Page 2 | Same mum brings older siblingto parties and let's them join in

Cocomarine · 12/09/2021 17:48

@mymobileisonsilent

Now I know some people have to bring siblings and ask in advance. However I know this person doesn't ask, as they brought their older sibling to my child's party a few weeks ago and didn't ask. I had made packed lunches, so I didn't have extra boxes . In fact they didn't even say when arriving. The very rude child then demanded lunch and a party bag, the mum was oblivious and today was style same.

Today this sibling who is at least 5 years older than the birthday child took prizes when not enough for the actual friends of the birthday girl. AIBU, or should I and al parties over cater for a everyone to bring siblings?

How exactly did they take prizes though? Swiped them off a table when no-one was looking? It’s easier enough to say nicely to an older sibling, “prizes for the little ones only, as I bet you’d win them all otherwise! Would you like to help me run the game and choose the winner?” So more fool that parent for letting some random older kid take (or win?) them.

Some people can’t easily call in someone to watch an older child if the younger one can’t be left. Honestly though, I’ve never encountered it done anything but apologetically and I’ve had to say, “don’t be silly - he doesn’t need to sit on one side, he can do xyz”. I’ve always had extra crisps and biscuits somewhere too, just in case. Literally £1 is enough to have 6 packets of crisps in case some extra is salivating on the sideline!

It is rude not to ask in advance or at least apologise on arrival - but it’s not big deal to manage it.

TartanJumper · 12/09/2021 17:49

Hmm can you set them up in another room with a TV/games console to keep them amused? Might be harder if they bring younger children, might be enough for an older child to be amused, especially if you provide some snacks/drinks.

itsgettingwierd · 12/09/2021 17:52

I do think half the issue is parents no longer seem happy to drop their kid and run like we did and our parents did.

It's always large while class parties now where parents are concerned about ratios. When it was 10 kids at a house, musical bumps and jelly and ice cream people tended to drop and leg it for a peaceful afternoon!

BritishSummertime · 12/09/2021 17:54

if you need to bring someone else along please let me know as I will be catering for invitees only otherwise'

I wouldn't do this because it is a green light for everyone to being siblings.

Confusedandshaken · 12/09/2021 17:55

@ItsSnowJokes

I hate this new thing of siblings coming to parties. It pisses me right off. Yes I understand they might have to be there to drop off and the parent not able to stay for the party but that is preferable that an uninvited guest just coming. Parents wouldn't do it at any other invite so don't do it at kids party. If we wanted siblings there we would state it on the invite. If not don't go or say you will have to drop and go as you have no childcare for sibling. Don't just invite whoever you want to someone else's party.

My husband is 60 and tells me his mum did this all the time so not that new!

dworky · 12/09/2021 17:56

It's not the child's fault is it, just doing what the mother is leading them to?
Why didn't you challenge her about it?

PivotPivotPivottt · 12/09/2021 17:59

There's a mum at my daughter's school who always took her daughter along to all the parties and let her join in. When it was my daughter's party I told her the sister was welcome too and she said thanks but I'm sure she would have brought her anyway 😂. Once at a softplay party she brought along the sister and her boyfriend's son. When the party host made it clear she wasn't paying for these 2 extra children the mum sighed and stormed to the desk to pay for them .

EmeraldShamrock · 12/09/2021 18:02

Unless it is a pay per DC I've no problem with a siblings tagging along.
I also do extra.
She should have asked first.

TartanJumper · 12/09/2021 18:05

@EmeraldShamrock

Unless it is a pay per DC I've no problem with a siblings tagging along. I also do extra. She should have asked first.

I would have no issues with pay per DC. But then I wouldn't be paying for the siblings!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 12/09/2021 18:06

Learnt after the first year to put an rsvp date on or no place and to book somewhere they controlled numbers and specified no siblings. Completely unfair on the birthday child to have uninvited guests imo.

ufucoffee · 12/09/2021 18:16

I'd have said to her 'sorry, I've only made enough lunches for the children that were invited'.

seaandsandcastles · 12/09/2021 18:19

I would have spoken to the mum, said the older child can’t stay. If that meant the younger one had to leave so be it.

Barnybrown · 12/09/2021 18:27

I had one mum turn up and leave the invited child (age 6) and an uninvited sibling (age 4) - she actually told me she wanted to get back because her boyfriend was waiting for her in bed ! It was an inflatables party so it cost me an extra £14 for the sibling and I had to supervise her on the equipment because she was under 5. So I wasn’t able to chat to family and friends during the party.

But I am ready for her this time - I am going to write “ numbers are strictly limited so no siblings” on the invite and just say no if she tries it again. I was just so taken aback last time but she has lost the element of surprise now !

Springleaves · 12/09/2021 18:31

It’s been going on for years- my dc are all at university now and it happened at their parties. Once I ran out of food completely as it was a party at the Oxford ice rink and you had to order pizza in. The mum brought the older sister, plus her two friends.
After that I always made it clear on the invitation that siblings could not be catered for.

GreyhoundG1rl · 12/09/2021 18:34

@Barnybrown

I had one mum turn up and leave the invited child (age 6) and an uninvited sibling (age 4) - she actually told me she wanted to get back because her boyfriend was waiting for her in bed ! It was an inflatables party so it cost me an extra £14 for the sibling and I had to supervise her on the equipment because she was under 5. So I wasn’t able to chat to family and friends during the party.

