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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be able to attend this with one weeks notice?

216 replies

HungryHippo11 · 14/09/2021 07:01

My daughter started reception last week. On Wednesday we had a letter telling us about a "meet the teacher" event this Wednesday at 4.30pm. Children are not allowed to come.

AIBU to think many parents will struggle to attend this meeting? My husband is going to have to work from home and just put the kids in front of the telly so that I can go. Other friends of mine are working, even if one parent isn't they can't go because they wouldn't have childcare.

Just wondering whether you would be able to make it with this short notice.
YABU - I could easily attend
YANBU - they should have given more notice or done it in the evening

OP posts:
notacooldad · 14/09/2021 07:29

I cod do it if it was this week or next Wednesday.
Sometimes it's easy for me to nip out of work, especially in the mornings. I have a good manager who would cover for meif she was working on a particular day. Somedays it would be impossible if I was on training until 5 o'clock or if a CiN meeting was in progress.
So not a definite YABU or YANBU. More of a depends.
However one thing I have learned now that the primary years are behind me is that it doesn't matter if you dont go to everything. If I had my time again I would not tie myself in knots to go to every assembly or meet the teacher etc. I'd be more selective.
The primary years are tough both time wise and always asking for " donations"

Kljnmw3459 · 14/09/2021 07:30

I used to miss all my DC's events because of work.the guilt was awful. It's better now that I'm WFH but I still can't go to everything and yes the notice periods are usually very short.

Hathertonhariden · 14/09/2021 07:31

Primary schools believe everyone apart from themselves lives in the 1950s. They can get very arsey if you can't provide the name of someone who is always available to pick up a child immediately. I've had to explain that there is no way a neighbour can say to their own boss that they need to leave work immediately to pick up someone else's child - something that was suggested when I couldn't get to school for an hour.

Littlescottiedog · 14/09/2021 07:32

It's not teachers' faults! There are working hours (1265 in a year) and if you turned every event parents could attend into an evening then schools would very be looking to give teachers TOIL or actually start giving overtime. Teachers aren't out to get all working parents - speak to the head who made the decision!

A school is like a GP surgery or hospital clinic is this respect. There are certain office hours and appointments are made in these times. Sorry, but that's what happens. Teachers can't attend these things either. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Backtomyoldname · 14/09/2021 07:32

Whenever it’s done, how it’s done will suit some and inconvenience others.

I couldn’t have made this meeting when my children were this age - as I was a teacher and getting time off for this sort of thing was well nigh impossible.

Whilst we as parents on here are generally only considering our 10 minute slot its more of a problem for the teacher/school.

A10 min slot soon becomes 15 mins when finding the room, sitting down, farewells etc are included.

30 x 15 mins = 450 mins = 7.5 hours. A days work has to be squeezed in somehow.

Whilst evenings suit most how many would be happy working a 6 day week but being paid for 5?

I was ok working a few evenings/year but not that many.

LawnFever · 14/09/2021 07:33

@Getawaywithit

Teachers are also people with lives, partners, children, childcare, and caring responsibilities. We also need to be places and arrange for others to sort childcare outside of our normal working hours.
Well yeah, so if someone asked a teacher to attend a meeting somewhere non work related at 3.30pm when they’re working they wouldn’t be able to do it either would they? Confused
DanceToTheMusicInMyHead · 14/09/2021 07:35

Our school does this all the time. Letter on a Monday- We are planning a trip to the local library on Friday. These visits are vital for your children's future success. Due to the logistics of walking 30 4 and 5 year old children 1 mile each way along a busy A road this trip cannot go ahead without half of parents helping out. Please let us know by 9am tomorrow if you can accompany us. We have put a lot of effort into planning this trip for many months, and without your support children will be crushed on the road or will be illiterate.

I paraphrase Grin

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 14/09/2021 07:35

They could, however, allow children to come. Of course parents can’t come if they can’t bring the children - what are they supposed to do with them?
Our school always has children at these events.

lljkk · 14/09/2021 07:36

A lot of things at schools happen with last minute planning.
I don't think their Terms of Service are unreasonable.
They may offer ZOOM MtT event at another time that suits you better.

BeyondMyWits · 14/09/2021 07:36

Nope, not at that notice. And it doesn't change.... Dh is taking next Thursday off... Dd19 has been allocated 12.30-15.30 to move into her uni halls.... on a Thursday... Yes she could do it herself... a taxi, 2 trains and another taxi with all her stuff... or Dh can drive and drop.

