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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel annoyed when people brag about not having kids

291 replies

Ellerehj · 13/09/2021 17:14

I see it so much on social media and I work with younger people who are very anti children. I completely respect people's decision to not have children. But I feel like they speak about people with kids like we're trapped it stuck with these awful little life suckers? When I don't feel like that at all.
AIBU to think it's really rude

OP posts:
LukeEvansWife · 13/09/2021 19:59

Yep nobody will be looking after me in old age - I will have no family by then. I don’t actually expect anyone to do it though

SquirryTheSquirrel · 13/09/2021 20:00

There was a funny article on The Onion or similar about how 1980s babies, (of which I am one), are due to spend their golden years outrunning euthanasia bots! So there's that to look forward to

I'm a 70s baby, so by the time they are chasing you, I'll probably be happy for you to send one my way! Grin

LindaWilson · 13/09/2021 20:01

Not at all lovely. People without kids often don't understand the challenges being a parent causes, and often wouldn't expect the things they say to have such effects. Enjoy the time you spend with your kids and stay safe :)

Realyorkshiretea · 13/09/2021 20:02

@IngridTails how is she punishing them out of interest?

ElektraAbundance · 13/09/2021 20:03

@Confiscatedpopit

There will always be a bit of a divide… one thing i will say is that those with children have experienced both sides of the coin.

Considering I go to work for a rest (in comparison to what is a grind at home at the moment) it is a bit galling when I hear my own colleagues without children regularly proclaiming how exhausting and stressful the work is. Its them who always seem to mention being tired! If I ever do get a break for myself (rare) sorting things out that just concern me seem a bloody doddle in conparison.

I do find it interesting how those who have never had children before their 40s and have always been dismissive of parents generally seem to make out its the hardest thing in the world when they do eventually have them.

I would however never ever mention someone else’s decision (or not) to have children. That is just plain rude.

Galling? How offensive?

Being child free/childless doesn't mean the only responsibility and stressful thing in your life is work.

I know many people without kids who also care for disabled/elderly family members, have chronic health conditions and other serious responsibilities that would pray for their biggest stressors to be their kids and that they would have chosen to have.

You've not been forced into parenthood. The fact that work is a break for you is actually really sad and worth looking at. I know many parents who would love to work part time or give up work completely to spend more time with their families.

So no, being a parent isn't the only way to be exhausted and it's not galling for childfree/less people to be exhausted too. Shock

slashlover · 13/09/2021 20:08

@Confiscatedpopit

There will always be a bit of a divide… one thing i will say is that those with children have experienced both sides of the coin.

Considering I go to work for a rest (in comparison to what is a grind at home at the moment) it is a bit galling when I hear my own colleagues without children regularly proclaiming how exhausting and stressful the work is. Its them who always seem to mention being tired! If I ever do get a break for myself (rare) sorting things out that just concern me seem a bloody doddle in conparison.

I do find it interesting how those who have never had children before their 40s and have always been dismissive of parents generally seem to make out its the hardest thing in the world when they do eventually have them.

I would however never ever mention someone else’s decision (or not) to have children. That is just plain rude.

Ah, the competitive tiredness rears it's head.

How dare your colleagues be tired when they made a different choice to you.

thinkbiglittleone · 13/09/2021 20:14

I don't think it's annoying or rude for a person to not want kids as they don't want to feel trapped, why people get offended by others views on tings like this, I don't know.

The same as someone saying they didn't feel love like that before a child again their view, their right to voice it

Pedalpushers · 13/09/2021 20:20

To be fair, my friends with kids constantly moan about how shit their lives are and how having kids ruined everything for them.

IngridTails · 13/09/2021 20:23

[quote Realyorkshiretea]@IngridTails how is she punishing them out of interest?[/quote]
A few incidences, but mainly trying to call those out who are child-free on what they are actually doing with their 'free' time.

IngridTails · 13/09/2021 20:24

@Confiscatedpopit

Ah, the old go to work for a rest chestnut. Never admit that to the child-free. It isn't received well, just like when we sat we're tired and you don't believe us.