But I am ready for her this time - I am going to write “ numbers are strictly limited so no siblings” on the invite and just say no if she tries it again. I was just so taken aback last time but she has lost the element of surprise now !

You should have told her no!

StrangeToSee · 12/09/2021 18:34

Very rude!

DS has a home party soon. On advice from here I’ve name labelled all the party bags, ordered lunch boxes for party tea (boxes will be labelled).
Prizes will be offered from a lucky dip box, so any pushy older kids won’t be offered the box.

If someone messaged and asked if a sibling could come I’d draw the line at any sibling more than 2 years older than the invitees as it changes the dynamic. Younger ones would annoy me too as the house isn’t toddler-safe. And I don’t want 3 or 3 year olds joining in with games aimed at a bunch of 6 year old boys, then crying and spoiling it if they get knocked over or out. I also don’t want to be responsible for someone’s toddler messing around in my house!

If they wanted to bring a sibling or cousin similar in age I wouldn’t mind provided I had a week or two of notice to adjust food and party bags!

Also I’ve made pass the parcel so it has a layer (and lolly) per child plus the main prize, so any extras would ruin it.

IncyWincyGrownUp · 12/09/2021 18:37

I’ve taken an uninvited sibling to a party before - but never stayed at it. I don’t drive, and the venue was tricky to get to on Sunday buses. Youngest was invited to the play barn party. He hurtled off with party squad, then I paid for older child and I to go into the venue for some quality trash lunch and trampoline time. Met up with the younger one at home time. Happy days.

Cannot imagine having the audacity to expect to have my other child be catered for and entertained.

Nonicknamesforcatapillars · 12/09/2021 18:38

@Barnybrown

I had one mum turn up and leave the invited child (age 6) and an uninvited sibling (age 4) - she actually told me she wanted to get back because her boyfriend was waiting for her in bed ! It was an inflatables party so it cost me an extra £14 for the sibling and I had to supervise her on the equipment because she was under 5. So I wasn’t able to chat to family and friends during the party.

But I am ready for her this time - I am going to write “ numbers are strictly limited so no siblings” on the invite and just say no if she tries it again. I was just so taken aback last time but she has lost the element of surprise now !

Omg! The cheek!

I’d have made it very clear that only the child named on the invite could stay due to restricted numbers. Some people are unbelievable!

mim321 · 12/09/2021 18:42

This never happened with my older son but was a regular occurrence in my younger son's year group. Personally I think it's bloody cheeky. Particularly if the parent turns a blind eye to them hoovering up the food and taking a party bag.

Also, 10 becomes 20 and you have a mix of age ranges. Just no. Unless it's at an open soft play type place and you pay for your other child to use the facilities and keep them away from the party food etc.

Cameleongirl · 12/09/2021 18:42

Mine are teens now but I remember receiving invitations saying “no siblings please.” They were usually for activities like Laser Tag with limited numbers, but I think it’s fine to state that for parties at home too. Many people simply don’t have the space.:”

I remember when DS had a martial arts party ( he was having lessons at the time) and one Mum turned up with her DS and his younger sibling, saying that “Little B so wanted to do martial arts too.” It was a right pain as we were limited to a certain number of children. Luckily the instructors were nice and let him join in, plus I had some spare party bags. It was so cheeky though!

KittenKong · 12/09/2021 18:45

I remember one mum (she was a holy terror) cheekily sending the little brother of one party guest along. This was for a pay and play centre too!

‘Maybe she has problems with childcare’ you may say... no - she didn’t work and had two nannies (one for each child). She was such a horror but the kids were lovely.

GreyhoundG1rl · 12/09/2021 18:47

I remember when DS had a martial arts party ( he was having lessons at the time) and one Mum turned up with her DS and his younger sibling, saying that “Little B so wanted to do martial arts too.” It was a right pain as we were limited to a certain number of children. Luckily the instructors were nice and let him join in, plus I had some spare party bags. It was so cheeky though!
It absolutely was, and I'd have had no qualms about telling her that someone else's party wasn't the time to do it.
Why did the instructor even entertain it if you already had the max number of children?

Kuachui · 12/09/2021 18:49

I knew someone who had an extra 17 guests.... Because of siblings In her house/garden 😂😂 I would have kicked them all out, someone even brought 4 siblings ranging from 1 to 14 to the 8yr olds party

liveforsummer · 12/09/2021 18:51

When my dc were younger I had to bring younger dd along to any party or my older dd who was always the invitee at the time couldn't have attended. I always dropped off when I could or paid separately to ply and eat if it was somewhere like soft play it here were times I had to stay and there wasn't that option. No one ever complained but i have since worried about it seeing responses on here. If I could go back I'd just refuse the parties. I never expected food or party bags for the baby/toddler though

Noodledoodledoo · 12/09/2021 18:52

To avoid the onslaught of siblings we seem to get, I have made it drop and run, I have help so we have 4 adults to 30 kids. I am very used to managing large groups of young people.

I still have mums asking to stay, offering to help which I don't need at all. It's so hard.