To feel annoyed when people brag about not having kids

[Ellerehj]

I see it so much on social media and I work with younger people who are very anti children. I completely respect people's decision to not have children. But I feel like they speak about people with kids like we're trapped it stuck with these awful little life suckers? When I don't feel like that at all.
AIBU to think it's really rude

@LukeEvansWife

It has never occurred to me to want children, even when I was a child I knew I wouldn’t get married/have babies. But the patronising ‘oh you will change your mind’ or ‘you will regret it, I wasn’t bothered til I had little Johnny but it’s made me a whole person’ etc etc made me want to vomit

Exactly.

It's never occurred to me to have children. I've never wanted them. And many people make you out to be a psychopath for it.

@LukeEvansWife

It has never occurred to me to want children, even when I was a child I knew I wouldn’t get married/have babies. But the patronising ‘oh you will change your mind’ or ‘you will regret it, I wasn’t bothered til I had little Johnny but it’s made me a whole person’ etc etc made me want to vomit

Same. Apparently I should have them. I considered it, thought about pros and cons. Decided that it's not for me. Abomination of a womanhood here lol

Who btw, can still read parking threads, threads about travel, DIY, cfood relatrled, relatinship, general bitching, films etc. even though I have not utilised my womb. Surprise, being childfree doesn not make me unable to read

Surprise, being childfree doesn not make me unable to read

Exactly! I met my best friend on here through a mutual interest, I can get involved in AIBU, Litter Tray, and all sorts of random threads

I much prefer my child-free friends than my mum-friends tbh 😂

I love my friends with children, but we all talk about the kids, toileting, school, after school stuff, and other bits but parenting is what we have in common.

My child-free friends pour huge glasses of wine and we chat about everything and I nice not to just be ‘mum’ all the time.

Parents can be so annoying about their kids as well. Just droning on and on.

If they’re being rude about it then that’s not on and you should feel entitled to pull them up on it. It’s not ok if it’s done with the intention of belittling you, it’s no more acceptable than making people who don’t have kids feel uncomfortable either.

I know exactly what you mean OP. There’s a massive thing on TikTok with people boasting about being child-free. People seem to feel the need to announce that they don’t want children now. I didn’t really want them in my early 30s but I didn’t feel the need to announce it to everyone on social media. Obviously being smug about your life choices is annoying both ways

@Constellationstation

I know exactly what you mean OP. There’s a massive thing on TikTok with people boasting about being child-free. People seem to feel the need to announce that they don’t want children now. I didn’t really want them in my early 30s but I didn’t feel the need to announce it to everyone on social media. Obviously being smug about your life choices is annoying both ways

Tbh I think it's great it's getting out there.

Maybe then other women stop treating us like lepers

There’s a massive thing on TikTok with people boasting about being child-free. People seem to feel the need to announce that they don’t want children now.

I'm not on TikTok, but I can't help feeling that a swing in the pendulum away from marginalising/vilifying the childfree is a good thing. The pendulum may temporarily swing too far the other way, as with any reaction against the given norm, but the hope is always that it will settle and we can just accept each other's life choices.

The latest statistics say that 20% of women are childfree/childless by the end of their childbearing years - unfortunately the statistics don't differentiate between -free and -less, which is an important distinction. The percentage has been steadily rising for the last 70 years or so. It will be interesting to see how it progresses.

If people don't want kids that's fine.
But who do these people think will work and pay taxes to pay for their nhs care, state pension etc?
It baffles me that some people are so ignorant of how taxes/social care work.
The post war consensus is well and truly dead.

@SquirryTheSquirrel

There’s a massive thing on TikTok with people boasting about being child-free. People seem to feel the need to announce that they don’t want children now.

I'm not on TikTok, but I can't help feeling that a swing in the pendulum away from marginalising/vilifying the childfree is a good thing. The pendulum may temporarily swing too far the other way, as with any reaction against the given norm, but the hope is always that it will settle and we can just accept each other's life choices.

The latest statistics say that 20% of women are childfree/childless by the end of their childbearing years - unfortunately the statistics don't differentiate between -free and -less, which is an important distinction. The percentage has been steadily rising for the last 70 years or so. It will be interesting to see how it progresses.

Very well said!

