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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be able to attend this with one weeks notice?

216 replies

HungryHippo11 · 14/09/2021 07:01

My daughter started reception last week. On Wednesday we had a letter telling us about a "meet the teacher" event this Wednesday at 4.30pm. Children are not allowed to come.

AIBU to think many parents will struggle to attend this meeting? My husband is going to have to work from home and just put the kids in front of the telly so that I can go. Other friends of mine are working, even if one parent isn't they can't go because they wouldn't have childcare.

Just wondering whether you would be able to make it with this short notice.
YABU - I could easily attend
YANBU - they should have given more notice or done it in the evening

OP posts:
cloudyrain · 14/09/2021 10:09

Don't expect it to change, my DC are now all in their 20s and this is how it was when they were in primary, but even more disorganised because all notifications were by notes in the book bags or signs on the door (not much use when you don't do drop off/pick up). The only 'bonus' I had was that as I had childcare I could go alone during the day.
I was told I couldn't have a copy of the 'How to help your child with Y.. booklet' as I hadn't been to the session.
The teacher was quite off with me about my DC maths as I hadn't attended the parent session on hour to do maths. Yes I know it was different to when I was at school but I have A level maths and DH has a maths related degree it wasn't exactly a stretch to work out what they needed to learn. And all DC seem to have coped as their GCSE and A level results prove.

I got quite good at the rustle up ingredients, fancy dress/coloured clothing and other random things between 6pm when I got in from work and 8am the next morning. Plus my DC soon learnt it was taking part that counted not looking like perfect.

billy1966 · 14/09/2021 10:14

In my experience primary school was very poor for these sudden early collections, half days, days off.

It used to drive the parents mad.

Very poor.

Considering 90%of the parents were working I don't know why there wasn't more uproar.

MajorCarolDanvers · 14/09/2021 10:17

Ridiculous notice. Especially the no children bit.

I might be able to attend but would depend on what meetings were in my diary and what day of the week as to whether I would have childcare.

MajorCarolDanvers · 14/09/2021 10:20

@arethereanyleftatall

I really hate the comments like 'do they think we have nothing else to do?'

Stop being silly. Seriously. It's annoying. Of course they don't think that. But what else can they do? They have to put on these events, (ofsted, other parents complaining that they haven't met the teacher). They can't do it in the evening (bed time, single parents can't attend, not fair on teachers). They can't have kids there (too many ruin it for people to actually listen).

What do you actually think teachers can do??

They could give people sufficient notice so they can make arrangements to attend,get time off, get childcare etc
Bunnycat101 · 14/09/2021 10:22

“A doodle pollfor every single thing that happens at primary school, is possibly the stupidest suggestion I've ever seen on here.”

I didn’t say every single event but if schools want parents to make an event, it might be worth checking if parents can actually make it otherwise it’s a waste of time. It would also make sense to ask whether parents are working etc.

mrsm43s · 14/09/2021 10:25

Absolutely normal and right for school events to be arranged in and around the school day. As others have already said, you don't have to attend if its not convenient for you.

Regarding notice, one week is short. However, are you sure that there isn't a school calendar on the school website? At our children's primary school, whilst the individual event reminder letters were only issued a week or so before the event, the calendar that showed the dates and times of various events throughout the year was updated well in advance - in fact most events were loaded onto the calendar for the whole academic year by the last day of the preceding summer term. So you would have plenty of advance of the dates and times that things would happen. Many parents would fail to look at the calendar and then complain about "short notice" of an event that had been listed for nearly a year when they got the reminder letter. It is absolutely necessary for parents to take responsibility to check the school website and keep up to date with what is in the school calendar.

RubyFowler · 14/09/2021 10:31

@Anycrispsleft

When exactly would you like them to hold their celebration assembly? Open day? Coffee morning etc? family craft session etc?

...never?

I'm keen on one to one discussions of the kids' progress, but if they want to e.g. give us tips on how to help with homework, I would much rather do that by zoom or just get an email. And as for the social stuff... I wouldn't mind maybe one or two assemblies a year where the kids get to perform. But all the rest of it could go in the bin for me. It just sets the kids up for disappointment if their parents can't make it, and socialising with people I only know through the kids is just work to me, basically.

Agree 100% and I reckon most teachers would rather not do this stuff either.
Original poster
HungryHippo11 · 14/09/2021 11:18

@arethereanyleftatall

Regarding the short notice.

This is September and reception, so parents are new to the school.

This is the one time when short notice is understandable isn't it?

Sort of but we have known since April that our child is going there, we had a new starters presentation in June and induction days in July so its not like they couldn't have contacted us with the expected date and time before the Summer and then sorted out the details nearer the time
OP posts:
PennyWus · 14/09/2021 11:40

Our infants school was like this; you'd think, having had six weeks summer holiday and the school having been in existence for over 50 years, they could have anticipated events in the calendar and appreciated parents might like some notice.

