To feel annoyed when people brag about not having kids

[Ellerehj]

I see it so much on social media and I work with younger people who are very anti children. I completely respect people's decision to not have children. But I feel like they speak about people with kids like we're trapped it stuck with these awful little life suckers? When I don't feel like that at all.
AIBU to think it's really rude

It's mildly annoying when it happens, but it's mostly lighthearted, and I think we parents can suck it up given how often parents can bee sanctimonious towards child-free people. I have never so much as asked if anyone wants kids, it's their business.

So many sensible posts on here! What's happened ?

@ElektraAbundance

Currently pregnant with my first.

But comments from colleagues with kids I've had over the years:

"Tired?! Wait until you have kids then you'll know tired!"

"You need a break? Try having 3 kids under 7 and then come back and tell me you need a break!"

"Oh I remember spending my weekends partying and sleeping till noon. Not a thing anymore"

"Enjoy these hot drinks whilst you can, once baby comes you'll forget most food and drinks come hot!"

"I've not watched a film till the end since before kids!"

"Trust me, when you have a child free day you'll want to catch up on sleep, not socialise"

Etc, etc, etc.

Parenthood is made out to be the most soul destroying burden thrust upon unsuspecting people. As if theh had no control or say in the matter.

I had all these comments as well. My baby is 10 months and so far have managed to drink all coffee while still hot, watch films to the end, and socialise with my friends. My baby isn’t the best sleeper in the world, yet I’ve still had periods of my life where I’ve been more tired that I am now.

If people don't want kids that's fine.
But who do these people think will work and pay taxes to pay for their nhs care, state pension etc?
It baffles me that some people are so ignorant of how taxes/social care work.
The post war consensus is well and truly dead

Well, ive worked for 30 years and paid a lot of tax. Some of which was used for your maternity care, your childrens' births, medical care and education.

I'm also paying for pensions, child benefit, universal credit etc.

When the time comes for me to need social care I'll use my own money to buy care.

Do I mind? Nah, that's how taxes and being part of society work. However when I read things like the above I'm so tempted to take my money off to a tax haven and live it up in Monaco.

@Artdecolover well what’s the solution, forced impregnation? Unfortunately for you we have reached a point in human history where woman can choose if and when they want kids. If that has some consequences then that’s that.

Also let’s no pretend overpopulation is not the real threat to the planet at this point!

@Artdecolover love that social care is apparently only elderly care to you. Who paid for your children’s schooling, your children’s prescriptions, your maternity pay, your post natal care?

There will always be a bit of a divide… one thing i will say is that those with children have experienced both sides of the coin.

Considering I go to work for a rest (in comparison to what is a grind at home at the moment) it is a bit galling when I hear my own colleagues without children regularly proclaiming how exhausting and stressful the work is. Its them who always seem to mention being tired! If I ever do get a break for myself (rare) sorting things out that just concern me seem a bloody doddle in conparison.

I do find it interesting how those who have never had children before their 40s and have always been dismissive of parents generally seem to make out its the hardest thing in the world when they do eventually have them.

I would however never ever mention someone else’s decision (or not) to have children. That is just plain rude.

@StopThrowingCitrusFruitFFS

So many sensible posts on here! What's happened ?

Good night's sleep 😂

Just joking

I think it is very rude. But as a woman who did not have children I can tell you I have never bragged about it - even when I have endured countless hours of otherwise perfectly nice friends telling me why their life choices are better than mine and droning on and on about their kids. Dont get me wrong, I wish them and their offspring the best, but the amount of condescension I get is astounding. I guess the less is not to comment on anyone elses life choices.

And yes it is the hardest thing i have ever done- would i admit that publicly- NO 😂

And those who still have babies telling us all its easy- come back when they are around 3!!

If you’re confident that you made the right decision to have kids, then why would their ‘bragging’ bother you at all?

I made the decision not to have kids and it never bothers me when people talk about how much they love their kids, that they’ve given them purpose, couldn’t imagine life without them etc. because I’m secure with my own choices.

well said @AudacityBaby!

