To want to visit this often

[Tevion28]

So ds is off to university Saturday and when I said I will come and see him every couple of weeks his reaction upset me a little as he then asked why every 2 weeks with a grin on his face saying too often he then said if its a weekend thats even worse and he simply just wants to get on with stuff.
So for those of you with kids at uni how often do you go to see them if at all us my plan too often.

Once in 3 years.

I went to uni in the next town and my parents never visited- I wouldn't have minded the odd visit tbh!

It;s a shock, isn't it, when you go from seeing them every day to nothing at all? He's quite right that he needs to get on with it now and break away a bit. Bless him, at least he told you!

We never visit and wouldn't dream of doing so. We take him there at the start of term and collect him at the end, simply because he has too much stuff to carry himself.

DS comes home during the holidays and has a YP Railcard if he wants to travel anywhere (home or otherwise).

Every couple of weeks?? Please don't do that.

My parents came twice in 4 years, I went home every 3 months (so Christmas, Easter, summer for 10-12 days each time max). I was a 2.5 hour flight away but tickets were £10 so I went as much as I wanted. Some of my friends went home every couple of weeks, but THEY chose to.

Keep your distance, especially when/if he goes into a houseshare. One of my housemate's mother was so interfering, to the point that she wanted to know what the rest of us were doing as well. Why - I will never know, we weren't her children...

It was so tiring and annoying, she somehow got hold of our full names and phone numbers - she would message on FB, text, 'check up on us'. If not directly, via her child - who phoned her daily, on speaker, from the kitchen table - they also updated the mother on what we were up to, in front of us. It was very weird and I'm sure you won't do that, but start with backing off now!

Never that I can remember. Every other week end is.... Unusual.

You need to read his cue here, back off.

DS2 went locally and since has been at two others but just a few days a month so no visits for him.

DD chose to go 296 miles away and we visited about two or three times a year. Some were requested by her as she was moving house. Her brother and I went to her Graduation. She stayed down in that city and later nearby for 8 years. We probably went less later on. She came home for Christmas.

OP I am not surprised at his response and I say this kindly, he needs to stand on his own two feet. I would go once in the first month if he wants you and it usually involves a shopping trip. Possibly before Christmas as he might need warmer clothing and send some stuff home. Does he drive? DD didn’t so it involved at least two trains.
Give him space. Give him room to grow.

I’m think once a term max but maybe on a Sunday (or mid week) so we don’t interfere with his social life too much.

I visited or dd came home approx every three weeks.

Every two weeks!! No way. Once a team max, preferably once a year

Term not team

Apart from dropping me off and picking me up, my dad came to see me once in four years! My mum maybe once a term or so.

You really don't need to visit him. Let him fly.

Both my DS started Uni last year. We visited one of them once (repaid of tech kit issue), the other we didn't visit at all. They are welcome to come home whenever though and can always call us when they want to.

Every 2 weeks is way over the top. One of my DS shared without someone in his house whose mum came every week (each week she'd drop off meals and cakes and clean washing and take away dirty dishes and laundry). They felt sorry for him!

My mum visited me twice in 4 years and one of those was a trip at 8pm to deliver a printer as mine had broken, she only stayed an hour. Please don't visit every 2 weeks, or at all really he'll come home to see you when he's ready. This is his time you need to leave him to it.

Thanks so many responses

Op, what was the thought process about visiting him so often? Why did you think it would be a good idea/reasonable?

NeilBuchananisBanksy
Oh I think maybe i didn't want to feel like he was out of sight out of mind and have the feeling I've abandonment him

Abandoned not abandonment

when I said I will come and see him every couple of weeks

Once a term, one visit only when he says, to take him and friend(s) out for lunch somewhere nice, overfeed them then drop off bags of groceries and leave. If I saw this with one of my uni bf/fwb, I’d have never been able to sleep with them again. But you probably don’t want to think about him sex either I’d guess?!

SurferRona was told on another thread to send him with lots of condoms

Once or twice a year. Just let him go. Students don't have their parents visiting every fortnight!

My parents only visited me on my year abroad. They stayed with me, so it was a cheap holiday for them

What about taking him will i look a fool if I go up to his room with him and help him unpack

I'd go for asking him to text you each week to let you know he's still alive! (That's meant light-heartedly.)
All first-year students go through a bit of a 'breaking free' type thing, and this year they have more reason than most.
Let him get on with it. He knows where you are if he needs you.

You can drop him off, but that is it. Leave him to sort his room out. Does he know how to cook, do laundry or have you been doing all that for him at the moment?