To feel annoyed when people brag about not having kids

[Ellerehj]

I see it so much on social media and I work with younger people who are very anti children. I completely respect people's decision to not have children. But I feel like they speak about people with kids like we're trapped it stuck with these awful little life suckers? When I don't feel like that at all.
AIBU to think it's really rude

Tbf to that "love like no other" bollocks.
They might not be wrong. People (and often animals) are "reprogrammed" to love their offspring. I mean, if there wasn't a physical love reaction to your own child, who would stick up the no sleep, nappies, noise and whatever else negatives. The programming is there to evoke this love so they don't just abandon them. Or eat them.

IYSWIM

I've been called selfish for not having kids before (apparently depriving my parents of grandkids, my parents don't care).

I asked them to explain why they had them without using "I" or "we".

Anyway, being selfish isn't always a ad thing.

🤣🤣 or eat them.

Yes, there is something in that primal need to love and protect your DCs. I think I have felt it towards my younger sibling as well though. I think protecting, younger, more vulnerable children is there before you have DCs.

If you've ever seen Almodovar's movie All About My Mother, which is about motherhood and how it isn't just biological, that really resonated with me before I had DCs. It is not just mothers who give birth are maternal sort of thing.

Who are maternal*

@Annoyedanddissapointed

Tbf to that "love like no other" bollocks. They might not be wrong. People (and often animals) are "reprogrammed" to love their offspring. I mean, if there wasn't a physical love reaction to your own child, who would stick up the no sleep, nappies, noise and whatever else negatives. The programming is there to evoke this love so they don't just abandon them. Or eat them.

IYSWIM

Yup. I have (half jokingly) told my friends who have gushed about the "love like no other" that 'yes that's your hormones, you are evolutionarily set up so your brain has a flood of drug like chemicals to ensure you think your child that looks like a potato is the most beautiful thing in the world so you don't walk away when shit gets tough. That love? Its just evolutionary drugs to ensure you keep replicating. Like a virus'

There is a sort of madness when you have a baby and you do truly think they are the most beautiful baby who ever lived and that everyone is jealous of you having the best baby 😂.

Then as they grow up and you realise they really are among the most beautiful people who ever lived. But I've felt similar love for other people too. Real love is real love imo. The love rush after birth is probably, mainly, hormones. And not everyone gets that either.

I didn't think there was an 'us vs them' but I've been burned by the pandemic - my employer created a policy which essentially threw all of the childless workers under the bus to ensure that parents could halve their working hours with no pay consequences. It turned out that our union had suggested the idea, as a way of demonstrating how family friendly my organisation is. "Family" friendly so often means "parent" friendly only, and everyone else gets hung out to dry.

@AudacityBaby

I didn't think there was an 'us vs them' but I've been burned by the pandemic - my employer created a policy which essentially threw all of the childless workers under the bus to ensure that parents could halve their working hours with no pay consequences. It turned out that our union had suggested the idea, as a way of demonstrating how family friendly my organisation is. "Family" friendly so often means "parent" friendly only, and everyone else gets hung out to dry.

I hope you all can find a new job quickly😑

There is a sort of madness when you have a baby and you do truly think they are the most beautiful baby who ever lived and that everyone is jealous of you having the best baby

The sort of madness that makes people insist that people "meet" the baby and getting very offended if people don't want to . Or offended if they do want to

@AudacityBaby

I didn't think there was an 'us vs them' but I've been burned by the pandemic - my employer created a policy which essentially threw all of the childless workers under the bus to ensure that parents could halve their working hours with no pay consequences. It turned out that our union had suggested the idea, as a way of demonstrating how family friendly my organisation is. "Family" friendly so often means "parent" friendly only, and everyone else gets hung out to dry.

That is appalling. Yes, "family friendly" usually means "fuck those people that don't have kids, they clearly have nothing else to do".

Well certain parents have been making shitty comments to childless/child free forever with impunity. The latter are now starting to answer back in kind - the horror!

t takes a village to raise a child and childfree people are part of that village. We pick up the slack whilst you are on maternity leave, we work during religious holidays so you can be with your children, we work late so that you can pick your children up from school. We cover you so you can care for your sick children who are home from school and we are rarely thanked for it.