But no. It persisted throughout our time there and we wanted to engage with the teachers, despite working full time, we wanted to clear calendars to attend school events but it is SO HARD when they give less than a week's notice.

Things improved at junior school, different HT who was very organised, proving it is very do-able.

bunglebee · 14/09/2021 11:41

Primary schools really do seem to think every child has a SAHP, by which they of course mean a SAHM. I vividly remember going in for an intro school session and mentioning to the teacher that we were hoping to find another family from among the other parents to share our nanny with. She said airily that she would mention it, but she didn't think that any of the other parents would be needing childcare, would they?

Bookworm20 · 14/09/2021 12:09

Yes, I'm used to it now, but hate it. There are sooooo many things during the school day you are expected to attend, but dates for them given the week before. Occasionally if we're lucky we might get 2 weeks notice.
I work full time, have a pretty flexible boss, but cannot re-arrange a meeting the week before so I can attend the mothers day lunch. And so my DC have gone through primary and not once have I been able to attend that bloody lunch. Or the other 15 things sprung upon us at short notice.
I understand they have to do these things to include parents. But its the same parents who go every time. The stay at home mums. Thats it. Every other parent who works, cannot make it at short notice.
And the school just think these parents are the most dedicated and the rest of us don't give a shit. Not true. Feel guilty every single time my kid is yet again the one with no parent there.
its hell

Heatherjayne1972 · 14/09/2021 12:22

Welcome to primary school op
They assume that one parent is always available to come in at 2.30 for assembly/meet the teacher/collect sick child/etc etc. Although parents evening is usually 3.30 -6pm ish.

It’s how primary schools work

SylvanasWindrunner · 14/09/2021 12:23

Yes but I am self-employed and my husband works flexitime. My mum would have definitely struggled to make that when I was a kid.

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/09/2021 13:27

Yes I could be there as I work nights and do so that I’m around daytime

But the no children there I would struggle as need childcare

3/4 gp sadly dead and 4th away this week but he has his own life as well

With notice not a problem but a day or two no

Dh owns own business but still would struggle to drop jobs with a days notice

Greenbather · 14/09/2021 13:40

One of my friends with 4 kids well spread out spent 20 years "at" primary school (well it felt like that for her).

She deserves a medal, high school years are much better so something to look forward to.

BlueMoons90 · 14/09/2021 13:43

I would be able to attend, but I know a lot of parents who wouldn't be able to because of work, childcare etc. I have noticed since DS has started primary school there is a lot of 'last minute' things required of us.

stayathomer · 14/09/2021 13:46

Welcome to primary school op
They assume that one parent is always available to come in at 2.30 for assembly/meet the teacher/collect sick child/etc etc. Although parents evening is usually 3.30 -6pm ish.

It’s how primary schools work
But where do they think the child they teach will be?!

Serendipity79 · 14/09/2021 14:00

Fairly typical for primary schools unfortunately. this morning we were given 20 mins notice of a PTFA mtg taking place at 10am. as a full time working and single parent, I find most things hard to get to so I'm going back to prioritising plays/nativity and any thing where my two primary age kids are performing. Any thing else can be done via Zoom/phone/at the door after class

I do think schools will struggle to keep everyone happy as there is no magic one size fits all fix - but the short notice is definitely something that I find irritating

PattyPan · 14/09/2021 14:41

I voted yanbu although my work is flexible enough that I would be able to go, they should make things like that in the evening or give more notice especially if you need to get childcare.

Comefromaway · 14/09/2021 14:54

The school my children went to published the dates of these events at the start of the summer holidays eg July so parents could at least try and arrange childcare or work. They also ran an informal creche for school aged children and allowed pre-school younger siblings.

Comedycook · 14/09/2021 15:00

I think the real difficulty is saying kids can't come. You could be a sahm but still unable to attend if you have no one available to look after your child.

gogohm · 14/09/2021 15:05

Yes but because I only worked pt (still do) and both exh and now dp are senior enough to skip off early at will for important reasons. That said exh never did so kids would sit in the playground supervised by another mum (in same position) and we would swop over for parents evenings. Never had meet them teacher sessions

Larryyourwaiter · 14/09/2021 15:37

Most of the parents at DDs school didn’t work. When sent things like this they would just turn up with all of their kids, both parents and grandparents. I’d be lucky enough that DD would be in a local nursery after school club.

Even though things were generally done at the same time every year school would only give one weeks notice every time. There would be periods of time when the school website might be filled in with dates but never lasted. You got wise by the later years.

I had a massive row with them as the Christmas show was in the evening in year 5/6. Letter was sent 6 days before for DD to attend to 2 evening performances in the choir. Unfortunately for them DD was doing something else which had been planned and rehearsed for 3 months. They tried to make out it was mandatory (it wasn’t) and i explained about their lack of organisation wasn’t my problem (and picking her for just the choir again).

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/09/2021 15:54

Yes but it’s par for the course I’m afraid

Xenia · 14/09/2021 15:57

One reason I paid school fees! Parent is king, dates are circulated months in advance. Often both parents work full time.