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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Same mum brings older siblingto parties and let's them join in

265 replies

mymobileisonsilent · 12/09/2021 17:18

Now I know some people have to bring siblings and ask in advance. However I know this person doesn't ask, as they brought their older sibling to my child's party a few weeks ago and didn't ask. I had made packed lunches, so I didn't have extra boxes . In fact they didn't even say when arriving. The very rude child then demanded lunch and a party bag, the mum was oblivious and today was style same.

Today this sibling who is at least 5 years older than the birthday child took prizes when not enough for the actual friends of the birthday girl. AIBU, or should I and al parties over cater for a everyone to bring siblings?

OP posts:
drpet49 · 12/09/2021 17:20

Extremely rude behaviour.

KittenKong · 12/09/2021 17:20

I would always have extra in case (it’s not the kids fault that the parent/nanny is a cheeky bugger).

dementedpixie · 12/09/2021 17:20

Whoever is hosting should say they can't stay at that start

ItsSnowJokes · 12/09/2021 17:22

I hate this new thing of siblings coming to parties. It pisses me right off. Yes I understand they might have to be there to drop off and the parent not able to stay for the party but that is preferable that an uninvited guest just coming. Parents wouldn't do it at any other invite so don't do it at kids party. If we wanted siblings there we would state it on the invite. If not don't go or say you will have to drop and go as you have no childcare for sibling. Don't just invite whoever you want to someone else's party.

ItsSnowJokes · 12/09/2021 17:23

@KittenKong

I would always have extra in case (it’s not the kids fault that the parent/nanny is a cheeky bugger).
No but this is why it keeps happening as people don't say anything and just cater for them.
BigThumb · 12/09/2021 17:23

Why wouldn’t you just say something to the mum? More fool the people who just allow it.

CyclingIsNotOuting · 12/09/2021 17:23

I’ve had this too, I ran out of party bags for DC’s friends because of unexpected siblings taking them.
Lesson learnt and they are kept hidden until going home time.
People still bring siblings without asking. It’s annoying, especially when the activity isn’t suitable for their ages. I now put on the invite a message about no siblings. People still show up with them!

Fangdango · 12/09/2021 17:24

Surely you wouldn't award them prizes, even if you let them play the games?!

Original poster
mymobileisonsilent · 12/09/2021 17:26

This was most of the class today at this party, so if the host should expect at least one sibling each then it doubles the party.. to 50-60 kids ? 🤯

I was obviously naive that this sibling would happen, as I didn't cater for any extras as I led spent a fortune anyway.

OP posts:
catfunk · 12/09/2021 17:29

Id make a big song and dance of 'oh I didn't realise they were coming so I haven't catered for them sorry' and would add something to the invite such as 'if you need to bring someone else along please let me know as I will be catering for invitees only otherwise'
Hopefully that'll make them realise that if everyone bought an extra kid it'd double the numbers !

sassbott · 12/09/2021 17:29

YANBU.

There was a mother who used to do this. Divorced (like me) and she would simply invite whichever sibling wasn’t invited to the party, claiming she had no one to look after the other. So everyone basically knew they by inviting either child, both would be catered for.

When I was in the same situation I would expect only the invited child to be able to join in with friends and I would explain to the other child that it wasn’t their party to attend, and I would bring snacks etc to occupy them. As in I would actively parent the child and not treat the party as free childcare/ food.

She basically just wanted to palm off both kids whilst she chatted to the other mums. Couldn’t stand her blatant entitlement.

mummyh2016 · 12/09/2021 17:29

One of the school moms I know does this. Well she tells the hosts in advance but doesn't ask, pretty much says that the invited child will be there but she will have to bring her younger sibling as well. Which I think is cheeky.

Original poster
mymobileisonsilent · 12/09/2021 17:31

@BigThumb

Why wouldn’t you just say something to the mum? More fool the people who just allow it.
With my own party didn't actually notice that there was this much older sibling there until much later on. I was busy sorting things and arranging. I think I'm still fuming about it, there where others little brothers/ sisters but this child is old enough to sit to the side and let the little ones enjoy themselves.
OP posts:
Longdistance · 12/09/2021 17:32

Well, if the kid is rude they probably don’t have many friends and don’t get invited to parties. The dm is at fault here for not saying ‘no’.