Spot on for my experience too @lubyoumaow - in fact I sit and listen to the people going off on second and third maternity leaves in a row that I'm covering for, revelling in their paid time off. Yet complain when I'm promoted faster with 3 extra years of experience in the field. Add into this, cover for the ones who got signed off with stress to look after their own kids in lockdown. If childfree people collectively went on strike, so much stuff would just stop working, including the little darlings precious iPads.

We are part of that village unless we want people to actually parent the kids. Then it's none of our business 😂

Well when people in work say to me time to settle down have kids I say planty of time I'm 38 and struggling to have one 4 miscarriages and 1 cp but don't like to tell people not because I don't want to but because it makes me feel like a failure and less of a woman.
People should really not comment to people who have no kids because they don't know the struggle someone could be going through.
People could say it's a choice not to have kids but deep down it's really not but to embarrassed to admit they can't.

@LukeEvansWife

There is a sort of madness when you have a baby and you do truly think they are the most beautiful baby who ever lived and that everyone is jealous of you having the best baby

The sort of madness that makes people insist that people "meet" the baby and getting very offended if people don't want to . Or offended if they do want to

Yes exactly! That sort of madness. My mum sas when she had my dbro, she looked round the ward and felt sorry for all the other mums, because they were obviously really envious of her having the most beautiful baby 😂.

I love my brother. He is probably my best friend other than DH. I have also seen photos of him as a newborn, (and while I'm one of 'those people' who thinks all babies are beautiful), a prizewinning beauty, he was not

Someone commented on his chicken legs and she still hadn't forgiven them by the time she died about 30 years later.

I'm really sorry for your losses @Babyghirl. That is really true that people shouldn't make assumptions. Sometimes people irl do cover their pain with bravado about fertility or simply don't want to disclose, as it's nobody's business but theirs

When you say you don’t want children, people never just accept that. They start prodding, claiming you’ll change your mind or you’ve not met the right man yet or you’re being selfish. They prod and prod, but when you finally explain your reasoning for not wanting kids, they take it personally and claim you’re insulting their life style.

Also the whole idea that child free people are evil makes me I don’t like being around children but I’ve seen endless comments on here from parents who proudly claim they don’t like any children except from their own. Hardly different

@leftovercoffeecake

When you say you don’t want children, people never just accept that. They start prodding, claiming you’ll change your mind or you’ve not met the right man yet or you’re being selfish. They prod and prod, but when you finally explain your reasoning for not wanting kids, they take it personally and claim you’re insulting their life style.

Also the whole idea that child free people are evil makes me I don’t like being around children but I’ve seen endless comments on here from parents who proudly claim they don’t like any children except from their own. Hardly different

I always say I would be a terrible mother. I don't have the patience, I need alone time etc, and am always told that's a terrible thing to say and that I'd be a brilliant mum. I wouldn't, I'd be shit.

@Hopdathelf

I’m shocked we’re nearly at the end of page 2 and no one has asked what people without children are doing on Mumsnet

I was looking for a relationship forum 8 years ago, and mumsnet was the busiest one with the most responses to topics. I still don't have children but sit on here everyday.

@ConsulTremas

To be honest, both sides need to get the fuck over it. Having no kids isn’t something special and having kids isn’t something special. It’s just two lifestyle choices, neither of which is wrong and neither of which is necessarily better than the other. Live and let live.

This. It is SO BORING to have this conversation either way - whether you're going on about how clever you were to have children or how clever you were to not have them, the actual truth is that you're making yourself sound pretty thick.

Yup. I have (half jokingly) told my friends who have gushed about the "love like no other" that 'yes that's your hormones, you are evolutionarily set up so your brain has a flood of drug like chemicals to ensure you think your child that looks like a potato is the most beautiful thing in the world so you don't walk away when shit gets tough. That love? Its just evolutionary drugs to ensure you keep replicating. Like a virus'

Or like romantic love?

@AudacityBaby I remember your thread about your shite employer. Is that situation still going on? I hope not. Or maybe your union rep has found his/her common sense and understanding of fair employment practices?

@kaycepollard Kids are back at school now so parents have kindly deigned to allow the rest of us to take our leave now. Which is something. I'm still job-hunting though.

Never ever overcome any parent who insisted on that crazy working arrangement @AudacityBaby and maybe also put in for TOIL for all the extra hours you worked and weren’t paid for, when parents were paid and didn’t work.

The pandemic was tough on EVERYONE, but your employer totally took the piss.

do you know how many times my friends have said 'i dont want to sound patronsiing but you wont understand it until you have kids'

honestly - people with kids are worse then those without