@SecretSpAD Out of interest, why do you bother with mumsnet? If you dislike children and don't want children? I get why some people without kids are here - TTC, fertility discussion, step-parenting etc - But honestly before I had a child, this is the last place I would've thought of joining!
Not intending to be rude at all - just genuinely interested

Ooh I got it! Bingo.

None of your business.

You only need to look at Japan and Italy to see what happens when birth rates drop

I dislike children I’m afraid so am delighted not to be burdened with one. I’ve never been maternal towards anything human but love dogs, particularly small ones.

I can’t imagine ever being able to relax with kids around and feel they really would suck all the joy away.

Fed up of “why don’t you want them?”, my reply is now: “why DID you want them?’”

However, it’s tragic when a great person who wants one can’t do so, and when a shit-for-brains inbred individual does reproduce.

It would be nice if it didn’t have to be an ‘us and them’ thing, but I can see why women would do it if they feel vilified for their choices.
I got to 35 without children and never felt like anyone treated me like a leper, though there were a couple of annoying comments, but perhaps I was sheltered from those sorts of people.

I do think there may be some women who don’t think that seriously about having kids, it’s the next step so they do it, and they perhaps shouldn’t have and it’s almost like they want everyone else to suffer along with them, or perhaps they are genuinely trying to warn you, even though everyone finds parenthood different, each kid is different.

Personally as long as everyone gives it proper thought (you do see threads on here marvelling about how hard it is, when that shouldn’t really be news), and makes the best decision for them (where it’s a choice), we’re getting somewhere. Otherwise parenthood or lack of is just something else we waste time being being competitive about.

@Artdecolover

If people don't want kids that's fine. But who do these people think will work and pay taxes to pay for their nhs care, state pension etc? It baffles me that some people are so ignorant of how taxes/social care work. The post war consensus is well and truly dead.

1) I will. I have a well paying job, I’m paying into 2 private pensions, I own my own home and I save. I do not expect there to be a state pension when I retire and I’m planning accordingly. I am also hoping that euthanasia becomes legal such that if I reach a point where I have no quality of life, I can choose to end it.

2. Who do you think is paying for the healthcare and education generation who’ll grow up to become workers, and support the retired in due course?

@Artdecolover

If people don't want kids that's fine. But who do these people think will work and pay taxes to pay for their nhs care, state pension etc? It baffles me that some people are so ignorant of how taxes/social care work. The post war consensus is well and truly dead.

My taxes pay for people to have maternity care, give birth and then to send the kids to school at the moment.

@Artdecolover

If people don't want kids that's fine. But who do these people think will work and pay taxes to pay for their nhs care, state pension etc? It baffles me that some people are so ignorant of how taxes/social care work. The post war consensus is well and truly dead.

I am hoping for voluntary euthanasia at the time of my chosing?

Forgot to add 3) - find me one parent who had a child or three out of concern for my retirement and I’ll show you a fibber…

Fed up of “why don’t you want them?”, my reply is now: “why DID you want them?’”

Yes, exactly.

However, it’s tragic when a great person who wants one can’t do so, and when a shit-for-brains inbred individual does reproduce.

Yes, also very true.

Low birth rate absolutely is a problem, but forcing or coercing women into having babies when they don't want them is an archaic idea. Best leave that shite in the 50s when "love back and think of England" was a thing!

I have DCs btw. Just hate people judging or interfering with other people's choices over whether they have babies or not.

Lie back*

But who do these people think will work and pay taxes to pay for their nhs care, state pension etc?

I have no one to inherit from me, so anything of my estate that I don't spend on my own care will go to charity.

As pps have said, I am another who would prefer voluntary euthanasia at an appropriate point, to a long, slow, expensive decline. Again, with no children or close relatives to consider (my husband is a fair bit older than I am so to reach the slow decline stage I will probably have to outlive him) this decision will be mine alone.

I'd rather people stayed childless if they don't want kids. They aren't likely to make great parents if they don't want one.

And there's plenty of parents I think shouldn't have had kids as they are shit and/or abusive.

YABU. Childless/child free people have to read endless sickly Facebook posts, they should be able to have the odd smug moment themselves 🤷🏼‍♀️ if your happy with your choices, it shouldn’t affect you.

*sickly posts about other people’s kids that is!