ItsSnowJokes · 12/09/2021 17:32

@mummyh2016

One of the school moms I know does this. Well she tells the hosts in advance but doesn't ask, pretty much says that the invited child will be there but she will have to bring her younger sibling as well. Which I think is cheeky.
People need to step up and say "sorry it is invited children only if that means x (invited child) won't be able to make it that will be a shame. Maybe when she realises her child misses out on parties that way she won't be a cheeky fucker.
ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 12/09/2021 17:35

I've added a no siblings to party invites of people I know will turn up with them. Past caring if they don't like it!

HollowTalk · 12/09/2021 17:39

I used to put names on the party bags and would hand them out myself.

I would do a couple of spares but I couldn't stand kids just grabbing them.

Ultraopaque · 12/09/2021 17:41

I always think this is really cheeky behaviour. A polite parent drops off a child and then takes siblings elsewhere to do something else for a couple of hours. I do invite siblings in if we have the room but honestly, parents should wait for an invite and not seek one out. It slightly depends on the location too. It's a bit different when DC are young enough for parents to need to stay, but in that case, I would expect to at least be asked if it was ok. I always keep extra treats and small presents to give out at the end to siblings but if the age gap is large it can really change the dynamic when a couple of much older or younger DC join in with games. And frankly it's hard enough to calculate numbers when people don't rsvp then don't (or do!) turn up in the day and bring extras. Usually I am all "the more the merrier" but organising a party has become expensive and if lots of people bring an "extra" it can be quite difficult.

Ylvamoon · 12/09/2021 17:43

It depends on the party. If it is pay per head, I would make the parent pay, or it's a no for the child.

If there is not enough of anything, I would just say, X can join in with play, but has to wait until the party guests had their share. If anything is left, they are welcome to it.
Just make sure you day it clearly in front of the cf parent.

IHateCoronavirus · 12/09/2021 17:45

This is so rude of people. Mostly they get away with it.

Bakingdiva · 12/09/2021 17:45

@ItsSnowJokes

I hate this new thing of siblings coming to parties. It pisses me right off. Yes I understand they might have to be there to drop off and the parent not able to stay for the party but that is preferable that an uninvited guest just coming. Parents wouldn't do it at any other invite so don't do it at kids party. If we wanted siblings there we would state it on the invite. If not don't go or say you will have to drop and go as you have no childcare for sibling. Don't just invite whoever you want to someone else's party.
It’s not new, my mum had to deal with one entitled family doing this every year at my birthday parties 30+ years ago!
Blackkbird · 12/09/2021 17:45

So very rude when people do this.

Rosesareyellow · 12/09/2021 17:45

I think generally it’s rude to do things where if everyone did it things wouldn’t work - imagine everyone unexpectedly brought a sibling to a party. You’d have double the amount of children planned for. Wouldn’t work.

Nonicknamesforcatapillars · 12/09/2021 17:46

My dds are teens now, but this wasn’t really a thing when they were small. On the very rare occasion a parent had to bring a sibling they asked in advance if it was ok and made it clear they didn’t have expect a party bag and were happy to bring food along for them.

What’s with all these entitled parent’s these days?!

itsgettingwierd · 12/09/2021 17:48

In my youth I worked at a soft play centre.

I saw this a lot.

Most parents would stay and allow other siblings to play (public place) and feed them if they wanted.

But occasionally the odd one would call siblings to the party room for food when it was on (1.5 hrs play and 30 minutes food). It was so presumptuous.

I think that's why most people opted for the hot food buffet so they couldn't do it but it didn't stop parents either trying to order a meal for their siblings or preferring them something from the cafe and sitting them in the party room.

I always took my lead from the host parent and would happily tell parents I was only responsible for party children and they needed to take their child to eat their meal from the cafe in the cafe!

We also use to have evening parties where hosts could book the whole facility. Parents were worse at these. Would bring all their kids and once even the kids friend and just let them run off and play and sit in the cafe and chat.

In the end I suggested bands for these parties to be given to children attending. Same with daytime parties to get food etc. Also for public paying guests. Stopped people sending their child in for free because they were at the party - they weren't invited too!