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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel annoyed when people brag about not having kids

291 replies

Ellerehj · 13/09/2021 17:14

I see it so much on social media and I work with younger people who are very anti children. I completely respect people's decision to not have children. But I feel like they speak about people with kids like we're trapped it stuck with these awful little life suckers? When I don't feel like that at all.
AIBU to think it's really rude

OP posts:
Holskey · 13/09/2021 17:58

Life as an infertile childless person is mostly hell, but then there's not much that anyone can say right in that situation.

I'm glad I finally had my dc and put a stop to all kinds of shitty conversations. I wouldn't give two fucks about someone saying how difficult it must be to have children tbh.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 13/09/2021 17:59

@XenoBitch

I have seen more rudeness aimed at the childfree by choice. Like, some people make it their business to know why another person does not have kids.
DM was chatting to a woman who asked her if she had grandchildren. When she said no she proceeded to tell DM how selfish I am to deprive her of grandchildren, what she's missing out on etc.

After that if anyone asked she said she had one grandson and just neglected to mention he's got 4 legs and a tail and is rather furry! She shouldn't have had to lie to avoid the conversation though.

AudacityBaby · 13/09/2021 17:59

My favourite was the colleague who told me off for attending my sister's destination wedding. She said that I only had the ability to do that as a carefree childless person and that I should consider the environmental damage done by flying, and what kind of world her (five) children were likely to inherit.

Arf.

SecretSpAD · 13/09/2021 18:02

@stairgates

I think its going to get worse in the future and become and us and them situation from what I read on her.
As a perfectly normal human being who just did not want kids....I'd say that the us and them started a long time ago. I've even been to,d I'm pointless for not wanting kids and will never contribute as much to society (I'm a doctor so that was particularly gutting).

The only option I felt I had was to cut people out of my life as soon as they got pregnant.

SecretSpAD · 13/09/2021 18:04

What I really hate is people who hate children for no reason 🙈 they seem to think that kids should never be in public places either. It's like they forgot they were kids previously.

I hated kids when I was one. Was hardly likely to change when I got older.

DwangelaForever · 13/09/2021 18:07

@SecretSpAD

What I really hate is people who hate children for no reason 🙈 they seem to think that kids should never be in public places either. It's like they forgot they were kids previously.

I hated kids when I was one. Was hardly likely to change when I got older.

Sounds like you just hate people...
saraclara · 13/09/2021 18:08

@PinkFootstool

Sanctimommies are even more irritating than evangelical child free people.

Said as a childless person.

I agree and I have kids that I adore!
JorisBonson · 13/09/2021 18:10

If I had a pound for every time I was admonished for not having children I'd be a very rich woman.

And I certainly don't admonish my friends who have children. Why should I be looked down upon for my life choices?

MeredithGreyishblue · 13/09/2021 18:11

Why does anyone care so much about what other people do? It's so odd to have a strong opinion on whether or not someone else has a baby.

ValidUser · 13/09/2021 18:12

The only person I know who posted anything remotely like this was going through multiple rounds of IVF.

(I was also going through IVF so she'd talk to me about it sometimes. Not at all suggesting that this is the only reason people post like that, or suggesting that the IVF caused it.)

Chloemol · 13/09/2021 18:13

What’s rude is those with children insisting they are better than those without, that there must be something wrong with you not to have children ignoring that

  1. Not everyone can have children who want them
  2. Not everyone wants children anyway
  3. That those that are childless are in fact doing their bit for the environment
  4. That just because you have children doesnt make you a good parent, as evidenced daily by social services interventions, children being killed or abandoned by parents
  5. That just because you have children doesn’t mean you will be looked by them after in old age,
StopThrowingCitrusFruitFFS · 13/09/2021 18:14

Already been said on here, but choosing to have DCs or not is nobody business but yours. I do think that making loud, negative comments about anyone's significant life choices in the workplace is extremely rude and dangerous from a career perspective. I'd never do it.

Different if people are asking "why don't you have kids?" (also rude) and they are merely answering. Maybe they could be polite about it as I would like to think I would be if someone rudely asked me about my choices compared to their own.

Hopdathelf · 13/09/2021 18:16

I’m shocked we’re nearly at the end of page 2 and no one has asked what people without children are doing on Mumsnet Grin

JorisBonson · 13/09/2021 18:18

@Hopdathelf

I’m shocked we’re nearly at the end of page 2 and no one has asked what people without children are doing on Mumsnet Grin
I've got my bingo card out ready!
StopThrowingCitrusFruitFFS · 13/09/2021 18:20

Shall I do it just to fill our joris's bingo card?

Whyyyyyyyyy oh why oh WHY are there people on Mumsnet who aren't mums? Hmmmmmmmmm?

You are welcome joris 😏

Awaits someone not reading the posts in full thinking I am being serious and taking the hump... Grin

Hopdathelf · 13/09/2021 18:21

Along with the following…

But what do you do all day?
You don’t know tiredness/real love/responsibility.
I didn’t want any but wouldn’t be without them now and you’ll change your mind too.

And my personal favourite…

I’d never ever judge women childless women but [insert horrendously judgemental comment].

PinkFootstool · 13/09/2021 18:24

You can roll your eyes all you like, but I assure you my life is childless not childfree. It's a bereavement for some of us, not a celebration.

Don't be a dick about language that tells you a lot about someone's situation in life and then be shocked when you don't understand what they are saying.

Toottooot · 13/09/2021 18:25

Ever think that that might be the response because for whatever reason they are struggling to start a family? They’re possibly doing so to stop the smug parents who constantly tell them how amazing being a parent is and constantly ask them why they don’t have children or the demands to know when they will have.

TheRealHousewife · 13/09/2021 18:27

@Ellerehj Yes it rude for anyone to comment either way really as people dont know other peoples circumstances. Side note:- I've noticed if you're not blessed with children your family ultimately gets smaller; whilst families with children invariably get larger. In a relatively short time I've lost 75% of my family and it will only get smaller.

LukeEvansWife · 13/09/2021 18:29

It’s to counter the vomit inducing posts about ‘my little man’ or ‘my kids are my world’

Parents can be horribly smug, telling childless/childfree people that they don’t know what love it, what tiredness is etc etc

So what you are seeing is the backlash against it.

MadeOfStarStuff · 13/09/2021 18:30

YABU It happens far more the other way around with parents acting like child free people are missing out and are even less deserving (for example of time off work at Christmas or in the summer)

I see far more parents moaning about their kids than child free people being delighted they don’t have kids

Purplesky73 · 13/09/2021 18:32

It doesn’t bother me at all. I love my kids and love being a parent. I’m very happy with my life choices, I’m pleased when others are happy with theirs too.

LukeEvansWife · 13/09/2021 18:32

Oh and the patronising ‘well I suppose you prefer travel and partying’ comments.

Eerrrrrrr I haven’t been on holiday (including UK) for 38 years and I stopped partying 20 years ago. There is a middle ground between being a party animal and a parent

JorisBonson · 13/09/2021 18:34

@StopThrowingCitrusFruitFFS

Shall I do it just to fill our joris's bingo card?

Whyyyyyyyyy oh why oh WHY are there people on Mumsnet who aren't mums? Hmmmmmmmmm?

You are welcome joris 😏

Awaits someone not reading the posts in full thinking I am being serious and taking the hump... Grin

HOUSE! 😂
OrangutanLibrarian · 13/09/2021 18:35

Only when they wander onto the parenting threads to announce it like,
“Well I don’t have this particular parenting problem, op because I chose to remain childfree. HTH”