Realyorkshiretea · 13/09/2021 20:24

@IngridTails oh, how nasty. I see what you mean.

Dyrne · 13/09/2021 20:31

It’s a pain when anyone is sanctamonious about anything OP, so YANBU there; however I do think society definitely still skews the other way. So far on this thread alone we have had:

  1. You have to like children because you once were one
  2. If you haven’t had a child you’re not allowed on this website
  3. I used to not want children but once my precious angel arrived I repented
  4. People only say they don’t like children because they are horrible bitter people
  5. You have never known true tiredness until you’ve had children
  6. If you don’t have children you are not contributing adequately to society
  7. People without children just could never understaaaaaand
  8. I am applying my experience from being child-free in my 20s to someone that is child-free in their 40s and assuming nothing has changed
Dreamingofbeergardens · 13/09/2021 20:32

@Confiscatedpopit well maybe those people will just have one baby then, instead of having 3 and apparently having the monopoly on tiredness!
Oh, and the childless/free can be tired too. Shocking, I know.

faelavie · 13/09/2021 20:34

@SecretSpAD fair enough but was only mildly interested, wasn't really any need to be rude

Bookaholic73 · 13/09/2021 20:35

To be fair, I have almost adult kids (17 & 21) and I feel like that about younger kids 😂

ohfook · 13/09/2021 20:37

I love it! In my line of work (which I admit gives me a skewed perception) I see many children who weren't particularly wanted or cared for.

I think the world would be a better place if before having children, people understood how awesome and full your life could be and only had kids if they truly truly felt it was something they were desperate to do. I think we're too much the other way in that for many it's just seen as a next step once you've been with someone a few years and for a few it the only way they'll ever feel valued and often the only thing they feel they can do that'll have any impact on their life.

So for those chose to be child free (or delaying motherhood) to travel, to party, to relax, to enjoy your own money, to devote time to hobbies, to focus on your career, to devote time to your relationship or even just because you know kids (mine included) are demanding little harbingers of germs and snot who never give you a minute to yourself, good for you is what I say - spread the word!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/09/2021 20:39

People seem to forget that kids are what we all used to be, not another species!

slashlover · 13/09/2021 20:42

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

People seem to forget that kids are what we all used to be, not another species!
So?
LukeEvansWife · 13/09/2021 20:42

People seem to forget that kids are what we all used to be, not another species!

What does that have to do with anything? It doesn’t mean that we should have them ourselves and it certainly doesn’t mean that we should find all of the little darlings and their parents utterly charming….

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 13/09/2021 20:43

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

People seem to forget that kids are what we all used to be, not another species!
So? It doesn't mean I have to like kids or want my own
LukeEvansWife · 13/09/2021 20:45

Two posters have come back with the comment that we were all children once - very obvious and very pointless

slashlover · 13/09/2021 20:45

So? It doesn't mean I have to like kids or want my own

I'm waiting for the "if your parents didn't want kids then you wouldn't be here!"

EmoIsntDead · 13/09/2021 20:46

[quote faelavie]@SecretSpAD Out of interest, why do you bother with mumsnet? If you dislike children and don't want children? I get why some people without kids are here - TTC, fertility discussion, step-parenting etc - But honestly before I had a child, this is the last place I would've thought of joining!
Not intending to be rude at all - just genuinely interested!

As to the original question - I used to be one of those childless people who bragged about it. I fell pregnant by accident, I now cringe when I think about what I used to say and think about having kids! :lol: maybe my son is my little "life sucker" but I'm very happy he is in my life.[/quote]
ODFOD

LukeEvansWife · 13/09/2021 20:46

Ah yes that old chestnut.

I actually would have preferred my parents to stay childfree. But there you are

sammylady37 · 13/09/2021 20:51

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

People seem to forget that kids are what we all used to be, not another species!
So? We were all created from the meeting of a sperm and egg but that doesn’t mean I love semen and want to surround myself with the stuff. (Although…)
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