Original poster
HungryHippo11 · 14/09/2021 07:36

@Briony123

When our children were younger they would all be pottering in the classroom/play area while the parents were sitting on tiny chairs listening attentively to their teacher. This was max 5 years ago. Check with school that the children will be allowed to play on the carpet.
The letter clearly says only one parent and no children to attend
OP posts:
SquirryTheSquirrel · 14/09/2021 07:36

I couldn't guarantee it at that short notice and I don't even have children! It would depend whether I could negotiate an early finish at work.

GremlinDolphin4 · 14/09/2021 07:39

Welcome to primary school! I loved my dcs school but they did things like this too. They generally have no grasp of the concept that parents have anything else to do but be at the schools beck and call!

maddening · 14/09/2021 07:39

We are both wfh and I have dynamic working flexibility even when in office so could do it.

Our meet the teacher was by zoom last night so I attended from my home office while finishing off some emails.

Shitfuckcommaetc · 14/09/2021 07:39

They're not doing it to spite working parents. It's really not compulsory to go to these meetings!
Ofsted requirements mean they have to do things like this, and you'll never please everyone.
Also I hate the "should hold it in the evening after everyone's finished work" by that time the teacher has finished work too!! They don't get overtime!

Theredjellybean · 14/09/2021 07:40

I echo what a pp said... Now those years are well behind me, I recognise the futility of the working parent guilt.
Just don't go, it really is a ridiculous idea.
You will get five minutes of Mrs whoever telling you about herself and the you'll see the classroom.
I literally cannot recall a single thing about any of my childrens teachers... And surely you get to say hello to them at drop off /pick up.
If your child has a problem or issue then you go and speak to them otherwise leave 'em to it.
All those tediously boring things I used to tie myself up in knots to get too... Time I'll never get back,
Interestingly I used to ask dexh if he could cover some of them.. He used to look faintly perplexed and say "err no I'm at work while kids at school"... No guilt, no juggling.
I'd guess most men would just not give two hoots either... Why is it women carry the guilt about these ridiculous things

tiramisualwaystiramisu · 14/09/2021 07:40

One of the reasons I liked the school DC go to is that all parent meetings are held twice - once straight after school and once in the evenings for working parents. They are better at giving notice than this though

DomPom47 · 14/09/2021 07:40

These meet fins are pretty common for start of the year. Could you ask the teacher whether you could do it via phone call or through zoom?

Original poster
HungryHippo11 · 14/09/2021 07:41

@Getawaywithit

Teachers are also people with lives, partners, children, childcare, and caring responsibilities. We also need to be places and arrange for others to sort childcare outside of our normal working hours.
Presumably this is directed time for the teachers. Also wouldn't you expect to be at school late that 4.30pm anyway - I never left before 5 when I was teaching.
OP posts:
Frannibananni · 14/09/2021 07:41

I could attend because that’s outside my working hours, but would have to bring 3 kids. So I wouldn’t be going.

Whinge · 14/09/2021 07:44

@arethereanyleftatall

I could, I'm a sahp and I'd just have a friend to have my dc.

But, really, apart from give more notice, what can schools actually do? Every possible option they have - someone would complain about.

So, best way to get around it. Is to remember it's not mandatory. Go if you can, don't worry if you can't.

Judging from the replies on this thread, even just allowing children to attend would help a lot of people. Obviously there will always be someone who complains or can't attend no matter when or how they run these sort of events. However, excluding children is an odd decision, and will be a barrier to many parents / carers.
SpiderinaWingMirror · 14/09/2021 07:46

Tbh, in my experience, unless it is something with your child actually in, I wouldn't bother.

GrandmaSteglitszch · 14/09/2021 07:47

I'd just not go. It doesn't sound vital.

Banani · 14/09/2021 07:48

If I didn’t have any meetings etc in the work diary then I could as fortunately my work are flexible for that sort of thing. Primary age child would be in after school club and youngest would be in nursery. They still should give more notice, though I do understand the timing, evening might be better for many parents, but not for teachers who’ve been in all day. Our school have started recording things like curriculum meetings to help accommodate.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 14/09/2021 07:48

I couldn't go if children aren't allowed to attend as I'm a single parent and don't know anyone who wouldn't be at work at that time.