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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want to visit this often

212 replies

Tevion28 · 12/09/2021 17:55

So ds is off to university Saturday and when I said I will come and see him every couple of weeks his reaction upset me a little as he then asked why every 2 weeks with a grin on his face saying too often he then said if its a weekend thats even worse and he simply just wants to get on with stuff.
So for those of you with kids at uni how often do you go to see them if at all us my plan too often.

OP posts:
Boobieboobieboobie · 12/09/2021 18:15

My dd is coming back at xmas, letting her live her life, she is welcome to come back sooner if she wants.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 12/09/2021 18:15

🤣🤣 oh op, I totally get you. When my ds moved out I was all over the place with what I should be doing because I was used to seeing him every day.

Now we have settled into a routine with calls and visits its much easier. Every couple of weeks at uni is a bit much though.

Kite22 · 12/09/2021 18:16

Oh gosh maybe I'm too interfering

Definitely.

dc1 - I went once in 3 years (aside from dh or I dropping or collecting him in Sept and June)
dc2 - went to a beautiful part of the Country that we would have holidayed in anyway, so most years we would call and take her out for a meal or two or take her to the beach, and dh would call if he was in the area which he would be about 3 times a year.
dc3 - we stayed about 3/4hr from here for a holiday in Yr1, and called in twice, once to take her out for a meal and once for her to show us round the City.

Seriously, you are being completely OTT.
Going once, in the Autumn Term so you can see the place and maybe put a face to one or two friends is understandable, but he has moved away and will want to spend time with his friends now, and maybe get a job or play sports or whatever.

PercyPiginaWig · 12/09/2021 18:16

@Tevion28

Thanks guys can always rely on you.
Maybe tell him you were jesting earlier so he isn't trying to think of how to get you to back off a bit. It's great that he said no, and you asked here, and can see that most people agree. How about making a plan to visit in a few months, it can always be moved or he can visit home if he wants, one of my siblings did come home fairly regularly.
gratedbeetroot · 12/09/2021 18:17

My family never visited. I went back during the holidays and that was it.

CosmicComfort · 12/09/2021 18:20

Ds1 is off soon. We will only visit if he wants us to, otherwise we will just be there to collect him at Christmas.

My mum and dad rarely visited me. I would say every fortnight is too much! Weekends will be when he is doing things and getting to know people.

Racingadmin · 12/09/2021 18:20

Ds first year last year

We dropped him at halls and then visited once to drop off food when the whole flat was quarantined due to covid

He came home for the weekend every 6 weeks or so to see friends . Basically would use the washing machine , enjoy a roast dinner cooked by me and then go back on a Sunday night with the leftover roast meat .

I texted him every couple of days to start with but mostly got one word replies or a thumbs up emoji so backed off and he would call text maybe once a fortnight to chat

ISaidDontLickTheBin · 12/09/2021 18:21

Mine came to get me at the end of each term in the first year. I also went home on the train once each term about halfway through for the weekend. That seemed to work.

MummBraTheEverLeaking · 12/09/2021 18:21

Obviously my parents dropped me off, so they took me out for lunch and bought me a big supermarket shop.

But like the above, I went down to see them more times than they came up to see me!!

yumscrumfatbum · 12/09/2021 18:23

Once last year for his birthday. He came home briefly for Christmas and has been home for the last six weeks for summer hols.

dontblamemee · 12/09/2021 18:23

My DD went last year. Dropped her off September. Her DF visited once, my DM visited once then we went back into lockdown. I took her back to collect her stuff in April. Dropping her back next week for 2nd year. I don't think I'll visit if I'm honest until I have to collect all her stuff again next summer. But we are 250 miles away. If she was closer I'd probably pop by for a dinner date.

BananaPB · 12/09/2021 18:24

I assume once a term if she has time and she might want to pop back once a term too (she'll be 2 hours away)

LukeEvansWife · 12/09/2021 18:25

Well done for taking it on board OP - but why would you have even thought of it in the first place?

TwoleftUggs · 12/09/2021 18:27

I went to uni 2 hours from home. I went home for half terms and holidays and that was it. Never saw them during term time and that was perfect. I love them to bits but weekends were fab at uni.

mynameisbrian · 12/09/2021 18:29

i didnt visit as he was home enough that it wasnt required. I did visit his uni city with work and caught up with him then. My niece had more visitors as she was at cambridge and she needed to book visitors in for dinner. Funny that noone has visited her brother at a different uni but he valued my food and drink parcel

ZenNudist · 12/09/2021 18:30

My parents dropped me off and picked me up at the start and end of first year. Dropped me off in second year, visited Me once in second year, visited me for graduation in third year and picked Ms up with all my stuff at end of third year. So 6 times in 3 years and only 2 actual visits, one of which was graduation.

My friends were similar. Once in a blue moon someone's parents would visit. It usually involved a big food shop and a lavish meal out. And keep it short.

Original poster
Tevion28 · 12/09/2021 18:32

Its an adjustment for me as well I guess but I will definitely follow the advice given here.
He will be back Christmas and we are off to the canary Islands 1st of January 2022 for his 21st

OP posts:
kitkatsky · 12/09/2021 18:33

Oh god, it's so sad but please back off!

Truthlikeness · 12/09/2021 18:34

My parents dropped me off at the start of the first year and collected me at the end of the third year. Apart from that I went home each holidays on the coach. But it was 400 miles away, so I didn't really expect anything else.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 12/09/2021 18:34

DD 1 - only two years of her four year course were in college. We picked her up at Christmas and at the end of the summer term.

DS 1 - in the first year he came home in the holidays and got married at the end of his first year.

DD 2 - just started her second year. She is a long way from home. Although Covid put a stop to any visiting we might have done last year I doubt we would have visited anyway. She comes home during the holidays and sees her siblings during term time.

In an ideal world none of them would be further away than is easily doable as a day trip but as it is we keep in touch by phone and messenger instead.

bigbluebus · 12/09/2021 18:39

We visited DS at the end of November every year for his birthday. Other than that, we saw him at the end of every Semester when he came home. 1st time he went away he was a plane/boat ride away. 2nd time (as he changed courses/Uni) he was a 3hr drive away.
DS would no way have allowed us to visit more than that!

PinkCheetah · 12/09/2021 18:41

That's too much OP. I think the masses have spoken. Just leave him to it. Empty nester syndrome perhaps?

ShinyMe · 12/09/2021 18:42

I deliberately picked a uni as far away as possible. Not that I don't love my parents, but uni was separate and was for me, and I wanted to work it out for myself. They visited at the end of the summer each year to spend a few days, see the place and take me and all my stuff home. I went back to them at Christmas. The students who had parents visiting all the time didn't socialise and join in and have friends in anything like the same way, and were seen as a bit 'babied' by some of the other students, to be honest.

Original poster
Tevion28 · 12/09/2021 18:43

Ds will be 60 miles away but yes I will leave him to it but here if he needs me

OP posts:
Original poster
Tevion28 · 12/09/2021 18:44

Maybe a bit of empty nest yes but I'm naturally a interfering busybody when it comes to ds

OP posts:
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