To feel annoyed when people brag about not having kids

[Ellerehj]

I see it so much on social media and I work with younger people who are very anti children. I completely respect people's decision to not have children. But I feel like they speak about people with kids like we're trapped it stuck with these awful little life suckers? When I don't feel like that at all.
AIBU to think it's really rude

rude both ways - those who dont have dc "you're trapped with messy little people" those with "you'll never know the love a child has for its mother"

To be honest, my colleagues with kids talk about it like they're trapped and stuck with these awful life suckers...

I do have colleagues who don't want kids and whilst they express it in a forthright way, it's clear that it's their perception of what parenthood would feel like to them.

If anything, I find that it happens way more the other way around. I've lost count of the number of times a colleague has asked if I have kids (I'm infertile but nobody knows there), only to make sympathetic or sad noises when I say no, or (worse) tell off their childless colleagues when they say they're tired.

I guess you notice things more from your own perspective though. Your workplace sounds a bit brutal!

I find it's far more often the other way round.

Most posts on here where people talk about child free friends they seem to always suggest that the child free friend must be jealous/bitter/barren/shallow.

I'm none of those things, I just don't want kids.

Happens more the other way round in my experience. Quite a lot of us with children do feel trapped though.

It's just one of those things, isn't it? Some people with kids have great lives, some have shit lives. Some people without kids have great lives, some have shit lives. We are all just people with different lives. I enjoy my life, and that's all that matters. And I hope other people enjoy theirs in whatever way they've chosen.

I find it much ruder when people imply or actually say / ask what is wrong with me , I should want children .

But I agree , whether you do or don't want / have children it is nobody else's business at all

I have seen more rudeness aimed at the childfree by choice. Like, some people make it their business to know why another person does not have kids.

@ShrimpBarbarian

rude both ways - those who dont have dc "you're trapped with messy little people" those with "you'll never know the love a child has for its mother"

Totally agree with this. Or 'you've never felt real love unless you have a child'. Incredibly patronising.

Tbh its just people portraying their own views onto everyone else, and assuming everyone feels the same way. I generally feel a bit for those people anyway because they must have quite small worlds.

I think anything where someone makes unfounded assumptions about you or your life is not nice at all
Whether they are assuming you will like the linen hippy trousers they bougt you because you're vegan, attention seeking because of tattoos, a hard faced driven "career woman" with no soft side (my own bugbear) or any stereotype
It hits extra hard. Or when someone assumes your angry but you're not, that's another one. All these situations

Currently pregnant with my first.

But comments from colleagues with kids I've had over the years:

"Tired?! Wait until you have kids then you'll know tired!"

"You need a break? Try having 3 kids under 7 and then come back and tell me you need a break!"

"Oh I remember spending my weekends partying and sleeping till noon. Not a thing anymore"

"Enjoy these hot drinks whilst you can, once baby comes you'll forget most food and drinks come hot!"

"I've not watched a film till the end since before kids!"

"Trust me, when you have a child free day you'll want to catch up on sleep, not socialise"

Etc, etc, etc.

Parenthood is made out to be the most soul destroying burden thrust upon unsuspecting people. As if theh had no control or say in the matter.

I think its going to get worse in the future and become and us and them situation from what I read on her.

@ElektraAbundance

Currently pregnant with my first.

But comments from colleagues with kids I've had over the years:

"Tired?! Wait until you have kids then you'll know tired!"

"You need a break? Try having 3 kids under 7 and then come back and tell me you need a break!"

"Oh I remember spending my weekends partying and sleeping till noon. Not a thing anymore"

"Enjoy these hot drinks whilst you can, once baby comes you'll forget most food and drinks come hot!"

"I've not watched a film till the end since before kids!"

"Trust me, when you have a child free day you'll want to catch up on sleep, not socialise"

Etc, etc, etc.

Parenthood is made out to be the most soul destroying burden thrust upon unsuspecting people. As if theh had no control or say in the matter.

I have a 17mo and I can confirm these things are rubbish.

Sanctimommies are even more irritating than evangelical child free people.

Said as a childless person.

I don't think it's really rude to be honest.
People choose to have kids. People choose not to have kids. Some people want kids and unfortunately can't. Everyone is going to have a different perception of best case scenario.

If you're offended by what they say I'd suggest there's something that makes you second guess yourself, otherwise there's nothing stopping you from saying how much you love being a parent in response, surely?

I'm afraid I agree with a lot of other posters. As a child free person I get a lot of rudeness and condescension from people who are parents.

When people first meet me and ask if I have children I say that I have dogs. They are my children. When they get to know me I think they see quite how much I love my life and realise I never needed children (I never wanted them) to be happy.

Different people want different things. Some people want kids, others don't. The key is in being happy with the decision you made, IMO.

People who brag about anything are usually not as happy as they are so desperate to portray themselves. Yes, it's rude when it's done in a sneering way, but the problem is theirs really, they can knock themselves out!

You must be kidding. People without children get such grief and hassle all the time.

you never know what’s behind the decision

I don’t think I could bear it

My friend was actually relieved to be getting visibly older because people stopped asking her about her child free status (10 years IVF). Many pro one thought she was just a bit selfish and cold

I’ve never seen anyone brag about childlessness!

@ElektraAbundance oh my god, YES. Heard all of these.

I've had a fair few colleagues say I was so lucky not to have kids and have all that time to myself, too. It's bizarre, like it was a privilege bestowed upon me whereas they were sent some children to look after from the heavens.

I have kids and I would never judge someone for not having them, it's their life. I 100% get the same feelings from childless people as you OP.

What I really hate is people who hate children for no reason 🙈 they seem to think that kids should never be in public places either. It's like they forgot they were kids previously.

I do understand when kids are misbehaving in public but some people are just offended by a child in public even if they aren't doing anything!!

The way most parents present parenthood...
Sorry, but how can someone be surprised someone else feels sorry for parrnts and doesn't eant kids of their own😂
Many PPs, especially @ElektraAbundance, describe the "chats" well

@DwangelaForever childless and childfree are not the same thing.

I think it goes both ways as PP have said. I am delighted I don't have tiny life suckers, personally, but I wouldn't say so in front of friends with children - feels a bit rude of me. Equally, I'd hope friends with children didn't roll out the litany of nonsense childfree people (women) get all the time: I've genuinely been told by a work client no less that I'll "never know real fulfilment until I have a child". Wanted to crow about not having my life ruined by a toddler then, to be honest!

[quote PinkFootstool]@DwangelaForever childless and childfree are not the same thing.[/quote]
🙄