I never got any hassle when I was child free. Now I have a child I have been hassled about having one.

I guess it’s all about who you know and perspective.

It's not rude, we've had years of 'when you having kids', 'oh you'd make lovely parents' Tired of it.

Coincidentally, a very best friend of mine is subconsciously punishing the friends in our group who are child-free, because of her choices. It isn't her style, the friends she's upset aren't easily offended. It's not very nice to see.

But who do these people think will work and pay taxes to pay for their nhs care, state pension etc?

And who pays taxes to educate these children so that they grow up and (hopefully) contribute to society?

I think people are quite misinterpreting the tax comment (on purpose of course to be obtuse).

We as adults now pay for services via our taxes (for all of society not just children or the elderly). If there are no children then there are no tax paying adults in the future, no carers for your nursing homes or doctors/nurses to treat you or care for you at end of life (or run your dignitas clinic).

No binmen, no supermarket workers etc etc you get the picture. And certainly no money (those who invest in private pensions do you really think it is a big pot of cash that is sitting waiting on you?? Not at all reliant on investments or anything?)

I totally get people being childless, i really really do, but to the people who hate children need to get a grip and realise that the world needs them.

And yes yes you pay for maternity care but so do I and I have children who will hopefully contribute to the care of you when you are old and need a hip replaced or get cancer.

@SquirryTheSquirrel

There’s a massive thing on TikTok with people boasting about being child-free. People seem to feel the need to announce that they don’t want children now.

I'm not on TikTok, but I can't help feeling that a swing in the pendulum away from marginalising/vilifying the childfree is a good thing. The pendulum may temporarily swing too far the other way, as with any reaction against the given norm, but the hope is always that it will settle and we can just accept each other's life choices.

The latest statistics say that 20% of women are childfree/childless by the end of their childbearing years - unfortunately the statistics don't differentiate between -free and -less, which is an important distinction. The percentage has been steadily rising for the last 70 years or so. It will be interesting to see how it progresses.

Agree if people are simply saying they are happy to be child free and the support for that choice is there. I’ve been made to feel bad for having my son, because I’m damaging the planet and giving him a shit future. I’ve even had a stranger tell me this after she said he was cute.

Flipping it around and harassing parents is not okay. I have PNA/D, I don’t need to be told I’ve made a huge mistake by giving my son an terrible future. There’s already SO much judgement within parenting, I don’t need it from my child free friends too!

Why can’t everyone just fuck off out of everyone else’s life choices? Things would be so much better if we just scaled back the judgement.

No binmen, no supermarket workers etc etc you get the picture.

With the way the pension age keeps getting pushed back, I'll probably find myself hauling wheelie bins into the dumpster or sitting at Tesco's checkout until I'm 85.

Every generation pays for the previous and the next one. It’s almost like some parents think that they are producing the next generation of workers but forget that those of us working are partially supporting your children and, as a PP said, maternity leave etc

@SquirryTheSquirrel

No binmen, no supermarket workers etc etc you get the picture.

With the way the pension age keeps getting pushed back, I'll probably find myself hauling wheelie bins into the dumpster or sitting at Tesco's checkout until I'm 85.

😂😂😂

In absolute seriousness. By the time I will be retiring (abroad), I absolutely believe there will be massive amount of automation and workers will not be missed. So it balances.

@SquirryTheSquirrel

No binmen, no supermarket workers etc etc you get the picture.

With the way the pension age keeps getting pushed back, I'll probably find myself hauling wheelie bins into the dumpster or sitting at Tesco's checkout until I'm 85.

There was a funny article on The Onion or similar about how 1980s babies, (of which I am one), are due to spend their golden years outrunning euthanasia bots! So there's that to look forward to

Sorry...a bit dark, but also quite funny imo.

I get "but who will look after you in old age" no one.....I'll be alone with my cats for company!

I totally get people being childless, i really really do, but to the people who hate children need to get a grip and realise that the world needs them.

I don't hate kids, I hate the shitty people who have them and then don't parent them.