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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to visit this often

212 replies

Tevion28 · 12/09/2021 17:55

So ds is off to university Saturday and when I said I will come and see him every couple of weeks his reaction upset me a little as he then asked why every 2 weeks with a grin on his face saying too often he then said if its a weekend thats even worse and he simply just wants to get on with stuff.
So for those of you with kids at uni how often do you go to see them if at all us my plan too often.

OP posts:
adeleh · 12/09/2021 20:49

Once a term.

mineofuselessinformation · 12/09/2021 20:50

Take him and drop him off, and ask him if he would like you to help him sort it out. Be ready to clear off (after a hug or two!) if that's what he wants.

Original poster
Tevion28 · 12/09/2021 20:50

toomuchlaundry he has been a lazy sod since the dawn of time

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 12/09/2021 20:52

Have you let him get away with being a lazy sod?

Original poster
Tevion28 · 12/09/2021 20:53

Blush probably but he is extremely stubborn

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 12/09/2021 20:53

Yes drop him off. I made the beds with my dc mainly just to make it look homely, did a supermarket shop with them, then buggered off.

AnnaSW1 · 12/09/2021 20:53

Mine visited at the end of uni to collect me and my stuff. No way would I have wanted them making weekend visits nor did they ask to. When he wants to see you he'll make a visit home.

Disfordarkchocolate · 12/09/2021 20:54

We didn't visit, they came home whenever they wanted. We paid if that meant a train ticket.

Darkstar4855 · 12/09/2021 20:55

Parents never visited me. I went home if I wanted to see them.

toomuchlaundry · 12/09/2021 20:55

Then he will probably be coming home with his dirty washing.

Mischance · 12/09/2021 20:57

Heavens above! - why would you be visiting him? I did not visit any of my DDs when they were at uni - why would I have done? We went to an exhibition once that involved DD.

They used to come home to visit when they could; but we left them to get on with their new life with our blessing.

Back off!!!!

Original poster
Tevion28 · 12/09/2021 20:57

Nah it will pile up on his computer chair Grin

OP posts:
Pedalpushers · 12/09/2021 20:57

My parents never visited me and I never went home during term time.

KingdomScrolls · 12/09/2021 20:58

I was the other end of the country they'd take me in October and collect me in June because I'd have all of my things (one parent not both because the car would be packed other than my first day), holidays in between I'd get the train home. My grandparents visited once because they were on holiday fairly close by. Other than that graduation. I didn't really go home in term other than for a big occasion (best friend's 21st), terms were short, I was busy, there was no need. I have a very good relationship with my family.

Original poster
Tevion28 · 12/09/2021 20:58

Plus the fact I believe its a fiver to use the uni machine

OP posts:
Bouledeneige · 12/09/2021 20:58

Yes its too often. He needs to settle in and commit to college life. He doesn't want his Mum visiting every 5 minutes. It will make you look needy and him a bit of a creep.

toomuchlaundry · 12/09/2021 21:01

What were you planning to do when visiting him?

Sewaccidentprone · 12/09/2021 21:03

Ds2 went back to Uni on 20 July (that's when his new tenancy started). I said that maybe we could go and see him at some point before Christmas, which he as good as said no to. Then relented and said he may come home for a couple of days in October! I usually talk to him once or twice a week though.

So I think you’re being a bit unrealistic seeing his every 2 weeks.

But tbh it took me a term to get used to him not being here, and felt as though part of me was missing -you see them every day, sometimes all day for 18 years, then……you don’t see them for 3 months!

Think it’s a good time to take up a new hobby to move your focus towards something else.

EileenGC · 12/09/2021 21:08

Why would he not be able to unpack his own bags?

Laundry is indeed expensive - it’ll teach him some budgeting. I quickly learnt to include £10 a month or whatever on laundry when I was doing a monthly budget - or else I didn’t have clean clothes for lectures/going out.

He’ll learn, that’s what it’s all about. He should’ve cleaned and cooked before leaving, but he’ll learn nonetheless. Don’t ask him all the time if he’s done his laundry either, let him realise on his own.

HollaHolla · 12/09/2021 21:09

Mine usually came to drop me off each term, and would buy me books/shopping/take me for lunch or dinner. My dad would sometimes come watch me play a sport we had both played over the years. I was about 2 hours away from home.

Seriously, once a fortnight is really not on. You’re not giving him a chance to settle, or make friends properly. I work at a university, and I think he might be mocked by some of the other students if his mum visits that often. Sorry.

galacticpixels · 12/09/2021 21:20

He'll figure it all out. Even laundry.

I don't think my mum ever visited me in uni. I went home for the holidays or for birthdays etc.

I usually spent my weekends in the library during work because the weekdays were when nights out etc happened.

SusannahSophia · 12/09/2021 21:22

My parents visited me once in 3 years! I do visit my DC more often, usually in half term on a Wednesday afternoon to take them out for lunch and a supermarket shop. But couldn’t last year.

QueenFreesia2021 · 12/09/2021 21:24

You aren’t interfering - it will just take a bit of time to adjust that’s all

RobinPenguins · 12/09/2021 21:24

Way too often, IMO. My parents came to visit once when my laptop broke and my dad helped me fix it. Otherwise they just dropped me off and picked me up at the end of terms.

Mosaic123 · 12/09/2021 21:25

I've had two at Uni. We took them at the beginning of the year. We brought them back at the end of the year. They came home to us at holiday times and whenever they felt like it.

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