. Seriously. It's annoying. Of course they don't think that. But what else can they do? They have to put on these events, (ofsted, other parents complaining that they haven't met the teacher). They can't do it in the evening (bed time, single parents can't attend, not fair on teachers). They can't have kids there (too many ruin it for people to actually listen).

What do you actually think teachers can do??

Offer options of times. Offer online options. Allow kids to attend.

It’s not hard, it’s just not the traditional way of doing things.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 14/09/2021 07:51

There is definitely an assumption that every child has a parent sitting at home all day.

When DS's school called to say he wasn't well and needed to be picked up, they were horrified to learn that it would take me 50 minutes to get there from work. They managed to do cat's bum face and sadface at the same time when I got there, and strongly suggested I should have got some neighbour to pick him up instead. Apparently my neighbours are also sitting at home waiting to leap into action.

Quisto · 14/09/2021 07:51

I could physically attend, but I wouldn't have any childcare even with more notice. My son's Junior school usually has a film on in the hall and a teacher supervising for parents evening, which you can drop your child to and collect when you're finished.

PurBal · 14/09/2021 07:53

@shouldistop

I could attend but that's only because I'm on maternity leave and dh finishes work at 4pm and he's wfh.
Same situation here. If I was working my employer is flexible and I would be able to get the time off but I know DH and I are fortunate in our jobs in that regard.
NewPapaGuinea · 14/09/2021 07:54

They’d be better off organising these first thing or just before end of school day. Another teacher can cover the class for 20 minutes whilst the class teacher does the meeting. It doesn’t completely solve the problem, but for those that do drop offs/pick ups makes it far easier than having to organise childcare and go back out. For those that drop off their children before work they could organise with work they’ll be 20-30 minutes late. Again won’t work for everyone, but better than current system.

The current system is not much more than a box ticking exercise to appease OFSTED.

NotSorry · 14/09/2021 07:54

Check now when World Book Day is otherwise you'll have 48 hours notice to produce a costume from their favourite book - don't say I didn't warn you!

simbobs · 14/09/2021 07:54

I could not have attended anything like that if DC were not allowed to be there. I live nowhere near any family, and all friends I had made at the time had DC of the same age at the same school. DH was never, ever home at that time of day and often abroad. It sounds like a pointless meeting, too.

Enwi · 14/09/2021 07:56

Gosh no I’d really struggle. I’m self employed so with notice would have been able to sort it fine but there’s no way I could let clients down with one weeks notice. I’d be feeling let down too x

Ragwort · 14/09/2021 07:57

Yes I would have been able to attend, I was a SAHM with an only DC ... but those events are utterly tedious - even worse is the 'have a school lunch' event .... it's not mandatory and honestly, it doesn't matter of you attend or not - my DS is 20 now and whether DH or I went to school events or not has had no effect on his education. Don't feel guilt tripped into attending and don't event think about it if you can't go.

Seesawmummadaw · 14/09/2021 07:58

My dc were always the poor children with the mother that never turned up to these things.

JADS · 14/09/2021 07:58

I live in an area where there are two primary schools. My ds is at the unpopular good one as opposed to the Ofsted excellent one. His school has an organised Google calendar and do very few of these types of things. The Ofsted excellent one is forever doing this and parents moan all the time.

It's about an Ofsted tick.

If you don't go, the slide pack is available online.

It doesn’t matter. If the school is decent, you will get to meet the teacher at the school gate and they will flag issues.

Doorhandleghost · 14/09/2021 08:02

Is this your first child at school? If so get used to it, this is the tip of the iceberg. Best ones are the last minute 6pm “it’s international
Postbox day tomorrow, please send you child in dressed as a postbox from round the world”.

I’m a governor at my local school and this is something that comes up time and time again from parents. Every year the staff say oh yes we’re fixing this, have they heck.

stoneysongs · 14/09/2021 08:03

Our DC's primary school used to do this and then send out shitty letters complaining about the poor turnout and how disappointed they were to discover that this year's parents are not interested in their children's futures. Drove me mad.

Those saying it's not their fault, they're only doing it because Ofsted says they have to - presumably Ofsted is hoping that the schools will facilitate parents actually attending, otherwise what's the point?

In answer to What do you actually think teachers can do??

Holding it straight after pick up on two or three afternoons, with someone on hand to supervise the kids in the playground would give parents more chance of making it. Could be in person and live online for those in work, with questions welcome in the chat. Plus a recording of the online version made available for some to watch later. It's not that difficult to make it available to everyone if you really want to.

TillyTopper · 14/09/2021 08:04

Honestly there will be loads of this over the time of your kids schooling. I just used to not do it or ask to do it by phone if not convenient. Don't beat yourself up about it.

KaptainKaveman · 14/09/2021 08:04

There are many reasons why the parent of a child new to reception might want to meet the child's teacher to personally discuss things. Many parents might actually prefer this to emailing etc. That's why these evenings take place. But as usual on mumsnet it's merely an opportunity for people to slag teachers/schools off, imply they've 'nothing better to do' and boast about how busy they are.

If it was at 7pm you'd be whinging about getting babysitters. Hmm.

Just don't bloody go, OP.

If the school refused to see parents personally and insisted on email/phone contact only you'd be furious about that too.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 14/09/2021 08:05

But as usual on mumsnet it's merely an opportunity for people to slag teachers/schools off, imply they've 'nothing better to do' and boast about how busy they are.

You.
Are.
Not.
Listening.

Severntrent · 14/09/2021 08:06

Welcome to primary school. It is an endless round of things that working parents struggle to get to.
This

Original poster
HungryHippo11 · 14/09/2021 08:08

@DomPom47

These meet fins are pretty common for start of the year. Could you ask the teacher whether you could do it via phone call or through zoom?
Thanks for the suggestion, I think they are putting the presentations on the website for those who can't attend. I can on this occasion but DH will have to supervise 2 kids while WFH
OP posts:
Whinge · 14/09/2021 08:08

There are many reasons why the parent of a child new to reception might want to meet the child's teacher to personally discuss things.

But that's not the purpose of these events. It's just a generic here's the classroom, i'm your chid's teacher, this is a rough timetable of our school day etc. If you need to discuss things in person with your child's class teacher then it's better to email or arrange a time to speak to them. This isn't the time to discuss specifics with the class teacher.

DeepaBeesKit · 14/09/2021 08:08

My childs school do a curriculum meeting at 2.30pm in the afternoon. This is after having had two weeks of half days, so I'm clean out of annual leave.

Primary schools are the WORST offenders for refusing to accept that most families don't have a SAHM any more. There's only 5 parents in the class who can go and 2 of those its because they are able to flex hours rather than because they are SAHP.

insancerre · 14/09/2021 08:10

They have to offer these types of events
They are not bothered if you go or not
They won’t think any less if you if you don’t go
The teachers are unable to go for their own children, so they understand

Elephantsparade · 14/09/2021 08:11

No i wouldnt have been able too.

But i can see that its hard to organise things that fit everyone and do you not organise something because some people cant come if others find it useful. A stay at home parent might really struggle with the evening, a working parent with the school day, a single parent with any time! More notice would help but going forward you will start to spot a rythmn and anticpate things and you will work out whether its useful to go or not.

DartmoorDoughnut · 14/09/2021 08:11

I might be able to but it would be a rush to find after school child care

Ligglepiggle · 14/09/2021 08:11

I could have made the time but not been child free - surely they could offer free after school club etc if they want you in without the kids.
I find things like this always exclude single parents, our PTA are crying out for new members, meetings are in a pub at 8pm! Confused